|-=pRouD tO bE mE=-|

2008-03-08T01:09:00.005+08:00

I don't know if it happens with ALL people who uses Photoshop/Fireworks. But, for me, once I start editing a picture, I won't stop until I am at least 50% satisfied with what I did.

This was what we did in class:

Disgustingly cramped with disorganized message. The audience won't know where to look. Font size is pathetically small. It bugged me the whole day!

So, I came home and did another one:
*lets out sigh of relief and satisfaction* Now, I am satisfied. And I posted this up on the discussion board as well. I don't care if half the class is going to be mad at me/my table. I am happy with my end product(:

Besides, I can't work with someone buzzing around me all the time. Autocratic is definitely not my style. But sadly, most of the main comm people in NBS are at least 65% autocratic and they are masters at delegation. sheesh. Good leadership, my ass!

Okay, off to do my Wealth Planning Report.

2008-03-07T13:56:00.002+08:00

I GOT AN A FOR BOTH MY PRESENTATIONS AND REPORT FOR AB213!!!!!!

Sorry for the capitalization. But it is the only way to translate how happy I am now *humongous grins* I mean, 70% of it IS my idea and effort(:

*dances around room and shouts, "A, A, A!*

HUAT AH!

*in a really small voice* back to my lessons (which I am not paying any attention to).

2008-03-07T02:22:00.003+08:00

My brain is malfunctioning tonight.

Resident Bitch is back but I am too tired to bitch. And I want to change my blogskin before I do the "cleaning closet" thing.

I will get deceiving lights in ~~my bathroom~~ for my house next time. No cruel lights that reveal how disgusting you look. I will have a room specially fixed with these cruel lights. And if I ever need the truth, I will just walk into that room and switch on the lights. I feel fat when i bathe. No thanks to the cruel light.

Looking at my nails, I realised that I need a new coat of nail polish. Peeling off like nobody's business.

Hair is frizzy because I didn't put the hair care thing and blow dry it.

Contact lens tomorrow? See how.

Nice to have a group mate who uses the same laptop as you. Why? We can share charger! Thanks, Zhanyi!(:

Bed. Before. Brain. Dies. And. I. Do. Stupid. Things.

2008-03-06T03:16:00.004+08:00

The Resident Bitch have left the house. So the "cleaning out the closet" (ie bitching session) will be put on hold.

In her place is a combination of Docile Girl and Passive-Aggressive wannabe. Whatever that means.

Been dealing with my brother's poly application. I'm like the Q&A station. Don't know? Ask me. Not sure? Ask me. Gee*sarcastic* The HANDBOOK was sent to you for a reason? But, I don't really mind? Besides, my parents will worry less with the help I am giving him.

The sister will be filing tax for the first time this coming April. She's been working for 4 years and this is her first time. She's excited. Weird-.- BUT! She wants me to FILE IT FOR HER! *faints* When I told her, I will teach her, she said, " Ah Pa ask me to ask you to file for me cause you know all the reliefs!" I'm like o.O

My parents pamper my sister WAY too much? Maybe because with her laa-lee-laa attitude, they feel that they HAVE to? oh wells. ANYWAYS! The brother unit forbids me to help her file. Thank god! No one dares to oppose him (except me). So, with him on my side, I will most probably end up teaching and NOT doing it for the sister unit.

okok, enough crap. off to bed.

Till she comes back. Resident Bitch is much more fun(:

2008-03-05T02:58:00.002+08:00

if you think this sentence/lyrics -

and it's alright if you're undecided, or if you're scared that you might like it, or if it's true:i ache for you

-is for you, about you. think again.

i just like the way it sounds.

get the message already. I. DONT. LIKE. YOU. ANYMORE. now, SCRAM!

2008-03-05T02:05:00.002+08:00

school. middies. s3 to canteen A to s4.

home. brainstorm with self. out.

walk from home to central. dental appointment. tightening of braces. keeping mouth open for 30 minutes.

back. helped in shop. market for dinner. sort out admin stuff from brother's poly enrollment.

rushed to bathe. fyp meeting. ab213. tuition preparation.

2 hours of sleep.

'nuff said. cleaning out the closet will have to wait.

2008-03-04T17:03:00.004+08:00

Excuse the lousy pose, the dead-fish expression and the messy hair. BF323 mid-terms were giving me nightmares last night and I ended up with only 1.5 hours of sleep. Naturally, I woke up late and didn't have time to dress for school-.-

ANYWAYS!! This was what I wore to school today. Totally casual, no?

But, when I came back home and climbed the stairs that leads from the bus-stop to my block, a group of construction guys (around late 20s to early 30s) at the coffee shop "zhut" each other to look at me.

URGH! And their eyes followed me (especially my legs) all the way till I disappeared into my dad's shop. I HATE IT!

I mean, what's there to look? My legs are totally un-attractive right now! And! I look like SHITE! Not that it's okay for them to stare at me when I am attractive (which I never am).

Okay, I am blabbering. I hate having coffee shops (there's 2!) under my block. Because it means, you get oggled at whenever you come home. Especially at night when the people there are drunk.

I would like to keep my legs and whatever parts to myself!! And maybe to those people who I want them to look. But, that's another story for another day.

Off for dental appointment! Please tell me I can remove them soon!!

2008-03-04T02:19:00.003+08:00

I'll be "cleaning the closet" tomorrow.

Topics that may be touched on:
- myspace.com (People I met there)
- my dark side
- my angel side
- giving chase
- dissing people who irritates me
- and more!

Can't think of much now. But I feel like I am going to implode soon. The smell in the air is not helping.

STAY TUNE!

Post may be up on 4th March or 5th March around 1am.

2008-03-03T22:08:00.002+08:00

having cognitive dissonance now.

very stress about BF323 mid-terms tomorrow.

worried won't fall asleep tonight. have to wake up at 6 tomorrow. not good. not enough sleep = lousy attention span.

BF323 sucks to the core. it doesn't even fit into any track. so what the hell taking it for?

FUCK LAH!

2008-03-03T03:23:00.003+08:00

I like to drink my milk in one big glup. I like the way the cold hits my throat. It doesn’t matter that it’s a huge packet. One big glup is the way I like to drink my milk. Un-lady-like perhaps. Who cares? (:

I am typing in Word so all my I’s are capitalize and so on. Weird.

I have been dealing with options the whole day. Call, put, bear, bull, naked call, covered call, protected put, butterfly, box, diagonal, calendar, straddle, strangle, straps and strips. Why do options have kinky names?

Scotchey says that individual psych report is a killer. I am so going to die next semester. I am very courageously going to take up two psych mod. Please let my local exchange pass through. At least then, the modules are SU-ed *grins*

Reading your post reminds me of all the shitty things I went through with banana ass. I am hoping that things work out for you. Why do we always fall for the wounded guys? And it reminds me how fortunate I am that I am not stuck in limbo anymore. Never going back there. But whatever happens, I am here and you can come and listen to me chant, "Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them."

A note to my prince charming (if he exist). You are so going to pay when you do eventually roll by in your old and dying horse. No, a Rolls Royce will not save your butt. And don’t think chocolates and flowers will make it any better. I can’t eat chocolates and I am not a flowergirl (i.e. not the flowers kind of girl). The only way you can save your perky butt (which you better have) is if we do not have to go through limbo to become a couple. Or else, nothing works.

Did I mention that I accidentally poured my shower foam all over the floor? I was super retarded. I was carrying the bottle out from the bathroom when I heard *plop* and saw the bottle cap on the floor. It took me a full minute before I realized that the shower foam (liquid?) is pouring out from the bottle and onto the floor. *hits forehead* After I realized that, I stood there and stared at it for another minute before rushing out to call for help-.-

Off to drink my bedtime milk in ONE GLUP.

nights all(:

2008-03-02T02:56:00.002+08:00

i am blogging at livejournal as well. msotly about school stuff that irks me. less of a mee-pok blog. so, for those of you who are NOT in NTU, feel free to add me in livejournal. username: shans1987.

don't bother trying to sneak a peek without adding me as a friend because most of the entires are locked.

i am off to bed now.

oyasumi~

2008-03-01T19:24:00.002+08:00

i am going to start on my AB214 homework. the one about writing a negative message.

but after spending half the afternoon reading E:A Novel by Matt Beaumont, i dont think i am ready to e empathetic-.-

a load of crap that book is. but it's somewhat humorous. yesyes, i've dumped Quirkology for a novel. Quirkology is NOT a bedtime book. it actually requires me to pay attention o.O can't read Wicked because i have yet to get my lazy ass together to wrap it in plastic.

oh yeah! KT, i love love you for spelling my name correctly! he actually got it correct! wahahaha.

it's Huishan not HuiShan or Hui Shan!

anyways, i really think i should start introducing myself as Claudia(:

2008-03-01T03:34:00.002+08:00

the sky (air?) is so clear tonight that i can see the lights of the tall buildings in city hall from my kitchen(:

i love the position of my house(:

2008-03-01T02:39:00.009+08:00

the ndp volunteer interview.
total utter crap-ness. i arrived 5 minutes earlier BUT the interview started 15 minutes late.

i still can't market myself for nuts. totally utterly hopeless. maybe because i don't know where my strength is EXACTLY. but yes, i am those kind of people/leaders that are good/apparent when you put me to use/test. *shrugs*

out of the 3 interviewers, only one can make it. she clarifies her question. but the interviewer only joined in towards the end of my interview.

oh wells. just trying my luck(:

the childhood breakfast.
heard of the small marie biscuits? no? i'll show you:

i used to have this for breakfast! when i still eat breakfast and not sleep till lunch ;p

anyways! they taste ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC with hot milo. just throw a few of the biscuits in and wait for them to turn soggy. yums. slurps. drools.

i came home complaining that i'm hungry. so my mum bought a cup of hot milo from the coffee shop next door and opened a new packet of marie biscuits for me(:

i was eating and grinning like a little kid. my mum and grams were laughing at me-.- opps.

the sister is sick!
yesyes, my elder sister is down with fever.

and i absolutely hate it. why?

because she is disgusting when she's sick. tissues are strewn everywhere, sweaty t-shirts on the floor and she behaves like a TWO YEAR OLD. gosh. and my parents actually PAMPERS HER! *gags*

i dont see them pampering me when i am sick! anyways, i dont like to be pampered when i am sick. i like to be left alone for the most part.

but STILL!

term break is over.
term break is over in a *snap snap*. boohoo!

i have to start work proper tomorrow. did absolutely nothing but PROJECTS this whole week. my homework mountain is still there.

BF323 middies on tuesday! *buries head*

ber, what happened to our study date?! lols.

some hearts - they just get all the right breaks.

2008-02-29T03:24:00.001+08:00

i've decided.

i will go get one of those pretty cakes from breadtalk!

ok, as fast as the thought came, it went away. they probably look nicer than their taste.

2008-02-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

looking at myself in the mirror, i feel disgusted.

you can tell that there are things bothering me.

i've been sleeping but the dark circles under my eyes are horrible. my whole body aches. i have this constant cravings for sweet stuff. wait. i just want to stuff myself with food, period.

then i stare at myself in the mirror. pale skin. sick skin. tiny tummy. ugly feet. disgusting skin.

welcome back.

whatever.

on the look out. anyone will do. seriously.

2008-02-28T01:26:00.010+08:00

the question.
while going through papers from other schools with my tutee, i came across this question:

so! we have this really BORED child called Henry (everybody, say hi to Henry). he started counting with his fingers in the way shown above. therefore, which finger will he count the number 402 with?

someone, pass that poor kid a PSP!

anyways, i was just thinking to myself. if this question was presented to me back in P6, i will most probably COUNT with my fingers till number 402. why? i have plenty of time! since i cant do maths for nuts then.

the tired feeling.
aching body. all over. from top to toe. especially at the neck and thigh areas.

i think i'm burning up >.<

and i have a bump (aka baluku) at the side of my head!! :(

the fyp tutor.
she abandoned us lahs! her reason? her friend helped her to apply for some exclusion thing. so now, she is allow to NOT take any FYP group this year.

URGH URGH TRIPLE URGE!

this is AFTER she told us to do a proposal for her!

*breathes* it's okay. we will look for another tutor with MORE interesting topics.

fyp group, we will get a A+, you hear?! GO GO JIAYOU!(:

AB214 homework.
got back the first homework. wonder if it's graded?

i got the highest ever score i ever obtained (too much ever in one sentence!) for my comms writing task! wowee. wonder if it's counted towards our grades. please please do.

can i say i am interested in communication now? like all kinds?! corporate, social and what have you(:

ohyeah. shitass shall henceforth be the name of that guy sitting with us.

well well well.
91.3FM are playing the same songs as last night! just that they reversed the play sequence. wth.

off to watch a little of my show before i sleep.

i will most prob mug tomorrow after tuition. wish me luck!

when flings starts to look appealing....

2008-02-27T19:22:00.002+08:00

totally suay. to the extremes.

was walking home and this maid walked passed me. at the moment of passing each other, she flicked something (no prize for guessing what it is). and it landed right above my lips. not on the lips. but a centimeter above it.

MAJOR eww-ness.

laugh and it's your life i am after. *glares*

2008-02-27T03:26:00.002+08:00

BF221 report completed. hopefully it's okay.

tomorrow - FYP report. *sinks/slides down her chair*

i freaking hate report. GIVE ME SOME PRESENTATIONS!

okay, this semester? too many presentations cramped before recess week and too many (much?) reports cramped during recess week.

my english is going down the drain. help help!

oh, did i mention i love SMU's Ngee Ann Kongsi Auditorium? you will never find yourself being the center of attention because your table toppled over and poured all the contents of your pencil case onto the floor. and most importantly, they have POWERPOINT BEHIND EVERY SEAT!!

if i study there, i'll be in heaven *floats*

what's your flavor? tell me what's your flavor?

2008-02-27T00:36:00.005+08:00

lunch with juan at that japanese pizza and pasta restaurant (?) at citylink after the aptitude test(:

we shared potato wedges, potato curry pizza and green tea mochi. yummy-licious. 13 bucks each! that woman ate most of the wedges and only 2 slice of the pizza. conversely, i ate most of the pizza and minority of the wedges. of course, the dessert was heavenly (all desserts are nice to me. whees~).

headed home after that. pictures!

there are more pictures in her hp than mine -.-

i cant wait for my fringe to grow! it has to stop irritating my forehead and causing all those pimples to pop! and stop making look like a shaggy dog! BAH!

2008-02-26T23:13:00.000+08:00

a list.
things that are very me :

my handphone (refer to appendix A)
my room (refer to Appendix B)
iPod (any kind)
MacBook (i use a Fujitsu!)

the aptitude test.
first, NBS people are way competitive. is it me or is it me? they actually circulate and ask everyone to wear formal for the aptitude test. the reason? because SMU people will most definitely wear formal and we shouldn't lose out to them.

let's do it together, "HUH?!?!" yeah. in the end, SMU and NUS people took their aptitude test an hour before us. competitive much?

ANYWAYS! the aptitude test was FUN FUN FUN! it's just 12 minutes! 50 questions. i did 43 questions(: when it was over, i wanted to take it all over again! whees~ i really should have taken SAT back in jc-.- hees~

results will be out next week. wish me luck.

pissed. a little?
i am working on my BF221 report as i am typing this.

i realised that the GUY piled everything on me without telling me. while distributing work, i asked him what my part contains and he said, "oh, just home renovation loans and the other simple maintenance cost for keeping a house."

but this was NOT what he told joanne. i think joanne found that alot of parts are missing and guess what the guy said, "oh, everything in Huishan's part."

WTH.

so now, i am stuck. i have to do the calculation of the mortgage payment as well when i have no idea how the figures come about. joanne told me to just sent what i have to her. but i feel bad if i dont do that part cause she's already doing the car analysis alone!

urgh. what is the guy's contribution to the group again? oh right. he DELEGATES job. *rolls eyes*

MSU (that's Miss Singapore Universe in short)
while waiting for the aptitude test to start, i told juan, "juan! i want to take part in MSU and Star Search. will you vote for me?"

juan: "i will. i will vote until my hp explode ok?"
me: "ok! then when i get the $10 000, i help you pay the bills!"

after which, i keep irritating the woman with the Star Search song.

hahas. okay, total randomness.

Appendix A

Appendix B
picture taken with me climbing on top of table and trying to squeeze as much of the room in as possible.

okies.
back to work.

i may be a young girl. but i know how to have fun.

2008-02-26T02:20:00.002+08:00

i should be sleeping!

darn. my hands are tired from all the copying i am doing for my tutee. stupid printer! ran out of ink of ALL times.

the storm is rumbling. it sounds like a giant is hungry and his stomach is growling. silly.

kids make my day(: was storming down the stairs when i saw this two really CHUBBY kids playing at the stairways and they said hello to me! and the girl actually went, "so long never see you!" awww~

okies! best be off. wish me luck for my aptitude test tomorrow! and hopefully, i wont get lost in smu-.-

dig in. dig deep.

2008-02-25T02:54:00.002+08:00

found this in one of my old post from last year:

if you liken life as a journey, and we are the drivers. Then i must be a really lousy one. Because i keep taking the wrong turn at the same intersection. Hoping that someday somehow the road will lead me to a different destination. but it never do. it always bring me back to the same intersection.

not bad huh? i was soooo "poetic" last time. and i still like my hair back then. a $450 hairdo IS a $450 hairdo. nothing can beat that. opps. people, dont faint!

anyways, this lousy driver is taking a new route. hopefully it will work out.

dig in. dig deep. deserving what you did. dont you know the truth will set you free?

2008-02-25T00:37:00.002+08:00

oh right. i like this article from friday's mypaper.

click to enlarge.
totally agree with her. i hate the phrase, "sorry, i'm busy." and i think it's the lousiest excuse in the whole wide whole. no, scrap that. the entire universe.

2008-02-25T00:24:00.002+08:00

envy.
i totally envy people who can eat chocolates without pimple emerging like mountains:(

i popped two really small van houlten raisin chocolates into my mouth yesterday and *tada* emerging mountain alert on nose and forehead *cries*

and i just ate a packet of hello panda. chocolate flavor! *prays hard*

large appetite.
lousy mood = big appetite.

what i had for lunch on sunday? personal pan pizza and half a garlic bread :S ok, i gave one-eighth of my pizza to my mum. but it's still alot of food i am consuming.

more than usual at least.

lousy mood.
my dad probably told my mum about what happened on saturday.

that's why she came home twice on saturday and sunday to accompany me. she will sit with me while i space out in front of the tv and then she will fall asleep(:

caught her looking at me while i was on my way to bathe just now. sigh.

i was having dinner and slurping the noodles when this HUGE wave of tiredness crashed on me. i just dropped my fork and stoned:( appetite totally disappeared.

anyways! thanks, abner (otherwise known as mokmok)! for listening to me just now.

and sorry, kelvin. for skipping your 21st. i owe you one treat lah. haa!

i like them tall with money.

2008-02-23T18:15:00.003+08:00

this is not how i wanted my term break to start.

i was supposed to meet the girls today, go for kelvin's chalet tomorrow and work on/catch up with all those school stuff that are gathering cobwebs in my cabinet.

but here i am. cried my eyes out at my dad's shop, came home, watched "Scoop" and clicking around on my lappy. not going out or to the chalet. with THAT smell in the air. i'll come to that later.

my mum asked me why i am home when i said i will be out. i didnt dare tell her the truth because she will tell me that i am stupid and i should have listened to her all along. and the water works will start.

but here is the truth. i have woke up. reality slapped me in the face. i don't have any friends.

those girls who i thought were still my friends, are not. what happened today was a tiny incident. but it woke me up. made me realised that no matter how i try, it's never going to be what it was 8 years ago. i'm the one with the wishful thinking. i'm glad i got on that bus and came home instead of going back to them.

i am not going to give a damn about what's going on in their life anymore. yes, i'm going to the extreme.

without the girls, i dont have any friends. but that's okay. i will survive. because why have friends and risk the chance of getting hurt when you will be perfectly fine on your own? besides, if i want to get hurt, there's flings and all out there. at least i know the outcome. at least i get something out of it.

without friends, i'll probably pity myself once in a while. feel sorry for myself once in a while. feel depress once in awhile. but that's nothing is it?

i'll be fine. i just need to cry a while more and that's it. hello to a friend-less me.

i am going to high tail out of this country the moment i have the means.

say hello to the wild side. maybe. perhaps.

2008-02-22T18:46:00.000+08:00

project runway season 4 reunion is so funny!

i was laughing and giggling on the train home:D

a must watch! highly recommended!

2008-02-22T15:37:00.001+08:00

2nd round of ab213 presentation.
last week was group 1 and group 2 (my group)'s presentation.

this week, it's group 3, 4 and 5 turns.

i am rather angry at the system NOT the people. because all 5 groups will be group on the same level BUT! group 3, 4 and 5 have the advantage of leeching on group 1 and 2's weaknesses and strengths.

and unfortunately, my group's presentation outline and idea was more or less"adopted". am i angry? hell yeah. cause i came up with some "bonus" ideas and points that was not included in the lecture notes! some groups just happily took up the idea and expanded slightly >:|

i wont be surprise if they end up getting better grades than us and group 1 and 2 end up at the bottom.

i am also pissed off witha presenter. what's the function of a Q&A session? to ask questions, right? me being me, i will shoot any questions that is on my mind. and i DONT MINCE my words. no offence or any of the crap.

so, i ASKED some questions. then, this presenter who answered my questions gave me ATTITUDE. i mean, fine! if you want to give me attitude, do it verbally not on your EXPRESSION. but this presenter answered my questions while ROLLING HER FREAKING EYES.

i think she did that because she thinks i am SHOOTING them and CRITICIZING them. or maybe she feels a little "做贼心虚"? But why?! i mean, ok, their presentation outline is EXACTLY the same as mine. but there's variation in their content. so erm, defensive much? feeling guilty, my dear?

thats not all, ok? after the presentation, she returned to her seat which was unfortunately behind mine. so she said down and declared in a very LOUD voice, "我就讨厌那些backstab other group的人。" (in english - i hate people who backstabs other group). WAＨＬＡＯ EH!

being me (again!), i replied in my normal voice (which is rather loud), "说大声一点，我听不到!" (in english - please speak louder, i dont think i can hear you).

one word - PISSED! MARAH! OKORIMASU! EN COLIERE! (okay, that's more than one. but technically, it's the same word in different language.)

totally primary school and childish. but put yourself in MY SHOES! if you spent 2 nights coming up with the presentation outline and deciding what should or should not be in it, you don't get any extra points and THEN it was just "pirated" like THAT *snaps finger*. would you be angry?

%@#%*@#&%@#$(@#)$!)$!%#%*

pen-pals? email-pals?
the last pen-pal i had was 10 years ago?

then 2 years back (when i was in JC), i got to know scotts from US. then we started exchanging emails. after awhile, we turned to msn. and now, because of the time lag and our schedule, we can't meet on msn and now rely on email. but the thing is...i havent reply him for the longest time (like 0.5 year o.O) must do that during term break.

~~recently, i seemed to have acquired another one? but doesn't feel like it.~~ nah. it's not going to be as long as scott.

it's kind of nice to know someone from the another culture or background huh? i mean, in real life, you tend to attract the same kind of people. people who are like you. but in this kind of way, you get to know people with different takes on stuff(:

myspace account.
i am going to delete the account soon, i think.

but FIRST, i am going to retrieve all the blog post from myspace and keep it. anyone have any idea how i can do that in ONE click? *waves for help*

ok, class's over. heading home!

TERM BREAK!! NOT!

2008-02-22T01:57:00.002+08:00

working till 6am made me really restless today.

sat down. stood up. stare at my bed. went to the kitchen. came back. repeat-.-

but i managed to complete my options assignment. i still don't like them. *gags* give me futures and forwards anytime. sell a call? sell a put? can't we just stick to buy a call and buy a put? reversing makes my head spin! sell a call = sell an option to buy and therefore your payoff will be this this *faints*

AB214 quiz tomorrow. eeeps! hopefully it will be easy? i finished reading chapter 3. it's 50+ pages long! freaking loooong! but i finished it while watching 案发现场躲猫猫 on tudou. when i'm restless, the best way to settle down is make me multi-task. and the best way to multi-task is to watch brainless taiwan variety shows(:

off to bed, morning class tomorrow.

2008-02-21T18:21:00.002+08:00

fourth post for the day. usually happens when i am procrastinating. wahaha.

edison chen came out and apologised. quite nice of him i guess.

channel 5 "cashed" in pretty quickly on lydia sum's death. living with lydia is on in the afternoon again. this like the nth time they have repeated the season! the brother and mother unit were watching it just now.

then again, maybe the season was always at that time slot and i didn't notice? doubt so though. cos i remembered watching something else last week when i was trying to get a nice picture of that little wind mill spinning.

which makes me wonder. when will channel 8 "cash" in on the whole edison saga and start showing his show? or of the ladies in the whole drama?

i mean, there is a whole ethical and moral issue here. i think channel 8 is probably going to hold back for quite some time. just in case, the public accuses them of teaching the wrong "morals" to the teenagers and all the blahblahblah.

so when?

stop and stare.

2008-02-21T16:33:00.003+08:00

i'm awake. and i am having cramps.

i am so going to pay for all the cold drinks and the late nights as the day goes on. craps.

i dreamt of dinosaurs again :( scary and i couldn't wake up.

okok, brain-dead me is heading off to complete my BF323 and read for my AB214 quiz tomorrow.

it was good when it's all pretend.

2008-02-21T05:43:00.000+08:00

it's 5.43am and i am still awake.

AHHHHHHH!!!

i freaking hate options!

2008-02-21T01:46:00.003+08:00

taking a break from my BF323 assignment.

rows and rows of figures since 6.30pm.

it irritates the hell out of me. but secretly, i like working with numbers (to a certain extent). maybe it's because i have been working with presentations for way too long. the grass is greener on the other side, no?

the upside of squeezing.
the good thing about squeezing everything before CNY is that i am slightly more free than the normal BAF students. thank goodness my BF221 presentations were before CNY. eeks. i don't know how i'll be coping if they were AFTER cny instead.

but as i was looking at my organizer, my deadlines are still pretty tight. which reminds me that i need to change the deadline for AB213. presentation is in week 10 and it's like week 7 now? *faints*

the mum is at it again.
my mum is again at it. stuffing me with food.

for the second day in a row, the moment i step into the shop, she asked, "want to eat ice-cream?"
heh? hahas. yeah.

she will bring snacks like cheese cake and what-not home and constantly remind me of their presence. she doesn't even mind if i eat them before dinner. ahh.then there's meals. she's putting MORE than my usual amount on my plate these days. and i HAVE to finish it because she'll get mad if i don't. bleh! black-mail! hahas.

currently, i have 12 Moo's ice-cream and 6 mini-poppers in the freezer. half a cheese cake in the fridge. 2 oreos packet. 1 bottle of kueh bangkit.

not working though. hahas.

coca-cola zero.
everyone knows i am a HUGE coke fan, right? RIGHT?!

my dad tried to hide this new coke flavour from me this afternoon. but he can't stand typing the name into the cashiering system so he HAD to show me. and guess what? i went home with ONE can (mum was there. so i cant get more or it's off with my ears)! whees~

i very kindly shared half a can with the brother unit. i put 5 ice-cubes into my cup and while i was placing the ice-tray back into the freezer, the mother unit fished out 2 and threw them away-.- my ice cubes!!

the drink is not too bad(: taste exactly like coke but without the sweet after-taste. oh, and definitely less gassy than the original. *slurps* 4 out of 5 stars!

the cost price of a can of drink.
do you know how much the cost price of a can of drink is?

$0.42. yes, my darlings. 42 cents! including GST!

can you imagine how much the coffee shops and cafes are earning? the highest amount i paid for a can of drink should be $2.50. WAH! earn like siao! but then again, their rent is probably high? but STILL!

the 25m and 5m sign.
while on the bus home from tuition today, i saw this sign that said, "Heavy vehicles turning 25m ahead". didn't think much of it.

then! i noticed that less one-of-me away (that's about 1.65m away), there's another sign that says, "Heavy vehicles turning 5m ahead."

that's not all! just 3 steps away is the place where the heavy vehicles are suppose to turn o.O

sorry for the weird way to describe the distance. hahas. i literally imagine myself lying down on the ground to measure the distance-.- WHAT?! hees.

and it's back to the excel.
back to work. wish me luck!

i will never give up on my calculations! raa! raa! raa! *roars*

2008-02-20T22:04:00.001+08:00

happy birthday, vincent, cheryl, susanto and michelle!!(:

4 people in a day! wow-wee.

back to BF323:(

2008-02-20T00:34:00.007+08:00

urgh. i almost couldn't blog. stupid stupid google. you are getting on my nerves! *waves fist*

anyways, time to count my blessings before the pms and emo mood sets in. i think they are coming soon judging from the mood swing i had just now. *shrugs*

the fyp group.
i don't know how the other two feels. but for me, i am rather happy and satisfied(:

at least we get along and everything(:

the friends(:
scotchey who i meet only twice a week this semester. but whenever we meet, we can yak like there's no tomorrow. wahaha.

juan whom (who?) i finally finally have a same class with after 2 years in NBS! lots of fun. even though she likes to call me 小绵羊 (direct translation- little sheep) on and off *hands bucket to reader* and she's always asking me to eat! -.-

the rest of the secondary school peeps(: i dont know. we haven't meet up for eons. but the mass msn conversation just now was fun((: but guys! asking me to "fetch" saran is not such a good idea! cause i am prone to being late as well, remember? hahas.

and there's ber who listens to me on msn and everything else. whees~

SPP too! 8 years, peeps! still going strong! *grins*

bestie lai! we exchange phone calls like once in a blue moon? but when we do chat or meet up, it's like nothing has changed? she knows how i feel, think and work. and she's probably the only person who worries about the "condition" of my skin/face as much as i do(: whees~

sometimes, i may grumble that my social circle is small. but then again, i rather have a small cosy group of friends than a huge social circle with friends that i am not that close with.

the family(:
things are okay here. the brother IS talking to me now. the sister is still living in her fairy world now and again. we all have our own rooms(:

the brother unit got into SP - Business. his first choice. but somehow, i feel that he is wasting his "talent". i mean, he IS the SMART one in the family. oh wells. as long as he starts studying hard in poly and stop playing that much game-.-

the parents and grams are healthy(:

now the bad parts...
the so-called term break is coming. and i have work piled on me:( when i think of term break, the image of a chain collision(piled up?) will pop up. you know, where one car stops suddenly on the highway and the car behinds bangs into it and the car behind this car bangs into it and so on.

fyp proposal due. BF221 report due. AB213 survey questions due. BF323 mid-terms. AB214 homework. gazillion lots of readings. tsktsk. and exams is like in 2 months? wow. oh no! hahas.

for today? heck lah! opps.

but! if everything goes as plan, i will be seeing my gurlies during the break. i'll say, even if it means i have to sacrifice my sleep, i am going to meet them(: before PA comes and lock me into a jail cell for summer.

the neon shoes.
remember back when we were young and there's this "fashion trend" that wannabes will follow? wearing mismatch shoes and slippers?

while queuing for 179A today, the girl in front of me is wearing this:

erm. ew? i mean, it's okay if they are mismatched. but neon colors? it reminds me of NDP-.-

but i guess each to its own. or something like that.

okies, i am tired. bed early. work hard tomorrow! i didn't do any BF323 at all. i end up copying maths question for my tutee. she's so gonna hate me for that. hahas.

from fool's gold - you married a guy for sex. don't expect him to be smart too.

2008-02-19T10:18:00.006+08:00

the heels incident.
the GUY sitting at our table is so going to get it from me on friday. sarcastic comment will be aplenty.

to all guys who thinks that all girls SHOULD know how to walk in heels, please approach me. i will GLADLY lend you my heels and we'll see how you walk in them. well, provided that you guys dont FALL flat on your face.

pompous ass.

cattle abuse.
i was watching CNA on 179 this morning. there's this cattle farm in the US that kicks, forklift and do all kinds horrible things to cattles that are too weak to walk.

urgh. FREAKS. when they are too old to walk, someone should kick them. URGH!

clumsy much?
my mum made breakfast for me and put it in a lunch box. and it's just a SIMPLE lunch box but my fingers got "giap-ed" by it. and i ouch-ed very loudly in class. BLEH.

and i walked into the door yesterday-.- even though weilong was holding the door for me-.-

it's the clumsy season again!

the eraser thief.
3 weeks ago, juan messaged me and told me that she took my eraser by mistake. sotong-ly, i thought it was mine. so she returned it to me the following week.

then TODAY! while stoning and spacing out during BF323 seminar, i saw this really clean and new eraser with the price still intact. curious, i leaned forward and realised that the eraser that juan returned me was NOT mine.

she took someone else's eraser!! oppps.

banana ass.
yes, our favorite character is back to haunt me again.

why not just block him? i'll explain in the next part.

blocking vs. ignoring (applies only to people who are thick).
when you block this kind of people, they will just think that you are NOT online.

but when you are online and IGNORING them when they come to disturb you, sooner or later, they will know that you dont like them or something is up.

which one is better? i like the latter.

but as banana ass is an exception, someday, i will just yell at him when he comes to talk to me in msn or even "virtual hug" me. oh, remind me to tell him how much he disgust me as well.

hugs.
i used to be the kind of girl that believes that hugs can solve everything. no matter how tired you are or how upset you are, a hug is the best cure.

now? nopes. i dont believe that anymore. what do i believe in now? no idea.

and i dont give a damn either.

the edison saga.
is it over yet? *whines*

he is good-looking. he has that bad-boy attitude. him being a playboy is NOT that much a surprise right?

and so what if he took all those raunchy pictures? everyone has their own quirks and whatnot.

shouldn't the blame be on those unethical technicians who spread the photos?

it's been a month since the whole thing started. time for it to stop eh?

phillip capital.
they set up a booth in J8 o.O erm..wrong place? wrong time? wrong target audience?

transition lens.
appropriate or inappropriate?

inappropriate to wear it for work, me thinks. cause what if you happen to be in a sunny place AND you are talking to your clients? rude!

tiffany.
i will never look at tiffany in the same way anymore.

risk management ruined it. BAH!

okay, i better pay attention.

baby, i must say your aura is incredible.

2008-02-19T02:22:00.003+08:00

fyp status.
consultation with the fyp tutor went fairly well? ultimately, it boils down to our proposal.

haa. another ab213 again *faints*

meeting next monday. please, can we please dont meet in school? it IS recess week. if i can, i want to avoid school at all cost.

what did i do today?
hmmm. hmmmmmmmmmm. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

went to school. came back home. rot in the shop. paint my nails. dinner. read. that's about it.

craps. i have to work double-ly hard tomorrow. at least one question for my BF323 assignment! at this rate, i might have to skip my AB213 lecture again.

NO! NO! NO!

hopefully, my AB213 meeting will end early so that i can at least come home, take a cat nap and then rush my work tomorrow. in this way, i won't have to skip lecture.

that's all.
nothing much to talk about today. not emo = nothing to talk about. that's good right?

oh yeah! i saw 2 primary school kids playing "ji gao ba" (you know, that game. where you cannot have the same item as the one your opponent is saying?). BUT! instead of calling it that, they called it, "PO-KE-MON"! so instead of rock, paper and scissors, they will use things like thunderbolt, thunder flash and so on depending on what pokemon the winner pick. inventive!

bedtime then(:

i'm not going to write you a love song.

2008-02-18T03:27:00.003+08:00

AB213 Research Proposal
After 7 hours of editing, i am done(:

i seriously hate APA format. i cannot believe that i still have many many reports that needs to conform to their standard. the most important one being FYP.

luckily, i have microsoft office 2007. it helps with the citation. one click and it will generate your references for you(:

FYP project
i have no idea what i am suppose to do? so i just anyhow search. we are meeting an hour before we meet up with the professor. so hopefully, we will make some headway before that. fingers cross, people!

i am pretty determined to get this professor as our fyp tutor because she sounds quite zai? unlike the other professor we emailed. seriously, i think he is just using us to generate some possible topics. look at our CVs? total crap-ness.

that's about it.
had a long chat with the bestie on the phone. to the point where i am have a sore throat now-.- i dont know, i tend to talk rather loudly on my hp-.- because when i talk in my normal tone, everyone goes, "i cant hear you!" . so yeah.

off to bed soon.

cant believe i have to go to school on my off day. please make it worth it! ACCEPT US!

interviewer: what do you wish God will say to you when you go to heaven/
cookie monster: COW-WA-BAN-GA!!!!

2008-02-17T03:32:00.001+08:00

i've just been brain-picked by my AB214 table mate?

hahas. hope it helps though.

2008-02-17T02:11:00.004+08:00

i have work piled on me. but i took today as a "Project Runway" marathon session. theres something different about project runway. i guess what makes it different from ANTM is that they have guys! well, most gay ones. but hey! all the designers are funny(:

i have one funny quote!

i know nothing about football. except that it is probably the one time that spandex is acceptable.

i dont know. it just made me laughed when that desginer said it.

i took this picture from my POV:

i have been lying down and watching my shows sideways-.- bad for my eyes, i know.

it's craving season and i AM getting cranky + grouchy.

my AB214 tutor replied me but i have yet to read the email.

sometimes, i really feel like i should go look for a job in COMMUNICATIONS. because i like presenting and i like being with people. well, most of the times. more than i like finance? but i like maths as well! teacher? maybe.

my mum threw away my empty shokubutsu bottles! so i cant refill them and it was too late to go out and buy. so i ended up pouring the contents of the refill pack into these:

yups, old water bottles of mine-.-

i am a little angry with my mum. she threw those bottles away but she keep insisting that the ones she threw away were not my shokubutsu bottles! she keep saying they are GREEN, WHITE and CLEAN. well, my shokubutsu bottles have a GREEN cap and a WHITE bottle and they are CLEAN because i washed them last night!

but oh wells. at least she came up with the idea of water bottles *shrugs*

okies. off to bed. i promise to be up early (well, early being a tentative word) to do my AB213 report(:

wish me luck!(: oh yeah. the CW "Be Free to Be Green" ads are really cute(:

swing it, shake it, move it, make it. who do you think you are?

2008-02-16T01:01:00.002+08:00

structure or tone?
so theres this whole huge emphasis on the importance of structure in a presentation. i understand and agree to that but then i cant help but wonder, " structure vs. tone+non-verbal signals. who will win?" and it's bugging me quite a bit.

my argument is that if we have a fantabulous structure but our non-verbal is so-so (say, we just stand there and talk in our normal voice), will our audience pay attention to our structure at all? wait, will they pay attention to us AT ALL?

conversely. theres the presenter with the so-so structure (structure present but just a little jumbled up) but the non-verbal signals are good (voice texture, eye-contact), what will the audience do? no doubt that they will pay attention, but the question is will they understand? i think they will understand what the presenter is saying more or less.

i mean, how many times have we found ourselves falling asleep in lectures despite the lecturer having good structure? and how many times have we sat listening to people who are really engaging and after everything, feels like you may have gained very little but you had fun?

which one leaves a better impression?

somehow, i feel that this problem is kind of like my impromptu questions, " to be entertaining or consumer-informative"?

and also, my tutor told me that you do not need to have a fantabulous opening in a impromptu presentation. but i beg to differ. even though we may already have the audience attention (since they are the ones who wanted us to present to them), i believe that a strong opening is still necessary to bring the focus point to you and your topic. hmmm...

and now i find myself emailing my tutor about all these. ohmy. me? active in comms class?

now thats a first.

picking which module to take.
i realised some of my friends like to "check out" a module before deciding whether or not to take them.

if the course appears difficult in the course outline and exam papers, they will NOT take the module. i know it's only natural because everyone dont want to put their GPA into jeopardy.

but the thing is! the course outline and exam papers look difficult to you because you have yet to take the course!!! after you take the course, the exam papers might look easier!!

and whats the point of taking a module where the exams paper look easy even before you take the module? if it's easy, it probably means that you already understand the mod quite well. so whats the point in taking it if you are just going to learn the same thing?

hmmm..

alrightys.
very exhausted. off to bed after my 5th episode of project runway!

blahblahblah.

2008-02-15T02:03:00.002+08:00

after the misunderstanding cleared up, i feel slightly better. well, until the next project rolls by.

i am glad that my fyp is making some headway(: *fingers crossed*

the thoughts.
and just because it's valentine's day, the thoughts are about what else? BGR.

was telling juan during lunch on tuesday that i dont want to get into anything yet because i am afraid of being the one giving more than the other. what i want is a 50-50 relationship. of course there will be "unbalanced" times but in general, i want it to be a equal relationship.

i dont want to feel trap and 委屈. realizing that i dont like to feel that way but cannot bring myself to walk out of that relationship. because when i put myself into a friendship and especially a relationship, i wont be able to JUST WALK OUT. i cant. no matter how bad the relationship is making me feel. because i have already put my heart and soul in.

do you know what i mean?

oh wells.

21st single valentine day(: my mum dragged me to look at the flowers that are selling in the market when we went for dinner on tuesday. we were pointing our the ones we like. hahas. quite cheap? flower+bear = $20 but small bouquet lahs. but quite nice(:

IF i do get attached, i guess i am not the kind of girls that like flowers and chocolates on valentine's day. i like things to be sweet, special and from the heart(: doesnt matter that it is cheap or ugly. thought that counts? littlest things that counts(:

oh wells. off to bed.

HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE DAY, Y'ALL!!

2008-02-14T23:02:00.001+08:00

okay, things are okay between us le.

i guess we were just both tired.

thank goodness.

2008-02-14T15:38:00.002+08:00

slept at 6am last night. finally, i feel awake enough to stop falling asleep.

ab213 project.
i dont know. it's really a shitful project. my group mates have practically no idea what to do for the upcoming presentation on friday and they dont really seem to be making an effort to try. ok, fine. someone needs to take the first step? so, i did. i came up with the presentation and research proposal outline. as expected, no one have ANY objections. then i asked around and realized the one i proposed was not in line with the one the lecturer wants, so i changed. and again, no one said anything.

then on tuesday, i was damn pissed off and worried cause one of my group mates couldnt make it to the meeting and didnt have the decency to tell me until monday. craps. FINE. so the rest of us met up. i sat down with them and told them what i want in each part and where they can find the information. NATURALLY, if you came for the meeting, you get to choose the part you are comfortable with doing right? besides, i assigned work according to the first proposal that i came up with.

so, since the one who didnt came worked on Ethics and Validity in the first proposal, i thought it's only natural that she continued to work on that part. BECAUSE when i assigned people to parts that they should work on in the first proposal, i did mention TWO TIMES that if you are uncomfortable with your part, please let me know. and she didnt! so i thought shes okay with the area. then she told me, " can i dont do that part?" . of course not! cause i have already briefed everyone else about theirs and they are already working on it. if you have mentioned that you are uncomfortable with that part, you should have made some noise in the beginning!

okay, so i thought maybe i should help her. so i scanned my psych textbook from last sem and told her that she just need to use the information there and apply it to our research. easy peasy right?

i also specifically told her that i need the POWERPOINT by 3.30pm yesterday and the WORD document by 3.30pm today. guess what? she DID NOT send me anything at 3.30pm. so i msged her and told her again that i need her POWERPOINT. she didnt reply me until 7plus and told me she just sent her stuff to me. FINE. as i was still editing my own parts, i didnt check what she sent until 10plus.

when i checked, guess what? she sent me WORD document. crap. i am still editing some other parts from the others so i msged and asked her to do her ppt and send to me. it's okay if it's going to take until 3am or something cause i am going to edit the presentation till quite late anyways.

this is what she replied, "I think most of the points are in the report. You just copy and paste some in point form can liao?"

WTF. you want me to read your report and decide for you what you should put in your presentation? if i do that, i can dont sleep le lor. so i msged her and told her to be fair to me and ask her NICELY to do the ppt herself.

this is what she replied, "If you think it is not fair, then who was fair to me when doing wealth planning?"

WTF. first, that is another module, so please dont bring it into this module. second, i wasnt really fairly treated during wealth planning as well, was i? we assigned her and another guy to do the car analysis. but somehow or another, the guy came over and helped us in house analysis. not our fault right?!! it was THE GUY who was unfair to you NOT me. and if you REALLY want to talk about fairness, then what about me? i had to do a) house analysis, b) do the ppt presentation TWICE because you guys changed the format at the last minute and c) i have to read all your compiled research and PICK OUT THE FUCKING POINTS you guys want in the ppt. do you call that FAIR DISTRIBUTION of work?

compiling is not easy. and i contribute MORE THAN SINGING in that freaking presentation. which is really all that you guys give me credit for! i did the house analysis part too. i was the one who did all the housing grants and NOTICE the mistake the guy who was supposed to be doing car analysis made. i was the one who stayed awake till 6am to do the presentation on TWO nights because you guys CHANGED the presentation format?

tell me, is that FAIR?!

anyway, she sent me her ppt that night and when i opened it, guess what? it was just copy and paste directly from her report. it's in FREAKING chunks. urgh. i had to redo it for her.

the feeling.
when i saw that message, i was literally at the brink of tears. i did so much work and yet now i am accused of being a SLACKER.

when i was about to cry, i saw a cockroach at the foot of my bed. i screamed and ran out of the room. i think my mum knew i am stress about work so she didnt make any fuss. just got out of bed and helped me caught it. she even chased me with it after she put it in a plastic bag.

thank goodness for that cockroach. or i will be crying like nobody's business.

i hate being myself.
sometimes, i just hate being myself so much.

why must i be so freaking responsible all the time? why? i should just let them all drown and die. do my part and leave them to die on their own.

when i am doing compiling, i should just do what the word means. cut and paste all the separate documents into one document. NOT editing the points. NOT beautifying. NOT doing the animation. but i cant.

i cant. i cant. i cant.

i FEEL responsible for the goddamn project. i FEEL i OWE them to do it nicely. besides, if i let them die, i am also letting my grades die right?

ber and juan must be so tired of hearing me repeat the same thing over and over again. of telling me to just let them die over and over again.

i cant just let them die and feel okay about it. my brain wont let me.

can i stop? can i stop being me?

i am so tired. so so tired of having the same problems over and over again.

i hate myself even more now. because i actually want to patch things up with that girl. because we still have to work together in other projects. if things carry on this way, it's not beneficial to everyone right?

is it my fault?
every time these kind of things happen, i will blame myself eventually.

was it because there is miscommunication?

juan said it's because i made my group members feel too comfortable.

but i'm like that.

i cant be all serious serious with the whole i-mean-business thing. even with my juniors, i wasnt like that.

it's the way i work. the way i function. the way that got me into leadership positions in all my CCAs back in secondary school.

so why isnt it working now? why why why?

because, like what juan said, they dont appreciate it? they just kind of take it for granted?

stop. stop. stop. someone please stop me from behaving so stupidly. please.

i am so sick of being treated this way. that everything i do for people is taken for granted. so so sick.

so sick of being responsible. of always working for the big picture. of always the one taking the initiative.

this morning.
i was awaken by the sound of many sms coming into my hp. woke up and saw that they are sms-es from the other 2 group mates.

they are asking me things like what are the page limit for the report, if we can present early tomorrow. i dont know i dont know i dont know. if you want to know the answer, ask the tutor! do i look like a babysitter?

i need someone to rely on now.

stop relying on me. please.

for ab213. for bf221. for fyp. for every little gritty things.

no wait. i dont mind being relied on. but please dont take me for granted.

many thanks.
many thanks to scotchey for listening to me rant on tuesday.

many thanks to ber, juan and weilong for listening to me last night.

that little thank you for sending the email to our fyp teacher really did made me feel slightly better. i can be so petty at times huh?

conclusions.
i dont need to be thanked all the time that i do things for people.

but there's always this fine line between being too polite and taking people for granted? if you know what i mean.

what caused me this whole episode?

a summary: too many people asking me questions and they expect me to know the answers. being accused of being a slacker when i am not. not being appreciated in my groups. and more recently, one of my close friend. i feel that shes changing into something like one of them. then again, maybe it's because we are drifting apart and i am the only one standing still.

it feels like everyone is running after me. asking me for things that i dont have.

2008-02-13T21:11:00.001+08:00

i told my mum i have a craving for the twister fries from macs.

guess what?

she bought them for me for dinner(: yums *licks fingers*

2008-02-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

i got a B for my impromptu presentation. am not very happy with it. but seeing that she graded us purely on content and structure, i think i deserved that B. because my structure is practically non-existence-.-

but she circled high and high for my verbal and non-verbal(: so maybe when those two come into play, i might score better? at least a B+?

i need to come up with a structure fast. in prepared presentation, i have structure because i have time to write what i want to say, read it out then write from the POV for the audience. but in impromptu? nah-ah.

but i'm wondering, maybe i would have done better IF the impromptu is in mandarin. hahas.

oh wells. JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU! handed in the persuasive writing on monday. pretty proud of myself. no asking for help or reading other people's stuff(: it's purely my work(:

nothing else i want to say. off to bed early cause i have to chiong AB213 tmr-.-

2008-02-12T21:29:00.000+08:00

dear fyp mates(:

please send me your time-table this semester.

if not, my hp sms limit will explode this month.

because ah..everytime we want to meet up ah. one of you will sms me the day that you can make it, then i have to sms the other person to ask and you know how the cycle continues-.-

so yes! to be more friendly to my pocket, please send me your timetable and i will send to everyone else.

xie xie.

2008-02-12T00:28:00.000+08:00

i dont know about you but i am sick of hearing myself say, "i am doing most of the project/ppt presentation again."

i know i should be firm and all. send things back to my group mates and ask them to re-do until it is satisfactory and whatnot. but do we have the time? why waste the time in asking them to re-do it when you know there's a high probability that they the work will come back unsatisfactory? then you realised that time is running out so you are left with 2 choices: a) be satisfied with the unsatisfactory work or b) kill yourself and re-do the thing at the very last minute.

knowing myself, i know i can never be satisfied with the first choice. so i rather kill myself. but then again if i choose option b, wouldnt it be a little oxymoronic? i mean, just re-do the whole thing yourself in the first place then maybe you wont have to kill yourself. right? RIGHT?!

then again, maybe i should have a little faith in my group mates. trust that they will do a job the second time. but, judging from how some of them seriously dont care about presentations in general, i really dont have the courage to have the faith.

the only people who knows what i want for presentations are probably just my marketing girls? hmm.

in other news...
there IS no other news. great.

oh right.

the sister unit came home screaming, yelling and feeling all excited because she met her favorite singer - stephanie sun.

and i am like, "okay...so?" besides, i am preoccupied with my research project. presenting on friday and still not making any headway. and a whole lot of other tiny problems.

besides, my gaa-gaa over celebrities days are over. it was over the day i went to A1's autograph session, wrote a letter to the members, look like an idiot when shaking their hands and ran after their bus screaming. that was 6 years ago.

seriously, the sister unit will be 24 this year. and she's acting more my age than i am?!

morning class tomorrow. wish me luck.

take me away to a faraway land.

2008-02-10T20:37:00.000+08:00

i spent the whole day reading and dozing off. overwhelmed by tiredness again.

but seriously, i think it's a serious bout of inertia. hard to stop, hard to start. the whole physics thing. and of course cognitive dissonance. i know i have to start hitting the books, but i am reluctant. so a compromise? reading. haa.

studying partner any?

i just realised, the suckiest thing about having your birthday after everyone else's is that you seriously dont know what to expect for yours. will your birthday be as nice, cosy and happy as your friends? or will it be spent alone again? what will it be? and me being the i-just-want-to-get-it-over-and-done-with attitude, this is rather hard. especially since it's the big 2-1 this year. hurhur.

of course, the best part is you get to laugh at your friends who have turned older. a favorite past time of mine as you all know.

can we celebrate my birthday earlier? like 10 months earlier?

apparently, my single status are baffling many of my friends, relatives and acquaintance. this is no news. but it always reaches a peak during the festive season-.-

yesyes, i am single. no guys on my radar. blahblahblah.

i have been thinking actually. IF mr prince charming does roll by, and proclaimed his undying love to me, will i say yes? i dont really think so? because i cant imagine myself having someone to report to? having to ALWAYS take the other half into consideration? and of course, i am not ready to take on the risk of being taken for granted. it's bad enough with my friends, so i dont want to risk that in a relationship too.

the kind of relationship that i am looking for? something more ad-hoc? how to put it? low-maintenance? maybe. those kind where you just meet up on weekends and once a weekday, sms-es each other on and off when interesting things happen. someone to do things with. like an activity partner plus best friend kind of thing? craps. i am not making sense.

this cinderella is confused about what she wants.

everyone i met but am not so close with said that i look like those kind of girls who aspire to be a tai tai. i do?

sometimes, when i am really tired of the financial situation at home, i do find myself thinking, "why not just adhere to those stereotypes and actually ASPIRE to be one?" you know, go with the expectations and all that crap.

i mean, it wont be that bad, right? stay at home and laze around. doing things that INTEREST you and not worrying whether the money is enough for you to survive through the month. having a car. a maid. and all that hoity-toity stuff.

then i feel like slapping myself. where's your backbone, woman? and i will probably die from suffocation because being a taitai comes with plenty of strings attached! and wheres the satisfaction in being given a car?

to be a taitai or not to be?

off for dinner(:

2008-02-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

i slept the whole day. saturdays are now officially my sleeping days(: let's see how long that can remain true.

let's do a little trace back(: bare with me? hees.

cny eve.
had tuition in the morning. was pleasantly surprised because my tutee was rather attentive and cooperative throughout(: and! her grandmother and father gave me hongbaos(:

after which went to thomson plaza to meet with sivan. she needed to get a shirt and cake for her uncle's wedding anniversary. so yups. we walked around, juan came to pass sivan some stuff and then we sat down and talked while waiting for cyn.

we waited for almost an hour before deciding to sms cyn to asked if she was already on the way out. it was then that she told us that she cant come cause her mum was a little angry with her-.- i think if we didnt message her, sivan and i will most probably die from hunger.

so it was off to kfc(: DO NOT try their cheese-ey melt (unless you are lai)! because it was so spicy that it killed all my appetite. hahas. after which, it was home bound.

spring-cleaning time!! i realised that i have a lot of nail polish. SEE!

took me 3 hours to clean the whole room-.- quite satisfied though(: ohoh! this is probably the best invention EVER!
i bought this in IKEA. it's basically a huge roll of sticky tape. so i just rolled it over my table/floor/cupboard top and VIOLA! all the hair, dust and whatnot will be stuck to it! and when you are done, just tear the layer away! hahaas. i sound so auntie-.-

after cleaning, i turned from cinderella to manicurist! i helped my sister colour her nails-.- i asked her to do it herself and her reply was, " what for? 有人帮我弄，又不用给钱!" thanks ah. hahas. she keep complaining that i colour out of line-.- blehs! hahas.

had reunion dinner after that. kind of. 3 out of 5 families came. we ate and watched tv. nothing much. but it was hilarious watching the cousins trying to catch a beetle(:

cny day one.
okay, let's keep this day short since i updated it(:

it was off to the grams place for a major gathering. all the far-away cousins came. but we didnt really mingle cause they are rather hostile? one of them even brought a laptop and played game. sheesh! but i was happy enough cause my sister and i "monopolised" baby chloe(: the cousins chatted and joked around as usual(:

after which, movie at PS. my sister had a small accident. while exiting the carpark, the car banged against the wall and the side mirror curved in. she gave up driving after that. hahas. so yeah. after movie, it was off to suntec for dinner. not much places were open so we had swensens(: after that, it was off to T3.

ohoh! my sister and i were kind of glad we dressed up this year. cause everyone else did. here's how we look like!

my mum took the picture. shes still new to the camera. hahas. i am standing in such a weird posture-.-

we took a family picture as well(:

nice nice(: and my sister forced me to take a picture with the red "disco" lights.
right after the picture, the lights changed and we waited quite awhile for it to reappear. but it didnt. hahas. *shrugs*

fun day(:

cny day two!
we didnt have steamboat this year. instead, we went to vivocity to have sushi. sakae sushi sucks! i miss sushi tei:( had some lousy lunch before heading to sentosa(:

this is the first time the whole family went to sentosa together in our CAR! hahas. we wanted to visit the flower exhibition there but the car park was full and we dont want to wait for the bus! the queue was scary. oh! there was traffic jam in sentosa-.- total crap-ness. hahas. we just drove around sentosa-.- then we left. wasted 12 bucks-.-

we cant decide where to go so my mum suggested that we go to "visit" my grandpa since next week will be his 忌日. thats when my sister made a really silly mistake. she went, " boon lay is in the east and airport is in the west right?" lols. tian ah. thank goodness, she was not the one driving that day! hahas.

anyways, the dad decided not to go because it was rather late:( i miss my grandpa.

but! the whole family went kbox-ing at cine instead! it was fun! i lost my way in kbox while trying to get back to our room after getting food from the buffet-.- throw face! hahas. the parent sang really old songs while the 3 monkeys (us) sang plenty of sun yan zi's. of course, i sang i forced my sister to sing SHE songs with me(: nice!

the parents with the mic!(:

the 5 of us(:

okies. thoughts? comments?
i realised the brother unit wants to be an air steward! lols. i think the probability of him succeeding is probably more than mine. why? because he is tall and he knows how to swim! me? i am FAR from achieving the dream of being an air stewardess. i cant swim and i have scars on my hands. boo boo.

i love cny because it's the only time when my dad dont need to open the shop. where 5 of us are practically stuck with each other. thats why i always reserve these 2 days for my family. i made my sister promised too. nice nice(:

everyone's been asking, "what are you doing for vday?" the answer? nothing! i dont have school so i am going to stay at home and rot(: whees~ besides, i think i will be stuck amending my AB213 presentation. *hides under covers*

alright. some thoughts flying around. shall post it on top of this post.

那爱情错的很透明。

2008-02-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

i fell asleep after watching the countdown show and left my msn on-.- i guess cleaning the room really did wear me out. it took me 3 hours to clear away all the dust and mop the room. i bet the dust are already back on the cupboard top-.- oh wells.

the gathering.
woke up around 11am and read in bed(:

went to the gram's house around 1pm(: we were the second to arrive. thats a first! had lunch and basically just laze around the house.

ohoh! i played with baby chloe today(: my sister and i kind of "monopolized" her. well, she came to us and stayed there(: even refusing to go home. hehe. took some snapshot(:

what's inside?

i asked for the cup and she gave it to me(:

i used the self-shot and asked, "who's that?"
and she replied, "chloe!" so kawaii!!((:

my sister and chloe(:

whees~ having a little baby/toddler in the family is always fun(: shes so cute!! she will give me her hongbao and take mine-.- hahas. and when she's happy, she jumps! hehe. and she gave me a kiss on the cheek before going home! i love her((:

the other side of the family (the far-away cousins) came too. but we didnt mingle. the youngster played cards while the semi-youngster (21 years and above) stayed outside and chat. quite fun(:

ah long pte ltd.
it has become a family tradition that every year during the first day of cny, the family will go and watch whatever jack neo movie thats on at the moment. so this year, it is ah long pte ltd.

heard that 8days gave a star. initially, i thought it was unfair because from the ads, it looked quite nice. but seriously, the show is AWFUL.

i wont even give it half a star. 30 minutes into the show and i feel like stomping out of the cinema. it sucks.

3/4 of the show is in dialect (why did mda approve the show?). and it's not hokkien i think! so i had to turn to reading the subtitles. major turnoff. THEN! the way they keep making "sexual" jokes/reference makes me want to cringe in disgust. i feel like i am watching "Superbad"again. no wait! it's worse than "Superbad", at least those sexual jokes were actually FUNNY. so yeah. it was super disgusting.

too many storylines cramped into a movie. and the movie was rather choppy.

yups. maybe i should give them half a star too? for the 1 or 2 jokes that are funny and for effort.

this is seriously a case of trying too hard! disappointing.

movies i want to watch.

L Changes the World

the leap years.
10 000 B.C.

anyone interested?(:

after the movies.
after the movies, the family went to suntec to have dinner. we had swensens since the other eateries were closed. strawberry sundae! yums(:

took some photos which i am lazy to upload now. will do that on saturday. maybe.

then we went to T3 since the folks have never been there. plenty of SIA girls walking around. they really do have front and back. not all slim and skinny. SO! my dream of being a SIA girl is diminishing at an exponential rate-.-

the sister gave up on driving because while exiting one of the carparks, the side of the car scraped against the wall and the side mirror bent-.- so yeah.

exhausted. heading to bed(:

2008-02-06T03:05:00.000+08:00

today. the "mee-pok" post.
nightmare about vampires. eeps! and when i woke up, the left side of my head felt so heavy that i was walking diagonally and banging into walls/doors/chairs. i cant even stand properly-.- my braces hurt too:(

went to school and almost fell asleep towards the end of BF323. ohoh! i passed my first quiz. not really fantabulous but i got 14.5 out of 25! not too bad for a person who took a quiz AFTER her first class huh? *grins* hey, dont judge me! i have to count my blessings as they come! hahas.

had lunch with juan at the quad then waited for the fyp people to come. not too bad, i guess. hopefully the professor will accept us! *roars* it got me all riled up about personality psychology again((: i miss having a psych mod this sem! i wonder if i will feel the same way towards BAF mod next sem. *scratch head*

skipped AB213 make-up class because half of my group mates are not coming (all sick! haiyo!) so theres no point going since we cant have a proper discussion with the tutor. yups. so skipped to borders and spurlge-.- like ALOT.

bought 3 books - Microtrends, Wicked and Quirkology. Nothing about finance. *dry laughs* spent about $50 bucks on 2 books and the 3rd book was a super belated birthday gift from jianchong (thanks, dude!). BIG HOLE in wallet. but then again, after one year of not buying books and going to bookstores, this is acceptable ok? AND! the thrill and comfort i feel when i am in Borders or Kino is *blissful sigh* the smell too! i'm a BOOKWORM! i admit! *waves white flag*

i also bought shu uemura loose powder. cause after a short BUT nice discussion with the bestie (who is sick) last night, we have come to the conclusion that ~~i can~~ we can live without foundation and just stick to loose powder. especially since both of us are a)lazy and b)we value our skin quality! yesyes. so thats 80 moolahs down the drain.

took a look at my bank balance and the conclusion is...I AM GOING TO STOP SPENDING. PERIOD! no questions asked.

here are my short-term financial goals (at most 1 year):

Have at least $2000 in my bank account by end of year.
Buy a new ipod(:
New handphone

the priorities are as follows (ranging from most important to least): 1,3,2.

my attack strategy? try to save at least 20% of whatever that comes in per week and NEVER look down on COINS. *determined*

can you tell i am kind of addicted to wealth planning? seriously, i might just give up taking my corp finance mod and used that one last BAF prescribed on some mod in wealth planning. portfolio management perhaps? or maybe i should overload? hmms.

the scary scene.
was on my way home when i saw a group of people clustering outside the barber shop below my block. i walked in closer and got a shock.

a man was having a fit right at the doorstep of the shop. he was on the floor, shaking uncontrollably. i just stood there like the rest of the people and stared. i was shocked. i should have done something. maybe asked if anyone called the ambulance or just hold the door so that his legs are not stuck in between.

my mum was there too. she shoo-ed me away after awhile. the moment i reached home, i msn-ed ber. and after awhile, i heard the ambulance. hopefully, the man is okay.

my mum tried to make it sound like no big deal afterwards. it pisses me off because it IS something serious. but then again, maybe shes just trying to make me feel better? so that i wont have nightmares about it.

the sotong me.
back to something lighter.

yes, i have done it AGAIN. i have accidentally deleted away all the messages in my hp! including those birthday messages:( and i have to agree with scotchey, i am super BLUR!

again, scotchey and i came up with the conclusion that the girls in our comms class dont really like us. ah well. the feeling is mutual? hahas.

scotchey! hope you like the bag(: and yes! we still have to meet for your birthday lunch! pizza hut lunch express? tell me when you are free and i'll coordinate with the other pig (aka kl) ;p

cny is up. and i dont feel cny-ish at all. i am just so drained of energy. sometimes, i even catch myself wishing that cny is not coming and i can nuar at home! beh!

off to bed. tuition --> spring cleaning --> help out in shop tomorrow.

365 days a year, 24 a day, 7 days a week. somebody, hit the lights!

2008-02-05T02:10:00.000+08:00

sheesh. there goes my early night.

the brother and father unit was squabbling and arguing about (what else?) the shop and money for his education and the future.

the sister unit and i had to play middle-man.

zzzz.. here's to a great tuesday!*raise pillow*

2008-02-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

the shopping trip.
between (among?) the 3 of us, we spent close to a thousand. the sister unit spending the most and yours truly spending the least.

but we got what we wanted. tops, shoes, bottoms and all. the sister unit and i managed to get a different kind of top for the brother unit. we forced him! he needs to move away from the uncle image, i say. hahas. so yes(:

it was a nice BUT short trip. and be warned! shops in far east do not open until 1pm-.-

interesting topic on the tyra banks show.
came home and watched some tv before rushing off for dental appointment.

the tyra banks show was on and the topic today was (is?) rather interesting! it's called, "What Men Really Wants?" so basically, tyra separated the audience into guys and gals. then each group were asked to describe the dressings of 2 models on-stage.

the things that women and men observed are REALLY different! there are many more mini-quizzes and basically, we can conclude that guys only notice things that are necessary for them to survive? i am pretty sure that if you change your fragrance to meatballs frangrance, i bet they will notice it more than if you changed from fruity to flowery.

and according to tyra, guys get turn on by the smell of pumpkin pie?! heh?! of all things, pumpkin pies? tsktsk.

the bus driver(:
the bus home was packed to the doors (since i cant say brim) today! but the driver of the bus on my way home is really nice.

if you have been on a crowded bus (especially 179), you will know that when the bus turns, it will be a wonder if you can stay in one spot and NOT sway AT ALL.but this bus uncle today is (was?) damn good! the journey was so smooth-sailing that i don't even have to hold onto the hand grips even though i am practically standing at the door.

that was nice(:

long day tomorrow.
starts at 8.30am and ends at 7.30pm. by the time i reach home, it will be 9+ *faints* the program is like this --> class, fyp meeting, ab213 meeting, ab213 make-up tutorial. someone pass me some coke. lols.

oh and thanks to jianchong who volunteered to help me get some books from kino/borders(: well, provided he pass by those places. hahas.

okies, off to bed!

if little blue birds can fly to the sky, so why cant i?

2008-02-04T03:04:00.000+08:00

too many (much?) deja vu today.

first, there was the one while reading gossip girl.

then again!

then now, the one while uploading pictures.

*shivers*

2008-02-04T01:56:00.000+08:00

i am done with BF323 assignment. thank goodness! hahas.

juan and my answer differ by alot. cause she choose to short then long while i choose to long and roll the hedge forward. all these longing and shorting is making me nuts. hahas. at least it's over. for now. *phew*

made a weak attempt at the bonus question and question 2. i mean, it's better than leaving it blank right? (:

nothing much today. just 3 songs i kind of like(:

亲爱的，那不是爱情 by 张韶涵

你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎么美丽也只能是曾经

太美的承诺因为太年轻
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像是精灵住错了森林
那爱情错的很透明

i dont know why but i just like this song. kind of sweet and sad? i like the phrase, "但亲爱的那并不是爱情". hmmm(: ANG 5.0 is a rather good album. catchy tunes and all. i'm hooked(: it got me through my BF221 presentation preparation and my BF323 assignment. it's been on constant replay(:

Here In Your Arms - HelloGoodbye

I like where we are,
When we drive, in your car
I like where we are.... Here

Cause our lips, can touch
And our cheeks, can brush
Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one the one that lies close to me
Whisper's hello I miss you quite terribly
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

a little techno-ish feel. a bit repetitive. but it's nice to hear it once in awhile. heard it on the radio just now and it's nice!(: hees. i came to know about this song when i was leeching someone's playlist. cant remember who though.

Don't Stop the Music by Rihanna

Do you know what you started
I just came here to party
But now we're rockin on the dancefloor
Acting naughty
Your hands around my waist
Just let the music play
We're hand in hand
Chest to chest
And now we're face to face

this song is so good, it deserves a third (fourth? fifth?) mention on my blog(: when i am tired and no coke is around to give me a boost, this usually gets me moving. well, a little. so yups!

你说过牵了手就算约定. 但亲爱的那并不是爱情. holding hands is not a promise.

2008-02-03T18:51:00.000+08:00

i should be working on BF323 assignment because according to juan, it's rather difficult. AND it's due on tuesday. but instead, i snuggled up in bed and read another gossip girl book. this time, "Gossip Girl: All I Want Is Everything".

my plan is to finish all this teensy fiction book before CNY and return them all.

of course, i need to clear my fines too. epps!

alrighty, back to attempting to work on my BF323.

2008-02-03T02:29:00.000+08:00

i slept the whole day. i planned to read the whole day. but in the end, i fell asleep:X

AND! i had a nightmare during the nap. whats the nightmare about? i have no idea. it just left me with a scary feeling :S i woke up feeling really sick:( pukey and giddy. i tried to force water down, but cant:(

bleh! went back to sleep and woke up at 9.30pm. feeling slightly better now(:

hospitals.
relatives, friends, friend's relatives .... too many people are entering the hospitals this year. for small stuff and big stuff. i'm worried.

people, please stay well and healthy, okay? and if you guys need a shoulder or listening ear, i'm here, okay?(:

the memories it brought back.
i dont know. it brought back memories from sec 4. that horrible period.

calling bestie and crying to her over the phone. going to school the next day trying to pretend i am okay. when prem came, i broke down again. then somehow juan and ling heard about it. which got me started again. then my committee heard about it. mrs ong came to look for me after assembly (where i made the morning announcements), asking if i was okay. and i cried AGAIN. like REALLY. she missed her first class because of me. coming home to an empty house. trying to be the strong one. comforting my sister because she was scared. breaking down during council farewell because i was sick and unable to visit her in the hospital. and saran telling susanto, "eh! say something! she's crying!" because all of the others said something except him.telling SPP the last.

unpleasant memories as they are. but i am glad i have these people with me back then. if not, i doubt i will be able to get through those days and actually study for my olevels(:

everyone, please be healthy!

the shopping trip that will never occur.
my sister pang seh me! she promised that we will go shopping for cny clothes on monday. but now, she told me she cant make it. great.

so now, i have to wear old clothes for cny? how lucky is that? angry and sad at the same time.

sometimes i feel kind of pathetic? because other than my sister and SPP, i really have no one to go out with. and SPP are all so busy. gosh.

so how now, brown cow? shopping, monday, anyone?

gossip girl.
reading gossip girl now. the book is rather different from the show. the characters are more one dimensional. more stereotypical. more messed up. and gossip girl is gossipy to the point of bitchy.

i prefer the show.

"..你说过牵了手就算约定
但亲爱的那并不是爱情
就像来不及许愿的流星
再怎麼美丽也只能是曾经.."
-亲爱的，那不是爱情 by 张韶涵

2008-02-02T01:05:00.000+08:00

impromptu presentation.
it was horrible? not up to my own personal standards. i was NERVOUS for the first time. and being an idiot, i chose a topic that is very GP. so yeah. i have this fascination with advertising and the media. so whenever questions about it pops up, i will choose it.

but looking at the video, it doesnt seem as horrible as i thought it was? but it's still a grade B quality. wrote a whole chunk of reasons why i dont like impromptu presentations. shall post it here when i am rested enough to type them out.

~~shall upload the video once youtube finish processing it.~~ heres the video!

BF221 presentation.
i sang "Shut Up and Drive" and "Home" at the start of the presentation. the tutor laughed-.- but oh wells.

our presentation went rather well(: minimal number of questions asked.

good job, everyone! how about a celebratory kbox session? lols.

reviewing the video.
i think i look really tired in my AB214 video. the usual lively-ness that my classmates say i have seem to be missing today:(

next presentation! i will be BACK to wow the socks off everyone. okay, maybe not that. just that i will be back to my normal self! promise(:

suntec.
after class ended, i went to city hall to meet cyn. the woman was late! but it's okay, i guess. i sat in the station and stoned.

we went to suntec to shop. found this really nice concept store called "in-a-box" or something. they sell really nice stuff!!!! and the concept of this store is that each box contain goods of different brands/artist's masterpiece. they will pay the store a minimal fee to have their item displayed in the box. interesting.

"my playground" at suntec sells clothes that are rather different from those that you can find in orchard/bugis. we didnt get anything in the end-.-

samuel came over to join us for dinner. had pastamania! samuel quite nice eh. i chose the wrong pasta and he swoped his pasta with mine! (: lols. and then we headed over to marina square and ended up in Gloria's Cafe (or something).

the three of us just sat there for 2 hours plus and talked about stuff. nice and totally unexpected because i am not even that close with samuel in the first place.

a video to entertain (what we did for BF221).

off to bed(;

2008-02-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

the sister unit and i decided to head down to IKEA instead. so we took a cab down and spent 5 hours there. the cab uncle took the LONG journey. the cab fare is almost as expensive as my cab fare from NTU to Ang Mo Kio. so yeah.

IKEA.
the Alexandra one may be small. but it's packed with stuff too! but it seriously need more organisation *nods* i still prefer the one at tampinese (cant spell!).

spent some time looking around and stuff. i bought a $3.50 cushion and a $9.90 cushion cover! lookie!
now i have something to hug while mugging or watching my videos(:

and i got my own IKEA catalogue!

no biggie right?

take a closer look!

opps :X but i really like IKEA catalogue! but my dad keeps throwing them away! so this time, i am going to hide it in my cupboard! HAA! (:

ohoh! i saw 2 posters that i really like!

the 3D bumble bees and flowers poster(:

the audrey hepburn! i absolutely adore this one!

the 3D one is not for sale and the audrey poster cost $139 :( darn! hahas.

the rude uncle.
so while debating which "painting"/poster to buy for my sister's bedroom, we stood aside with our trolley and compared the posters.

this uncle choose to walk by the place we are "parked", for reasons only known to himself (because theres no display at that place). so we end up "blocking" his way.

so instead of saying, "excuse me", he just cleared his throat and stood there. glaring at us. i am like o.O okay, fine. i apologised and moved. BUT! that freaking uncle said, "MOVE!" while he walked pass us. that got me angry! i mean, we already MOVED and APOLOGISED! what more do you want?

so i said very loudly, "wah lao eh! he dont know the words excuse me, is it? no manners. rude ass!"

i dont know if he heard me. but i hope he did. and heres to wishing him having a week of constipation for being so rude.

do not mess with me when i am tired.

i am incoherent, gets angry easily and i speak my mind.

Aussino.
after IKEA, we went to aussino at plaza singapura. all the nice bedsheets are out of stock:(

i ALMOST bought some kiddy BUT cute bedsheet. with fairies and butterflies. but instead i saw some rather nice ones that are going at BUY 2 GET 1 FREE price! so i snatched 3 and my 100 moolahs flew away.

the purchase:
i think i can use one bedsheet per year. so thats 3 years worth of CNY bedsheets! hahas. oh wells(:

what i wrote on myspace.

"..for the 3rd day in a row, some taiwan/hongkong celebrity made it to the front page because naked/provocative pictures of them were leaked. then the whole hoo-hah about them being bad examples, too wild and blah blah.

bullshit sia. my brian is swimming with things about my wealth planning presentation tomorrow. but i will try to bring my points/arguments out. if random stuff about housing loans and car purchase pops up, please ignore it.

why is it that by taking racy pictures of yourself is wrong? is it because it makes the person look like a slut? or maybe because it actually imply that the person has a sex life? what is so wrong about taking nude/racy pictures? and why should your opinion about someone CHANGE because of those pictures?

if you have never seen those photos, it doesnt mean that they dont exist. it doesnt mean that the person is not taking any. and so what if you have seen those pictures? the presence of those pictures, dont make the person any less moral, any less her/him. it's just another side of the person.

so?..."

what's on my mind these days?
i am feeling super exhausted and stress. i am so sick of BF221 that i feel like puking. while trying to get the point across today, i almost burst out in tears. because everyone agreed with what i said, but no one wants to stand out and support me. so in the end, i was the only one trying to explain why the reason given by one of our group mate is wrong.

i am feeling guilty too. because i have been spending so much time on my BF221 that i am neglecting all my other subjects. i am WAY behind in my AB213, BF323 and AB214 readings. i have impromptu presentation tomorrow. i should be doing something about it but instead i am still making amendments for my BF221 presentation tomorrow.

i am yearning for mr smu. because of his lifestyle and something else. it is definitely not the level 4.5 or the physical comfort. because i am way over that stage. i am keeping myself to myself. but he's been in my mind quite alot these days.

i am itching to talk to banana ass. because he probably knows how i am feeling now (minus the mr smu part) because he was there when i was feeling the same way about marketing 2 years ago. maybe like what ber said, i just miss the feeling of having someone there when i am feeling this way. not because i miss him.

i just want to snooze but i cant:( not even during the weekend cause i have homework to do.

better go.

who can say the right word and make me feel better?

2008-01-31T11:37:00.000+08:00

i just woke up. slept at 5.34am yesterday:( working on the presentation took really long and it's still not over yet. i still have the animation to do:(

i am supposed to go shopping with the sister unit. she told me last night that we have to wake up at 10am today. but when i woke up at 11.23am, she's still sleeping-.- tian ah.

and microsoft office 2007 has turned me into a lazy preparer. i no longer go to fireworks and come up with attention-grabbing headings. instead i just rely on their lousy wordart. hahas. plus! i dont design my own template anymore. i keep using the same old default template. lazy woman!

the urge to binge.
broke my pact (with myself) and ate a double chocolate donut 2 nights ag0. but it was out of desperation. i couldnt find any other food in the house and I have yet to eat dinner:(

and while helping the parents in the shop, I sneaked a small chocolate (those small small Cadbury ones) and ate it.

I curb the urge to binge. But I took small bites of things that I shouldn’t be eating. I think i am those kind that eat when she's stress. and when the stress-o-meter overshoot a certain limit, i stop eating. this is bad.

Helping the parents.

Didn’t want to go home after tuition. I should be in school but *shrugs*

So I helped the parents tidied up the display for snacks and stock up new goodies(: Pictures!!

Pictures from the shop:

the tagging of price tags(:

the chocolate i asked my dad to order.

(it's not selling by the way:X)

the ugly colon box.

but when you open it up, it looks so pretty(:

helping out in the shop can be therapeutic? it's just mindless tagging of price tag and rearranging the displays so that it flows and theres more space for the new goods.

yups. i better go get ready. more tonight?

说谎伤害都是不安犯的错。

2008-01-30T21:08:00.000+08:00

you are tired. i am tired too.

therefore, for the sake of the meeting, please CONTRIBUTE. so we can end the meeting earlier and REST.

ANGRY. the attitude of some people is really atrocious.

i mean if it's a social gathering and chat, fine. you can fume and everything. i dont give a shit.

but this is a PROJECT MEETING, you cannot afford to act like a spoilt brat who pouts when they are tired.

urgh.

2008-01-29T20:31:00.000+08:00

so here i am at pacific cafe. time check: 8.32pm. been here since 4?

the rest are off having fun shooting the short videos for our presentation while i am stuck here guarding their stuff and editing our powerpoint presentation.

i think when you give me the task of doing a powerpoint presentation, i kind of fall into my own world. nothing else matters. it's me, the information and the presentation. maybe thats why i am not having as much fun today?

the presentation? *sigh* they want a solid presentation but the information for me to dissect and split into slides are in bits and pieces. kind of put off? because i dont mind doing the whole presentation but i need all the information so i can see the flow! oh wells.

back to my own little world.

2008-01-29T01:10:00.000+08:00

watching spop.
watching spop for the second week in a row. this week is lee wei song and lee si song. i must say they are really talented. *nods* in a way that i cant describe. it just sort of hit me on the head when i was listening to their songs(:

i prefer lee wei song to lee si song. hahas. but i have to say 听说爱趁回来过 is really nice and he wrote it. hmmms. *shrugs*

like this phrase from one of their song, " 怕明天已不是做梦的年龄"

romantic princess.
cyn said that she find 卓文宣 very sweet in the show. my first reaction, "she's in the show?"

then after watching the show (halfway through), i feel like slapping her character-.-

i remember cyn telling me that her guy friends mentioned that 卓文宣 has a thing about her that make a guy want to protect her. really?!?!?!

the show is not that bad anyway(:

the mess.
today, i moved my books to my bed and studied. no table? nono. my table is big enough for two people to study. no chair? have. i have a swivel chair and an armchair. then?

ano..my table is too messy for me to study there-.- i feel repulse when i want to study there:X so i moved my BF323 to my bed and sat on the floor to study. now my room looks like a war zone.

my bed. after a day of hard work.

my armchair where i dump random stuff.

my table. stuffed with teddies, papers and printer.

the hello kitty keyboard.
my sister came home and shouted, " ah shaaaaaannnn..." as i was standing in the war zone trying to formulate a plan of attack, i was like, " WHAT?!"

she opened my room door and wiped out a hello kitty keyboard and insist that i take it. i asked her why she replied, " i dont have a desktop." but i dont have a desktop too! and she said she was referring to a table. and i am like, " look at my table! it's like a hurricane just swiped through!"

but in the end, she still insisted that i take the keyboard-.- so here is the pink keyboard attached to my lappy (dont laugh!) :

it's super hard to use eh. or maybe because i am used to my lappy keypad. i keep typing the wrong alphabet! THIS IS FRUSTRATING.

anyway, i am going to get a mouse with a super long wire! so i can sit FAAAARRRR AWAY from the screen and use my laptop. my mum keep doing spot checks these days. hahas.

attire tomorrow.
i am going to look super gee-na tomorrow. i have decided to borrow my sister's blue "jumper" and then decide to use my backpack (on sivan's advice). theres more! i am going to wear a hair-band! and flipflops! tian ah.

i told juan not to laugh when she sees me in the morning tomorrow. she say she will giggle-.-

scotchey! dont laugh when you see me in AB214 okay?!?!?!

BEDTIME! WISH ME LUCK FOR MY BF323 QUIZ!!!!

oh yeah! i have finalised my fyp group(: whee~ let's hope we wont pull each other hair out during the course of the project(: and a warning, i CAN be dramatic at times(:

blah blah blah. i am blah-ing, arent i?(:

2008-01-28T02:31:00.000+08:00

i have an idea what to get for everyone for valentine's day!

everyone being people whom i can meet in school on tuesday and wednesday (i dont have school on vday:)!

shall not say what it is yet. just in case, i fall sick. lols.

2008-01-28T01:08:00.000+08:00

sunday is over in a *blink blink*

managed to complete the last 2 chapters of my BF323. so tomorrow will be spent REVISING. cant believe i am actually going to take a quiz after attending just one seminar-.- suicidal? maybe. *shrugs* collecting good luck(:

while watching "The Unbeatable", a stupid thought struck me. some wedding dress have very long trains at the back, right? so i am guessing, the train must be very heavy as the bride and groom runs out of the church and everyone throws rice at them. why? because the rice collects in the train! -.-

i have yet to settle stuff about the upcoming internship and i am now submerged in questions about fyp. apparently registration starts 4th Feb!!! this is bad because scotchey and i have yet to find a 3rd fyp mate! HELP!! and without a 3rd mate, we cant really start thinking about our topic! *faints* YOU! if you dont have a fyp mate, JOIN US!

and when futures and forwards (ie BF323 mugging) gets too boring, it's time i swipe out my hp camera!

i love my samsung phone(: even though i cant customize alot of things but the self-shot function provide some entertainment when i am bored *grins grins*

righto(: no smart thoughts. no emo thoughts today. just me and my BF323.

eh? NBL is still on? it's been on forever!!

been a good day(: perhaps my ~~life~~ mood is on an upswing now? a bull market?

i AM still a little anti-social though :X and i am looking for a good bicker o.O

just because i dont seem it. doesnt mean that i am slow.

2008-01-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

my mouse is spoilt AGAIN.

thats like the second mouse in 1.5 years? *faints*

now i am trying to use the really tiny mouse that my sister have (which i have to return when she comes back).

I NEED TO GET A NEW MOUSE!

2008-01-27T00:44:00.000+08:00

the hair cut.
i almost got lost in far east. almost. but i followed my instinct and luckily, it was correct! *phew* seriously, that place needs more directory. or maybe re-organising-.-

went in and plonked down. realised that after herbal dyeing, i cant do chemical dyeing until the herbal hair grows away-.-

i wanted to cut short SHORT. but my hairdresser gave me an exasperated face (because everytime i'm there, i say the same thing) and stopped me. so i had to make do with short fringe. yesyes, i cut my precious fringe!

cut, touch-up (on hair color), treatment and shampoo cost me $248. cheaper than expected. but some of you are probably fainting.

the look:
this is without flash and using "warm" mode on my camera (which instantly gives tan to everyone). as terence and my mum have observed, i look seriously 脸青青 these days-.-

new look? not exactly the re-vamp i wanted but this will have to do, i guess.

the song.
i have been hearing this song way too much on the radio-.-

i dont like it but it's starting to grow on me. but i will never like like it. and it will never get stuck in my head like other songs (eg bubbly, everything)

the unexpected comforting?
here's a big thank you to yangjie, yiu huang, sivan, jianchong and ber for friday(: some are really unexpected but at least it stopped me from feeling insecured and alone.

even if it's just for awhile.

i was...
i was selfish today. and i cant post the reason here. trying so hard not to beat myself about it.

today is my off day. no work done at all. and i plan to keep it that way.

i am feeling worried. my dad seem to be feeling unwell these two days. and being stubborn as always, refuses to see the doctor. these days, you can see him conking out in front of the tv. so if you happen to be in the living room, you will see both my dad and i sleeping on the sofa with the news blabbering on.

the mother unit told the father unit this, "她迟早有一天会晕倒。" they are talking about me cause my days are so jam-packed with lessons/projects these days that i dont have time to eat:( now i keep having stomach cramps (that has nothing to do with menses) that starts when i dont eat and starts when i eat. not to mention that i havent been sleeping enough. *shrugs*

some pictures(:

the rainbow at delifrance(: there's something about their lights(:
this was from super long ago. during "I Am Legend".

my natural alarm!(: the sun shines on my face every morning.

this was from super long ago too. a week before school starts, i think.
scotchey and i during comms class on friday(:
the people from table 2(:
we dominate our table! 3 people using one table. whahaha.
my half nail :(
i had to cut it off cause it's too painful for me to keep it. eeks.
the crocodile that will chomp your finger if you press the wrong teeth. hees.
in the background: can you see my 爱心面包？(in the top left) my mum made it(:
the picture i edited for my BF221 project(:
joanne's and yiling's face on tom+kat's wedding picture:X

in conclusion.
today's been a slightly better day than the past week. the wonders of a good night sleep?

but sometimes, i cant help but feel like charlie brown:

i will be okay, right?

can i just put all this down to a serious bout of insecurity?

2008-01-25T00:06:00.001+08:00

shopping with the mother unit(:

the ladies of the house (mum, sis and i) rushed out of the house at noon to have lunch at amk hub. went to the wow!noodle stall and realised that it's gone! in its place is a different stall with a similar concept BUT the food sucks:(

then my sister left for work. my mum and i went to look for bras and some random stuff. couldnt find any i like. so we went to J8. still dont have! reluctantly, i bought 2 bikini-like ones. they are the cheapest bra i have ever got! 30 bucks each? and they are triumph!

i must agree with ber. triumph is turning into an auntie brand. too lacy for my taste. and i hate lace ever since i was a little girl. i will always ask my mum to remove the lace from my dresses. hmm.

i bought shoes too! kappa's(: my mum got a new blender/juicer. and we got some random stuff.

the result of the brother unit.

i called my brother from the shop to ask about his results. before i can even say, "hello", he screamed down the hp and very rudely said, "havent get lah!". i was freaking angry. how can someone be that rude? urgh.

i told my mum and she said maybe he thought it was her who was calling. erm..so? if it was my mum calling, the more he should be respectful right? angry.

anyways, he got 18 points. not too bad for a person who rarely studies.

what i told my mum.

my mum asked me to go home and rest when we reached my dads shop and i told her, "i dont want."

i realised that i really dread heading home these days. i rather rot in my dads shop. because when i am home, i will have to mug. i will be faced with all my textbook, tutorials, messy table and everything else.

and i will be ALONE. facing the stress monster alone. locked away in my room which used to make me feel so relaxed and happy. now i am just avoiding it. it's like a prison to me :(

the unfolding of the truth.

my mum is slowly catching on to my lousy mood. bestie is worried and she dont know how to help.

i am sinking back into the very thing i promised not to do this year. yearning, craving. most importantly, wanting to use it to escape. but since we are no longer talking, it's not going to happen. hoping against hope that i wont look for a new one. i wont i wont i wont.

while walking home, i realised that sometimes it's so tiring to be me. to be who i am. to be stuck with my personality and not be able to stop. because if i can stop being me without feeling the pinch, then maybe i will be okay. so tiring that sometimes i wish i can stop.

such a terrible time to fall into my dark mood:( and i was still hoping that 2008 will be even better than 2007-.-

alright, let's try to think of something happy.

erm..eh...ah...i fell asleep in front of the tv again?

shucks. this is bad.

whatever will be, will be.

cutting my hair tomorrow. bestie asked what style? i have no idea. i told her that if my mood is really lousy, i will just chop them off. otherwise, i will keep it. see what the hairdresser suggest? yups. somehow, i still feel that i am cutting my hair way too early. i should cut it like next week? hahas. *shrugs*

i have lost a friend? not lost dead. but just lost, in general. you know? of course you dont.

i am STRONG! i can get through this dark and haunting turmoil. i dont need a boyfriend to save me, to make me laugh. i can get through this. hopefully.

but that doesnt stop me from wishing that i have.

2008-01-24T20:50:00.000+08:00

theres something about sudoku. it stops the thoughts from flowing(:

2008-01-24T03:27:00.000+08:00

the brother unit will be getting his O'levels results tomorrow. hoping he will do well enough to get into the course he wants.

i want to go back to going to my O's too. ~~re-choose my path.~~ follow my original path. then maybe i wont be that caught up in the rat race. *shrugs*

i am in the wrong specialisation! kind of. whatever. one more year and i will get that un-laminated piece of paper. and of course, taking pictures with my family in my square hat. major attraction. haa.

brought this crocodile toy to lecture today. forced sampat king and juan to play with me. hahas. i think my second finger is gone. everytime kana "chomped" by the crocodile -.-

went home after AB213 lect and plonked in the shop. my mum asked me whats wrong and i told her i am in a lousy mood. almost cried. but i didnt. my mask is falling off. *opps*

didnt do ANY work today. except reading BF221 notes before heading for AB213 lect today. came home and watched tv. after which, i bathed and played stupid games. spacing out in front of my computer. i know i am going to have to pay for this little free time now, tomorrow. but i need this "break".

i am growing wary of you. can you tell?

someone bring me some insecticide. because the can of worms is open.

2008-01-23T14:22:00.000+08:00

"have you ever considered if the person is worth it before you go all out for them?"

devil sisters asked me that on saturday.

i dont. it's stupid, i know. because of this i have been used as stepping board countless of time. when a person is sad, they will come to me. when they are okay, they leave me alone. what happens when i am done? no one is around. hurt? maybe.

sometimes, when i am down and in need of someone to just pull me up but too god-damn proud to ask for help, i do wonder if it's worth it?

paying so much attention to my friends. aware of their schedule, their likes and dislikes, the little changes in their mood, "worrying" when they are sick or about to fall sick. sometimes i wish i can stop. stop remembering what my friends like, stop remembering their schedule from just one glance. remembering details about past events. stop stop stop.

juan said this is something about me that i should be proud of. am i?

i cant believe after a year, i am back where i started. a similar banana ass (watermelon ass?). a used stepping board.

but at least, now i know the person is not a good friend.

there are many things i want to say but i cant say it here.

the exasperation on the devil sisters' face on saturday when i replied. i guess they are tired of watching me being used.

i'm tired. tired of smiling and pretending that i am NOT tired in front of my parents. but i dont want them to worry.

i miss deyi. miss ling, juan, lai and everybody else. because i am not feeling okay now. i need them to be around me to make me cry. just one word from them and i can break down safely. knowing that they will be around until i finish.

they know how to make me cry out my frustration. know how to make me stop. know how to watch my moods like the weather. i miss them:(

oei! bring back that cheery me from the first week of school!

talking about camps that we have been to was fun yesterday(: i cant believe juan dont remember anything about the last council camp we went to! us, seniors, were scolded by mdm aishah because the night walk was too late. and how we all cramped into the council room and sleep the next day while the kids went off to deal with the open house. and i discovered that i have NEVER eaten any raw egg before because adelyne volunteered to help me eat every single one of them back in sec 1 when raw egg was a famous sabo item(:

2008-01-23T13:18:00.000+08:00

tuition was cancelled last minute because tutee was not feeling. she just had her BCG injection. i was already at the bus stop! in the end, i walked all the way back home.

so here i am. at home again. a little jiffed cause a morning was wasted (i could have studied or sleep in!).

waiting for 2.45 to roll by before i head to school for AB213 lecture. which i have to go because i need my notes back and juan has my eraser as hostage-.-

2008-01-23T03:36:00.000+08:00

last sarcastic thought before i doze off.

SIA girl? haha.

impossible. my inability to swim and the fear of water aside. the number of cuts i received on my hands these days is enough to disqualify me 3 times from the selection.

when i am too tired to dream, i need someone to do it for me.

2008-01-23T03:09:00.001+08:00

i told joanne, "i hope to end meeting by 7pm." fat hope. we ended the meeting at 9.30pm.

bounced train (ie took to marina bay and back) and did my AB214 self-evaluation on the train. tabao-ed macs from J8 before heading home. my hands/arms were shaking pretty badly (from exhaustion and carrying my heavy bag and lappy the whole day, i think). so when i got on the bus, i called my dad for SOS.

he came down and fetched me from the bus stop(: helped me carry BOTH my bag and lappy. *touched* it's been a long time since my dad came down to fetch me from the bus stop. this kind of things are sweet once in a while, no?

had my macs in my parents' room and watched coffee prince with my mum. no one complained(: didnt finish my meal. ate the nuggets and gave the fries and coke (juan is gonna be so proud.lols) to my dad. hahas.

my eyes were so itchy just now. i was too lazy to do anything else other than rubbing it. when i went to brush my teeth just now, i realised my eyes look puffy. like cotton balls were stuffed under my eyelids. eeks.

during comms class, terence (new friend from ab214) were trying to classify if i am "eat potato" or "eat rice". in other words, am i more english-oriented or mandarin-oriented. he thought i listen to chinese songs and all since i always speak in mandarin. but when scotchey and i told him, "WRONG! she "eat potato" de. she listens to english songs and watch a lot of english drama!" he was kind of confused? intrigued? because how can i watch ang-moh stuff when i speak in mandarin all the time? hahas. 中西合并mah..

i have no idea what i just typed. so random. better off in bed.

my all-time favorite anime (after inuyasha) - Fruit Basket. and the song that's currently stuck in my head. totally unrelated. but it's the only way i can play the song!

Well she's hotter than hell; And she's cool as they come
And she's smart and she's wild; All rolled into one
It's not easy to see; That she's an angel to you, But she's a devil to me.

2008-01-22T02:22:00.000+08:00

being a fluffy-brain (ie scatter brain), i have decided to use the post-it software again.

so that i KNOW what i have to do. and so that i wont get STRESS out (hopefully).

feels like i am back in hall-.-

everyone, let's welcome back my messy desktop and slow startup!! *cheers*

2008-01-22T01:11:00.000+08:00

quick post before i return to BF323. i have 3 chapters to read and i am only 1.5 chapters through:( it's taking way longer than expected. i have to read every word loudly and slowly to digest them. i think i will have to go to class tmr, one chpt behind and hopefully still be able to understand. no notes as of now. lecturer slow? *shrugs*

no romantic princess today! miserable. hahas.

黄金路's last episode today! not too bad. finally, a different ending. have no interest in the new show cause of dawn yeoh. yuks.

did this quiz last night. quite accurate -

Your time of day has a split personality -- sometimes it's sweat-streaked and loud, and you're on the dance floor, getting your third wind, and shouting lyrics like you'll never run out of energy. You are the time of night that carves itself into your memory forever, because you'll never forget how much you love these people and this moment and this song. It's not always about unforgettable parties, though. Sometimes your late night (err… early morning) burst of energy happens when you're home alone. Those are the times when you say, "I flat out refuse to go to sleep until I finish reading this book, or typing this page, or reorganizing my entire closet." In either case, you are the time of night when it feels sort of forbidden to be awake, but you love accomplishing something special long after everyone else went to bed. And hey -- you can always catch up on sleep tomorrow, right?

and while watching SPOP with the whole family (because it is sun yan zi), there was this quiz -

cat: the personality that i think i have
deer: the personality other people think i am (i am gentle?!!!)
dog: the personality that i actually have

accurate? *shrugs*

morning class tomorrow. cannot imagine the queue for 179A. may take 179 or 199. i just have to walk. *determined* shall try to wake up earlier tmr.

which means i should return to my work. *scurries back*

2008-01-21T18:25:00.001+08:00

i am STRESSED. i surrender.

i have been hiding and pushing that thought away for the past week. i mean, if you dont admit it, then it's not true aye?

but i AM going to admit it now. because by admitting it, you can take steps to reduce it, no?

and besides, i cant hide it anymore. my palms are starting to sweat, i am found reading on my bed (maybe thats because of the cramps and exhaustion), i am constantly scrying for food in the kitchen, tense shoulders and the sick smell that i cannot get rid of:(

i am STRESS. help:(

and i realised i cant go for H2H dinner tmr because of project meeting:(

oh, cny come quickly. because by the 5th, my troubles will be over.

2008-01-21T01:48:00.000+08:00

romantic princess.

two episodes in and i kind of like it.

吴尊's acting is slightly better than the last time. still as good looking as before(:

i realised why taiwan dramas are bad for me. it's because they have a lot of 肩膀. a lot of scenes where the shoulders are there when needed. yesyes.

i like this song(:

当世界不知不觉的变了
有时候我怀念以前的我
作的梦虽然远远的
想像是一种快乐..

2008-01-21T00:02:00.000+08:00

hello! from a very tired me *weak wave*

i am kind of giving up on the categorizing of my post. maybe i should just type everything out and THEN think of a suitable sub-title for them. because, let's face it, sub-titling my post makes it easier for the reader and of course, myself. so yups yups.

as of now...
i am having a major case of mood swings as of this moment. i have "bite" every single person that came within my vicinity (maybe except for my mum). it IS pms and i suspect it's been amplified because of the lack of chocolates in my life:(

my face is still breaking out. 3 pimples with another one impending. this is total crap-ness. but i have to live with it. and as it's pms season, i am suffering from a total lack of self-confidence. maybe not all the time. but it has a fluctuation that can match the stock markets these days.

saturday.
went shopping with cyn and mabel on saturday. it was fruitless. we combed through all of vivocity and found nothing. theres this dress in Forever 21, it's pretty! i like it in black but then it defeats the purpose of buying it for cny. the girls asked me to buy it in orange but then if i did, i will only wear it for cny and it will be a waste of money. so in the end we bought nothing. heres the picture of the dress (and some random ones):

the dress in black.

mabel and i in zara. we wore the same color combination. right down to the shoes.

mabel, me and cyn(: they are trying to squeeze me to death-.-

there's some random pictures with the girls too. send me!!! hahas.

is my hair really that long now? everyone has been saying, "shan, your hair is so long now. pretty!" hmms. my ends are like grass! dry and frizzy :( i need to freshen up my look. pronto.

dinner was good. had sushi tei(: hmm. the menu there looks different from the one at raffles city! hmmms. oh wells. i had my first proper meal for the week(: cynthia was amazed that even after my ramen, i could still gobble down my tamago pachi and iceballs. but i did(:

when the shops closed down, we went up the open garden and talked. it was nice looking at the stars. i was kind of in my world then. me and the stars(: it's been such a long time since i saw so many stars! i almost mistook the orion's belt (or the sisters stars) for something else. and i saw my star (the golden star)! hahas.

my love life.
quotable quote of the day. from cyn to me, " shan, i have no idea why your love life sucks." after which we burst out laughing. yesyes, my love life sucks. hahas. oh wells. *shrugs* life carries on, right?

reached home around 12 plus. nuar-ed. my bones and joints were aching again. and i went to sleep after awhile.

random-ness.
my sis went for jay's concert! super rich woman lah! hahas. oh well. i dont like jay chou THAT much anyway. hahas.

the bag i am eye-ing for in bananahouse is available!! whees~

sunday.
sunday was spent sleeping. i am having cramps, mood swings and flu. a deadly cocktail. i finished up reading my comms and my BF221. still have BF323 which i have to die-die read finish by tomorrow if not i will be lost in class on tuesday. hopefully, i can catch up on AB213 as well by wednesday.

i am still having cramps and ach-ey joints. mood swings is quarantined since i have locked myself in my room, switched off my handphone and signed out of msn. i AM feeling a little anti-social. and i predict that i will be as anti-social today (monday).

i need hugs:( i need someone to make me laugh:(

please give me something; cause someday i might know my heart.

2008-01-19T02:29:00.000+08:00

this was my week.
from monday, it was BF221 all the way. tuesday, wednesday, thursday and friday. all BF221. and it's not going to stop. we have another presentation on week 4. and we just had our first discussion (online). *faints* i just want ONE day without BF221. i'm beginning to sound like how i was during marketing days. hahas.

but presentations gives me a blast.

4 hours or less of sleep every night. carrying laptop (battery and charger included), textbooks, umbrella, water bottle, sweater and etc. heavy eh! no wonder i chose to not bring pencil case this week:X hahas.

my body is crying out for some care and rest. blue black on right shoulder cause my bag was way too heavy:( *rubs blue black*

how i survived this week? coke coke coke and more coke. i am always reliant on it when i am tired. i crave for it! hahas. i think i spent $10 buying coke this week. scary? you betcha. but i am a coke-a-holic. opps.

oh yeah. theres this day (i think it's thursday) that i woke up CHEERING. my brain was filled with cheers. the ke-mah-mah cheer, the ET cheer, the do-a-dee-dee-dum-dee-dee-do cheer, the boom-chicka-boom cheer, the fever cheer, the we-will-rock-you cheer and the bombing game! omg. but it was nice(: i miss camps and most importantly, the people in it:(

a new year resolution that needs help.
okay, i dont actually announce my resolutions. but for this particular one, i have to. i want to stop slouching! i think it's my crumpler. i tend to slouch when i walk. so ugly!

so people, if you see me slouching, kick me or something. thanks(:

finalised time table. FOR REAL.
yet to put it into nice nice format. too tired ah. so have to make do with the ugly STARS one.

not too bad. exams are all 9 days apart. i end one week before internship starts. scotchey! i end on the same day as you! but you end in the morning right?

sometimes what you need (friends)...
sometimes, you dont need more friends. you just need one good one. and it will feel like you have a huge group of friends. really.

conversely, sometimes, you dont need a small close group of friends. you want a huge group of friends. because all your close friends are so caught up in their life, you feel abandoned and like you are the one forcing everyone else to meet up.

sometimes, it feels like your friends are forgetting about you. because they are all busy dating. it's as if their receptors are damaged. they are just not who they used to be. it doesnt matter that the time they spend with you have decreased but it's more like the care they show has plunged. if getting attached means i will be ignorant to the feelings of my friends, i rather not get hitched then.

and if you know you are not going to make the effort to maintain a friendship (or any relationship, for that matter), then why bother starting and cultivating it to that point? just leave it as that. dont turn an acquaintance into a friend. you hear me?

the month is coming to an end. i still DONT see a SPP gathering. and work is not an excuse for not doing her part. because aint studying like working too? besides, i did planned alot of gatherings when i was working. no excuse. i have decided, we will NOT have any gathering until she organizes one. this applies to the rest of the clan except san cause that woman really have too little time to herself.

grumblings.
sick for a week. other than ber and my mum, no one else really bothered to come and ask, "you ok?". feels kind of weird. *shrugs* my body is screaming out for attention. it's obviously not getting any from me or anyone else. oh wells.

important thing is..I SURVIVED THE WEEK. albeit i am still a little bit sick.

i dont want to wake up groaning and whinning from pain again. these past few nights are enough.

was telling joey what happened and she said maybe i was too tense. hmm. shes moving to GWC outlet:( no one to talk to anymore. i will really miss joey! was thinking about it on my way home and felt really sad. especially since i am not going to go back to perlini again.

saw a stray golden retriever today. it must be a stray or it's lost because i dont see any owner and frankly, the place where it is at is a place where it's impossible for anyone to walk their dog there. i was on the bus and i saw it. my mouth dropped. literally! it was so cute! and it sat down on the slope and watched the mrt passed by. it's tongue was hanging out too! it feels like it's smiling and enjoying life. but how can anyone abandon such a cute dogs or any dogs?!!!

i messaged bestie about it and she was equally mad. she asked if i called SPCA. but the thing is..what if it doesnt get adopted?! will they put it to sleep? ahh.. no! please dont!

sorry, i am very protective of animals. i cant, for the life of me, imagine why anyone will JUST ABANDON their pets. they are almost like your friends! so why in the world do you want to abandon it?

the question.
i asked my mum if we will be going to "The Garden of Remembrance" during CNY since it is pretty close to my grandpa's anniversary. and she said, "no." and i just felt kind of sad.

i want to go:( maybe i'll just head over after school someday since it's just 1.2km away. but i need someone to accompany me cause it's rather deserted. *sigh* i'll find a way somehow. as CNY approaches, i miss my grandpa the most.

lastly...
time for bed!!!!!!!!!!!! omg. i am so excited! 9 hours of sleep~

enough of sad stuff today! happy stuff tomorrow, aye?

stare at myself in the mirror. take me apart piece by piece.

2008-01-18T00:45:00.000+08:00

grouchy shans on the prowl *meow*
i think i was having mood swings towards the end of the meeting and everyone saw it. opps. but i am tired and sick):

and i am super rude when we were tying up the loose ends tonight.

anyway, microsoft 2007 can be a pain in the ass! especially if most of your friends AND your school is still using the older version of microsoft. *grouchy*

the day!
tomorrow is presentation day. that's it! and i have yet to practice for it!

it's just narrator. so it shouldnt be that hard. i can de! and it's a group effort! go go BF221 group!(:

right.
bedtime. more tomorrow, perhaps.

2008-01-17T01:19:00.000+08:00

the stomach pain.
is killing me. it's the worst at night. i guess it's because my energy are slowly running low and i cant block/ignore the pain anymore. it's just sort of "amplifies" itself.

i should not have arrange my lessons back-to-back:(

just let me get my HP803. *prays hard*

how i slept last night.
i was so exhausted last night that i just conked out when i finally allowed myself to rest. my slides were not near done but i had to rest. my whole body is aching like nobody's business. when the cool sheets touched my skin, it feels so good that i just conked out.

but! i woke up at 5am, groaning and whining subconciously. my whole body was aching so bad that it woke me up from my sleep. but my mind was so tired that it refused to wake up. resulting the whines and groans. i was semi-aware but couldnt shut myself up. thank goodness i have my own room now.

when i finally fall back asleep, it was 5.30am.

then this morning, i think i woke up at 10.30am. but this time round, my mind was awake. but my body refuses to wake up. so there i was lying in bed with my eyes close and my body curled up and my mind awake, thinking about stuff that i cant remember now.

i told my mum what happened and she declared that i am officially overworked and suffering from exhaustion.

oh no! it's only the 2nd week! *horrors*

things will get better after CNY. Bf221 will be settled. just AB213 and AB214. *breathes*

but in a twisted kind of way, despite the exhaustion, i like working on projects. give me projects anytime. i will take it over written examination.

in other news...
bestie cut her hair! so now both of my besties have short hair! my turn next? *wriggles eyebrow* but! i just realised how LONG my hair is now!cant bear to cut! which reminds me! i need to book for my hair appointment next week!

juan was complaining that shes fat. and then bestie said she is too. and i said, "i think i am normal. and i think both of you are normal as well!" because frankly, as long as you are my friend, i dont really care about your appearance. i will think of you in terms of your character! just like how i dont care if you are drop-dead gorgeous, if you have the personality of the wicked witch from the west, you are U-G-L-Y. like a garden troll.

the three of us had some pretty serious discussion about *drums roll* the stock market! omg. *faints* but i realised, the three of us have different understanding about it. hahas. but of course, our main topic of the night was plenty of bullying and gah-brish(((:

in alternative news..
NP sent their course book to my brother. and i was looking through it. DAMN! they have a lot of new courses these days! if these courses were around during MY days, i would have definitely gone to poly! because, the main reason why i went to JC was because they dont have psych in poly. *grumbles*

but seriously, i really think i should have followed my original plan and gone to poly after my O's. if i had gone, i would be doing Mass Communication or Accountancy

righto.
i better go. i keep forgetting that i am waking up at 6.30am tomorrow to go to school for rehersal. and it is supposedly my off day! *sulks* it's okay, it's okay.

thinking about what to make for vday already! (: i'm thinking should i give presents to guys this time (fyi, sec sch guy friends are not considered guys. they are jiemeis.hees) ? because it might get mistaken? send wrong message? oh wells. let's see what i am making first!

theres a stranger in my life.

2008-01-16T21:03:00.000+08:00

it's only half-body! so weird. but oh wells(:

introductory presentation, everyone(: i'm in shorts though :X

2008-01-16T03:42:00.002+08:00

disclaimer: blogger (aka me) is very tired. not thinking. so if the previous post offended anyone, i am so sorry! especially the part about presentation. sorry sorry sorry. i am just such a perfectionist. my bad.

just in case. shan is dead.

2008-01-16T02:54:00.000+08:00

the presentation.
it went well? not too bad, i guess(: room for improvement of course!

my body language was a little defensive. i had my hands clutched in front of me all the time. and i need a stronger ending.

the video will be out tomorrow. i'll post it here? i need to do a self-assessment and hand it up by next week, i think hmmms. *shrugs*

the adrenaline rush that presenting gives me is a mixture of fear and excitement(:

the BF221 project.
let me repeat. the tutor is mad!!! 1 week for a project that can take at least 2 weeks? my 3-day week just turned into a 5-day week this week.

and i am in-charge of compiling again. i mean, instead of having someone else do it and i get angry and exasperated (which i always do. because i am very picky about my slides), i might as well do it, right? get them to do the tables for me and background, animation and pictures? me me!

tsktsk. too perfectionist? maybe.

i wonder if theres a job where you do nothing but PERFECT other people's presentation. *thinks*

meeting up with juan and lai(:
the three of us meet up. juan went with me to collect my pay! i didnt know our main office was shifted until i reach suntec. !@*@$&#%^#@%(@#$@#$)@#$) got the new address of the office and we took a cab down. i dont want to go down to town again. it's freaking expensive! $7.80 just for a short ride! ANGRY! with perlini!

juan and i got lost on the way back to city hall. we took a bus and alighted at the wrong stop. but it's okay! we found our way back. met lai and we had kenny rogers(: the both of them are very nice! they help me slice up the chicken and ensure that there's no "blood" on my chicken(: i love their baked beans!!!

after that we walked around marina square. juan ate too much! lols.

too tired to elaborate. shall continue tomorrow.

i had fun. and i love this girls! let's meet up more often!!!!!

friends for sale.
logged in to facebook and saw that i had 16 notificatios. thats ALOT! then i saw this:

wah lao eh! am i caught in some family "fight"? -.- but luckily, mabel bought me! thanks, babe!

how i am feeling now?
like my bones are going to shatter any minute. i better head to bed.

video is up! upload tmr night ba *yawns*

i just want to go back to the silly billy person that i was.

2008-01-15T01:45:00.000+08:00

i have to admit. i like the name "chantal" more than "claudia" now!

but as SPP said, "BUT!!! you have always been claudia!!!"

right.

2008-01-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

the day.
this might be the only subtitle of the day. cause it sort of cover the whole day.

woke up after a lousy night of sleep @ 10.30am. dragged my lazy ass out of the house for facial at 12noon. if cyn and mabel thinks that the facial (that i introduced) is painful, the probably have yet to try this one. one phrase, "not for the faint hearted". now my face is full of red spots. *cries* but hopefully, my face will get better. *prays*

after which, i got sick. i was still feeling a-okay when i left the house. but after facial, MAJOR FLU. i tried to bear with it. but in the end, i gluped down 2 panadols at jurong east. BEH! and i got coke so i can at least feel more energised.

once i got onto 179, it started raining !!! HEAVILY! and i met zongfu. who keep tempting me to go home. *kicks* lols. when i got down at comms sch, i was semi-drenched. which probably add on to my flu-.-

project meeting was long. the tutor is mad. gave us 1 week to do something thats so HUGE. and it's 10% of our grade!! discussed till 10 + and all of us cabbed home. my cab fare was surprisingly cheap. $16.60! i think it's the cheapest eh! i remembered it used to cost me 20bucks! oh wells.

the parents werent home. so i had instant noodle. once the food went down, i'm a goner. gastric:( bad bad. my mum just made me warm milo. but it feels like all my food is jammed at one place. not reaching my stomach-.- i think i might puke if i sneeze too hard.

i havent start on my coommmss-.-

i dont think i am making sense.

i better go.

2008-01-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

comms presentation.
eh..yet to write the one paragraph that's required. i think i will most probably do it tomorrow after i come home from my project meeting. or on the train ride home. since i am lugging my lappy along(:

have a vague idea of how i will start my presentation. but no idea what i want to say. the communication challenge is more or less fixed. it's the first thing that hit my mind when the tutor first told us about the topic.

*fingers crossed* performance day is on tuesday. jiayou(:

solid stuff to mug on.
is it me or is it me? i think it's me. after last semester's subject, this semester feels kind of empty. last sem's subjects are all screaming out for my attention from the start. AA102, HP102, BF215 and BF212.

this semester? i can hear a faint cry from AB213. but thats about it. hmmm. i think NEXT semester, i will D-I-E, DIE! 2 psych mod, AB311 and one BAF core.

so mug hard this sem? like how?

i really want to drop media in america.

notice thee pimples.
my face is breaking out. i have currently 5 pimples on my face.

and my friends are all nice people (except gabby! lols.) because they didnt make a big hoo-hah over it or say, "OMG! SHAN! what happened to your face?!!"

i like kenji's reply on a miscellaneous msn chat, "wad pimples?!"

so here's a big THANK YOU, to all my friends who didnt add on to my misery or cause my self-esteem to drop even lower. arigato~ (:

i'm sorry to say this..
happy people, especially couples or soon-to-be couples, are making me sick.

dont get me wrong, i am happy that you guys are happy(: i really really am!

but i dont know. all this happiness is "hurting" me. like the effect sun have on vampires. IF, i can dramatise it.

i am turning into scrooge. SHIT! *runs to check if her skin is turning green and scaly*

movies.
i realised i like movies that are like AVP, I Am Legend, (especially) Resident Evil, National Treasure and etc.

i like romance comedy too. but i am not as willing to part with my money just to watch them. for those type of movie mentioned above, yes yes yes, take my money. lols.

yeahyeahyeah.
whatever. emo-ish. mood swings. pimples popping. i think i should go to bed soon.

back away from me. stay in your little realm of happiness. because i am turning into scrooge and it's contagious.

2008-01-13T19:17:00.000+08:00

chicken or what?
i hate thunderstorms. no, wait. i hate hate hate thunderstorms. i almost jumped out of my skin just now:(

the lightnings are scary! right outside my window. even when it's at the opposite block, i can see it reflected on my window pane. it doesnt help that i was studying next to the window:( i yelped and let out wimpy whine everytime the freaking lightning flashed. wasted 45 minutes, sitting on my bed, hugging my "comfort" pillow and waiting for the next lightning.

tsktsk. i am going to be 21 soon! i shouldnt be afraid of lightnings! besides, i never used to be afraid of lightnings when i was a teeny weeny girl. where did all my guts go? *ponders*

yoohooo~ this kind of behaviour is unacceptable! lols.

the goals this ~~year~~ semester.
i dont know. but i think i am going to throw aside everything irrelevant and mug my guts out this semester. and judging from how i feel, i think it's possible.

no more crayons. no more crayolas. no more mr smu. no more color pencil. enough is enough.

it's all about me now. me me me. and my family too(: friends? yes, girlfriends only.

i sound like i am entering my terrible twos-.-

but yes. enough hurt is enough. enough! it's time i put a stop to it. i'll even go to the extreme and say, " i dont believe in relationships!".

shut up, little me! stop forming that little glowing blue orb of hope. i am going to chase you and smash it. stop! *gives chase*

the post secret secret.
crap.
AVP starts in 1 minute!!

*runs to switch on her super slow TV*

2008-01-13T02:07:00.000+08:00

the BF221 textbook.
is making my eyes STING. *rubs* i think it's the smell of the textbook. boo boo.

my textbook is not the recommended one:( the popular girl lied! kind of. but i checked with the course coordinator and he said it's okay. the contents are more or less the same. mine is a newer version *phew*

been thinking if i should spend my last and ONLY GE that i can use freely (since the rest is spent on my minor in psycho) on a BAF mod. maybe i should? because everyone seems to be doing that.

the guy who sat next to us in comms class.
i confess! i took a peek at his STARS planner. he has like 8 mods!! is he mad? maybe i am the mad one?

he was asking me which BAF modS (notice the S) i am doing this semester. when i mentioned one, he keep quizzing me over and over again! i think i shocked the daylight out of him? hmm. oh wells.

call it instinct, but i am throwing him into the "judge friends based on FV" bundle.

the exchange between juan and me.
bored to tears by our AB213 lecturer, the following was exchanged..

(somehow or another we got to the topic of second toes)
me: my second is looooonnnnggg!
juan: i heard from my friend that long 2nd toe means that your husband will be scared of you in the future.
*pause*
me: that's good!!!! right?! *grins*

why the poor stays poor?
maybe i am slow. or these thought never really bothered me. but while reading the BF221 textbook, i got the answer? kind of.

when you are poor, the parents are always trying to make ends meet. trying to give their kids the best that they can give. to the point whereby they dont have any leftovers to put into their retirement funds.

therefore, when the kids grow up, they have to pay off their study loans, meet their own personal needs and at the same time make sure that their parents are enjoying their retirement. after everything, they might have nothing or very little to contribute to their own retirement fund. and the cycle repeats.

yups.

and despite all my complaining and whining, i am very glad and grateful to my parents for NOT allowing me to take that study loan. even though with that loan, the pressure on them will be a gazillion times lighter. i never realised how much it means to me, until today. thanks, mum and dad(:

i guess, thats probably why i feel embarrassed at asking money from them. especially these days. i mean, i AM going to be 21 this year. i should be spending my own money. or using what little allowance they give me more wisely. not ask them for money every single time i want to buy bags/clothes/gadgets and whatnot. even if they offer to pay for me, i still dont like taking and will find means and ways to say no. *shrugs*

if only my brother understands the pressure on my parents and not 怨/scold them when they cant afford to buy him mp3s or upgrades for his computer. *shrugs*

guys:dumb or stupid?
this is a really sweeping (possibly offending) generalisation. but from what i've observed attached girls are usually those who like to take things/people for granted. they tend to have the mentality that, "yesyes, i am the best. bow and be my servant. please me!" that people ARE suppose to be nice to them.

right, and guys tend to like girls who KNOWS how to play mind games.

so guys, are you dumb or stupid?

P/S: but i know a few girls who are attached but NOT like that.

girls: dumb or stupid?
girls, on the other hand, like guys who are a little bad. *sings* bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do when the come for you? *ahem* and a little 粗心. inattentive to details. mostly, MCPs.

so they ALWAYS complain about how their boyfriends are neglecting them and THEN look for a secondary 'boyfriend' (or a close guy friend as they like to call it) who will shower them with the attention thats required. and usually, these secondary boyfriends dont mind!

girls, dumb or stupid? ditch the primary and be with the secondary. since the secondary is making you feel much better. and trust me, you can NEVER turn a bad boy good.

once again, to the secondary boyfriends, dumb or stupid?

in conclusion.
alright, i probably offended everyone. but thats what i have observed.

and these generalisations are based on some assumptions. for the guys part, i am assuming that the guys are doing the wooing. for the girls part, i am assuming that the girls like the boys first. blah blah blah.

oh, why cant good girls and good guys just get together? *slaps self* life is NOT that simple. thats why "..happily ever after.." is such a HUGE deal when it do happens, silly!

okok, i better get to bed. up early to do more BF221. i cant believe we are going to decide the fate of 10% of our grades next week. this is like MADNESS.

laughter is an instant vacation. thus, i need a vacation badly!(:

2008-01-12T19:44:00.000+08:00

i dont know whats the title in english but in hakka, we call her "pak puo". she's my grandpa's brother's wife.

she passed away this afternoon. my family only visit her once a year during cny and she's always trying to stuff us with food(:

i'll miss her laughter. and the way she pronounces my name.

i realised old people have different ways of pronouncing my name. all my grandparents have different ways of pronouncing it. but all are tinge with a little hakka accennt(:

2008-01-12T02:40:00.000+08:00

the hardest friend to say goodbye to is most probably those that you always 斗嘴 with. because you will miss those times. those moments.

i finished all 17 episodes of coffee prince!

not too bad a show. the middle was a lil draggy but all dramas are like that. unlike princess hours, this is not a show that i will want to rewatch. 3.3 stars out of 5(:

next up, last 2 episodes of gossip girl. then 公主小妹！

梦想会成真的。aza!

2008-01-12T01:20:00.000+08:00

BF221 -Wealth Planning.
i was 5 minutes late. and a guy was stuck outside the class for quite sometime until i arrived. hello? cant he at least try pressing those buttons at the side of the door? instead of trying to open a locked door by "sheer" strength? oh wait! how about KNOCKING?!-.- in the end, i pressed the button at the side and BRAVO! the door opened!

my class is overpopulated. fullstop.

class was fun. nice classmates too(: i keep laughing and laughing. the downside? presentation next week :( bummer. which reminds me, i need to work on my comms presentation.

oh and! the coordinator is not going to teach my class! instead, a student who is studying her PhD now is. SHIT! lets just hope she's not soft and dont know her stuff *fingers crossed*

but from what i saw today, i think i can be louder than her without even trying. hmm.

in dad's shop(:
class ended more than an hour early. my phone was retarded. i couldnt receive or send messages until i left boon lay. BAH! angry.

i came home around 4. and then stayed in my dads shop to help. well actually, i was waiting for my mum to go pasar malam with me. but in the end, i stayed while my dad went to take a catnap. and we left for pasar malam at 6.

whee~my mum kind of "praised" me today! heees. a customer asked, "wow. your daughter ah? so guai to come down and help!" then my mum said, "yah. my 2nd daughter. she is the only one who is willing to help out in the shop."

that coming from my mum IS something *big grins*

incidents.
theres 2 geylangs and a little las vegas below my block. everyone should know right? i think i've mentioned it before?

but anyhow! one of the lady from one of the shop came and buy condoms. she tried to act like it's no big deal but she totally flushed up when shes paying. oh well. at least she's not like those guys who buys condoms. they will be fidgeting, loitering around the condom shelf, pale and sweaty and super nervous.

why do people find it embarrassing to buy this stuff?

oh yeah! this uncle came to the shop to buy the evening newspaper. and on the newspaper there's this ad on breast firming. so of course, the model is proudly showing off the cleavage. this uncle is freaking disgusting! he paid for the newspaper, place it on the counter and STARED at the cleavage. as if thats not enough, he brought it close to his face! he stood there for a good 2 minutes looking at the ad. his expression was sickening. PUH-LEASE! it's not the first time the ad appeared! and if you want to enjoy the ad, please do it in the comfort of your own home. PERVERT!

meaningful conversation.
i cant hold a proper conversation without intentionally/unintentionally making it into a joke? i dont know. maybe i can. but just not with everyone. and it depends on the situation as well? *shrugs*

this thought needs further processing.

mission impossible.
my sister has asked me to help her seperate the lyrics on her scores according to beats.

AHHHH! i am beat deaf. tone deaf. musically deaf. HELP!

i am more numbers oriented than musically oriented.

okok.
last episode of coffee prince! i am 1/3 through.

it's so sweet! talking on the phone till one person falls asleep. even then, you dont hang up. the next morning, you wake up and you can hear the person making those sounds that people make when they are about to wake up (well, at least i do!). and thats when you hang up and ring the person phone! and when they pick up, you sing to them. SWEET~

drama is not good for me. not good not good. *chants*

i need to decorate my corkboard!! and i need to go to IKEA!!!!!!!!

2008-01-11T03:14:00.000+08:00

there is a kind of "占有" that's really cute and endearing(: saw it in coffee prince.

but then again, this 占有 is not on me. so maybe thats why it's cute, funny and sweet. hmm.

2008-01-11T01:09:00.000+08:00

as cny approaches..
it's time to wave byebye to my money:( i have to buy new clothes, new shoes, new bags and renovate/refresh my hairstyle.

and of course, i have to by cny goodies for my mum, dad and gramps(: no idea when it started but i have a habit of buying their favorite cny goodies for them. as a way of saying thanks, i guess.

my dad loves the kueh bangkit from bengawan. my mum and gramps are fine with anything. but usually, i get pineapple tarts for my gramps and the goodie with the nuts (i cant remember the name) for my mum. so yes. i need to visit bengawan solo soon(:

i've been a good girl today(:
i read the first chapter of the comms textbook! hahas. i'm so proud of myself(:

but seriously, the book is quite ERMMM. oh wells.

i still retain my view that communication skills CANNOT be taught. and what one deems as good communication skills can be deem by another as lousy communication skills. it's all a matter of opinion eh?

money come my way!
hahas. i need money! hahas. one more tuition job! anyone got lobang? *blink blink*

love.
the song for the 9pm show on channel 8 contains this phrase, "..学会去爱就不会迷路..." the road here means life.

i heard it while on the way to the kitchen to get more pineapple tarts. hahas. then a thought strike me.

why do people view love as the cure all, heal all? why do some people think that if they have love, they have then make it in life? love determines whether you are successful or not in life? why do they make love sound like the most reliable thing in the entire universe?

*sighs* i dont know.

i agree love CAN heal(have they forget about time?). but it doesnt work in all situation. it doesnt cure ALL things. there are certain things that can never be heal by love. it's not the almighty. and love most definitely dont determine how successful you are. well, not by itself. a person's success is determine by other factors as well.

finally, love is NOT reliable. no. it can change faster than i can change my mood. and who says, "学会去爱就不会迷路" ? in fact, it's rather the opposite. when you have learn to love someone, yes, you wont feel lost. but what if the person leaves you? what are you left with? nothing. and thats where the whole 迷路 part comes into play.

maybe i am just pretty skeptical and broken up inside. but the most reliable person in the world is yourself. yourself and maybe your family members (the maybe is there because some families are pretty different). because, you can never leave yourself. *shrugs*

but then again..if love is not the cure all, heal all. what is? money? no way. power? as if! sex? definite no no. so then, if it's not love, what is? friendship? maybe. because the qualities of friendship (as previously mentioned in my december post) is changing.

dont get me wrong, i still believe in love. still waiting for that prince charming. hahas. IF he does exist.

okok.
that's about it. coffee prince then bedtime! school tomorrow. it's the end of the week!

a serious dose of self-doubt, skepticism and low self-esteem. trying to stay afloat. can you tell?

2008-01-10T20:41:00.000+08:00

i like this bag(: found it on bananahouse. i think it's kat's and kexin's store? BUT! they dont have this bag in ivory (ie the color in the picture). bummer.

AHHHHHH~!

2008-01-10T03:05:00.000+08:00

suddenly, i feel like deleting whatever i just post just now.

and i am feeling ugly again. self-esteem plummeting like nobody's business.

there there, emo shan. all you need is sleep.

2008-01-10T01:22:00.000+08:00

tuition.
you can see that my tutee is tired from all the school activities. she's making half-hearted attempt at questions. must approach with caution. if not, she might end up hating maths like i used to back in primary six. eeeks.

or maybe i am just too soft-hearted.

i think i can handle one more tuition? i need the cash anyway.

even though my mum is practically FORCING the money on me, i dont feel comfortable taking it. because i know by giving me the money, she is most definitely scrimping somewhere else. so i rather she keep the money and spend it on herself. mothers need to learn to pamper themselves too!

ab213.
was kind of late for the lecture. ended tuition at 3.10 and rushed all the way down to boonlay. was hungry like mad! so asked sampat king to help me queue for macs. but when i reached, i changed my mind. so sampat king queued for nothing. bu hao yi si, "lao pa"! hahas.

the lecture is like total BLAH-ness. it's like HP102! but they just sort of have a different way of calling it. like referral sampling. i think psycho called it by another name. hmms. *shrugs* hopefully, my tutorial teacher is better than my lecturer? *sarcastic* yeah right.

being stared at.
i wore shorts to school today. old ah peks keep staring at my legs. i have no idea what the hell is wrong with me today, but it REALLY bothered me. so i just glared at these old ah peks. *fumes* i guess it serves me right huh? if i dont want to be eyed, i should have wore jeans. but jeans is like so URGH sometimes.

juan's xmas card(:
i know xmas have been over for eons. but juan and i just exchanged our xmas card(: hahas. i love that woman(: shes the first one who ask me to be angry with her at times-.- hahas.

i still have some of your xmas cards with me! hurhur.

another thing about me.
i guess..i am rather different these days. in secondary school, i used to get mad (at my friends) easily. like REALLY angry. and it takes forever for me to "forgive" them.

but these days? i get mad. but i dont STAY mad. and seriously, i cant remember the last time i was seriously angry with a friend. hmmms.

being too nice? maybe. a possible victim of being taken for granted? possibly.

screw it. i love my friends(: that's you you you you and you. no, not you. but you at the back! hahas. cuckoo~

falling sick:(
my nose was trickling like a stream during tuition lahs. so i gluped down one panadol and it turned from stream to dripping tap. i can live with dripping tap. hahas.

my throat is itchy too. not good. and the nose is still dripping. beh! semi-sick is not good. i rather have fall sick sick.

i remembered the last time i was semi-sick. i was taking some old medicine and it's not working. and i couldnt find time to visit the doctors. my mum was so worried that she cried! eeks. so yes, semi-sick is not good.

back to visit at J8(:
went to visit gabby and ivy (joey went home) at J8's perlini. gabby calls me rudolph! *cries* the pimple is HUGE.

he asked me to put toothpaste on the pimple. hmm. shall try that tomorrow. my forehead is erupting again. *$&%#^@^#$#^#&%#. PMS perhaps? waaaaahhh..my body is really having delayed puberty!!

it was nice back! gabby keep screaming, "eye-candy! eye-candy!" and then force me to look-.- poor ivy! always kana block by gabby. hahas. so yes, we spent 25 mins talking and 5 min looking at eye-candy-.- i'm forced to!!

i dont have eye-candy anymore remember?

alrightys.
whole body is aching like nobody's business! i want to snuggle up to warm things and snooze. no one messages me before 3pm tomorrow! okay? hahas.

one episode of coffee prince next!

sunshine through my window.

2008-01-09T03:08:00.000+08:00

first day back in school.
it's hello again to angmokio, yiochukang, khatib, yishun, sembawang, admiralty, woodlands, marsiling, kranji, yewtee, choa chu kang, bukit gombak, bukit batok, jurongeast, chinese garden, lakeside and boonlay!

ab214 was a big HMMMMM. my class seem really scary. and i think scotchey and i must have exhibited a really unfriendly face because everyone refused to sit at our table. so we are like OOOKKKAAAYY. i miss my ab114 class already!

media in america is BLAH! the professor dont use powerpoint slides or videos. even transparencies would have been good. but NOPES! he just goes on and on and on. it's amazing that i didnt fall asleep. and the workload for this mod is like a CORE. pffft. not worth it. trying to get some other mod so i can drop this. *determined*

knocked my head again while sleeping on the train :(

the look.
so i wore racer-back and jeans to school today with my fringe tied back. this is how i look:
okay, it looks more scary and mature here. but i was telling scotchey that when you see me with my hair tied in the way it did, you will expect to be very soft-spoken, gentle and demure. but when i open my mouth and start speaking, you will get the shock of your life. because i am almost the total opposite! hahas.

i seriously have to START smiling in pictures again! instead of giving the pout-smile. eeewww!

can you see the pimple sitting right in the middle of my nose? theres one on the corner of my left eyebrow too! and many tiny ones on the center of my forehead. i was telling my mum, my face is having late puberty. while everywhere of my body have stopped, the face just begun :(

the gathering outside the toilet.
i was talking to scotchey when mad came out of the toilet and she said, "i thought it was you all! cause the voice sound so familiar!" hahahs. opps. i must have been talking really loudly then :X

so the three of us stood outside the toilet and talk. then we saw sampat king and i called out to him. then the four of us stood outside the toilet and talk. lols. what a weird place to gather. but it's nice.

SAMPAT KING! hurry up and try to change to our comms class!! me and sampat queen have been passing notes during class. lols. -.- o.O

the kid in my dad's shop.
so i came home and stayed in my dad shop. this little kid came in with her sweater hood covering her face! so i went BOO! and she laughed! hahas. afterwards, she keeps putting the hood back on and waiting for me to say BOO!

and when i was heading home, she said byebye. even when i am very very far away, she shouted bye! sweet(: made a grouchy me smiled(:

it's this little things that keeps you smiling all day(:

the primary 6 question i cant solve:(

The distance between Town A and Town B was 180 km. A car started travelling from Town A to Town B at 70 km/h. At the same time, a van travelled from Town B to Town A at 50 km/h. If they passed each other at 9 a.m., at what time did they start their journey?

omg. i still cant do primary 6 maths and i am teaching a primary 6 kid? help?:(

the printer.
eyeore must be the happiest soft-toy in my room since i bought my printer. why? because he gets a place to rest on! see!
eh! but he looks sad in this picture. but really! he looks cute and happy over here.

oh man! i am turning 21 and i still treat my soft toys as if they are real?! too much mr magorium's wonder emporium perhaps? hahas. but sometimes soft-toys are all you have(:

ab213 tomorrow(:
I AM SITTING WITH ONG HUIJUAN!!! OH YEAH!!! BE PREPARED, JUAN! *grins*

this is so exciting. after being in nbs for 1.5years, we are finally attending a lecture together again!! after 6years!!! (((:

books i borrowed(:
after school, i decided to head to bishan library and borrow 6 books(:

Gossip Girl : Nothing can keep us together.
The Cinderella Pact: Novel
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Beauty Queen Blowout
2+1 is enough
Guess who didnt take a nap?

whees~ good bedtime stories(:

okie dokes!
off to bed now. 3.42am le. have to wake up at 11 tomorrow to go for tuition before rushing to school.

scotchey, thanks for helping me hand up my ab214! ai ni o~

cockroach man, hope you are feeling better!

bestie, i miss you!

SPP! meet up for jan? someone bug cyn! it's her turn to organise!!!

treat everyday like a celebration; let me take some of the punches for you tonight(: