i miss being in deyi.

where hugs are aplenty.

and i can cry easily.

somehow its hard now.
@ 7:40 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

everyones been saying i sound sad. i look sad.

i am. i dunno whats the cause. but i am.

i smile. but inside i am sad.

i think my smile is not as nice anymore. in the past, when i smile, it reaches my eyes. now it doesnt. thats why my pictures nowadays feature me with a monkey face.

i hate this feeling.

why arent i listening to my own comforting words?
@ 7:16 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i cut my hair.



its half long half short. cant tie cant let down. going nuts about how to tie it tomorrow.



the one on the left is my hair colour ystd. after re-dying. its the one on the right. like not much difference. hmm..

and i spent the whole afternoon getting all these done. i am still in my school uniform. wasted. i miss my longer hair.

on a brighter side.

forget it. blogger is screwed. be back later.
@ 7:14 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

curl up in a corner and cry.

provided i can force it out. it sucks to have everything well up inside.

if i said something offending. sorry.

but i m not going to take anything down. because that was how i felt then. fresh out of my mind.no filter nothing. so its bound to be hurting for some. sorry.

- WalteR -:
haha yea i tink u quite cheery one haha

i thought so too. pms and my recent dun make a good combination. hee..
@ 11:56 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i got B for maths. was disappointed because i didnt get an A.

was comforted by what miss ng said. she said, " you just need to work a bit harder. you are this close to an A. you are reaching there." thanks.

got AO for econs. i am 1 mark away from an F. so for those of you who feel sad because you didnt get C D or whatever shit, but you pass, cheer up! look at me. and like what mr jonathan ng said, " you can only get better." still not convince? well, if we are to put in the same effort for A's, you will get you A B C. me? my B C D.

tempted to ask mr nandwani, " do you want to take your words back?" because he said i can get an A or B for A's for econs. but was comforted when the whole of snoopy and gang went, " not bad lah! u do 2qns only and get so high." thanks, guys! that made me feel so so much better.=)

mr lawrence gave me a mark for my 3 snetence in question 6. so maybe the person with that zero must have wrote REALLY out of point.

geo is pretty hopeless. but we shall see tomorrow.

i feel pretty much left out everytime we get results.

weilin was rather tactless or insensitive just now. she actually said, " your maths always very steady de." to me. when we both agreed that we hated that phrase alot when snoopy and gang used that phrase on us.

but i understand. shes worried about her marks too. i think.

wonder where i can go with B O ? and F9(for GP). probably nowhere.

i am not rich like some of you lucky people. i need to find the next best alternative, get a cert/diploma and come out and work to support myself and maybe my family. i am alrerady taking longer than i shld by coming to JC. because if i didnt, i will be out working by 2007.

But if they could spend a day or two Walking in someone else's shoes I think they'd stumble and they'd fall They would fall, fall

there are some things i want to say. but this things are highly sensitive. so poor geksan, shes has tahan all. san, i will try my best not to come poly de. thanks woman!=)

maybe i shldnt expect anything. or its just pms.


i am not known for being tactful. i speak my mind.


the higher you think you will be, the harder the fall (sivan lai san cyn, totally different from my usual quote eh?)
@ 4:03 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

@ 9:37 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

didnt sleep the whole night because of one stupid spider that is larger than your normal house-spider. scared to death. keep sitting at the foot of my bed and glaring at the floor to see if theres any more. do spiders travel alone? or in group?! please tell me its alone.

mr lawrence marked econs essay qns 6. well, he said he had to give one person zero. and i wonder if that person is me? cause i seriously didnt touch. unless that one sentence of mine can win me one mark. if not, that zero is mine.

i failed my GP P2.

that pretty much is self-explanatory. expect to see more of such sentence tomorrow. maths no one got A in arts. i am kinda disappointed. my only hope dashed.

pretty pessismistic these days. poor charissa was trying to bring my morale up the whole day. thanks woman=)!

i wonder if i stopped being so responsible and obedient, will they finally care about me? i am practically the invisible kid.
@ 1:18 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

3bks 3 days (though one is a comic scrapbk). feel rather recharged. but nt quite. hmph.

jurassic park 2 tml! yeah!
@ 12:58 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

Your dating personality profile: Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited. Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.

Your date match profile: Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Liberal 2. Sensual 3. Practical 4. Adventurous 5. Intellectual 6. Funny 7. Wealthy/Ambitious 8. Big-Hearted 9. Athletic 10. Religious

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Funny 2. Practical 3. Religious 4. Conservative 5. Wealthy/Ambitious 6. Intellectual 7. Athletic 8. Shy 9. Traditional 10. Romantic

@ 12:03 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

its finally over. hahaha. its my most screwed up exams in my12years of education "career". so, i am not expecting any good results.

stayed over at charissa's on tuesday with snoopy and gang (special guest appearance by sandie)! fun fun fun. a good way to destressed. me and weilin went to orchard and bought her present. difficult ok? both of us were like super indecisive. lucky we found one skirt that we thought she will like. then we went library and i went kin to buy my baby blues comic scrapbook! *bliss* my favorite comic strip. am saving up to buy the 2005 one.

they were all drinking! hahaa. i am the only one whose not. hahaa. that may explain why i was the first to wkae up while they sleep away the morning. hahaha. and poon was sleeping and sleeping and sleeping. shes drunk man! hahaa.

ok. i better go. bedtime! can u believe it?! finally i get to sleep 12 hrs AGAIN!



@ 12:26 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

At this time in your life you feel like 'giving up'. For every time you have tried to build up your hopes and dreams something has come along to burst the balloon. You may feel that, at this particular moment in your life, there seems to be no chance of fulfilling these dreams but you are so wrong. You are the sort of person that can influence any situation, that is - If you don't give up. So consciously make the effort... You have that inherent power to succeed.

You are a leader and possibly at this time in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.

Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation but you are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision.
You refuse to relax or to give in and you are endeavoring to keep exhaustion and depression at bay by keeping active. You are experiencing a relationship or a situation which is not satisfactory but you feel powerless to change it. You have that 'need to be needed' but you do little to achieve the sense of belonging that you need. You try to disguise your feelings of insecurity and so you continue to resist this state of affairs - and as a consequence you are experiencing tension and stress. Your depression makes you irritable and impatient. You have that urge to get away from the situation, either actually or mentally. You are finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate.
Circumstances are such that you have been exposed to considerable stress and tension, perhaps due to unfulfilled emotional needs. You would like nothing better than to escape from it all by retiring to some 'fantasy land' where you are permitted to RELAX and get back your strength.
@ 8:57 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

go on ask me how's my econs paper 3?

how is it? well, other than not touching at all for the last question (thats 25 out of 75 marks gone)..i'll say it went pretty well. hahaa. BUT! i do know how to do that last question ok?! time management! thats my killer in all exams. and when i told my dad guess what he said. " how can like that?!" wah kao! what am i suppose to do!? rasie my hand? make a scene? so that i can ave more time? anyway, after this killer prelims end, i am going to write that last question out and give to mr nandwani to mark so i can judge roughly how much i SHOULD or WOULD score IF i did finish the paper. bye to the C i was aiming for! nvm! i am going to work hard for my paper one and two! jiayou people!!!!!

anyway, my eye candy knows he is my eye candy. whats worse?! he thinks i admire him! EXCUSE ME! i do not admire him! i just think he got a boyish look and you know, like the flowers and plants in the school, it brightens up my day. sorta.

and it takes more than good looks for me to admire a person. and excuse me! one of the qualities for me to admire someone is NOT having a boyish look. no way! he have to look boyish AND mature at the same time. not look like a clown 24/7. grrr...and i DO look at character! i am NOT that shallow! grrr..

and stop telling ur friends that i ADMIRE you. sssseesshhh..cant a girl have an eye candy in peace anymore?!
@ 6:00 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

jessica alba

josh hartnett

jon johnson

(after villa wellness i think he looks quite nice!)

kristen kruek

kristen dunst

hahahaa..thats all i can think of eh..hehehe...okie, i have spent 3 hours on the com le! bedtime then i am going to hit the books.=(

@ 1:40 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

techinicallly. we have fought the first half of the prelim monster(including GP). SO! half more to go! jiayou jiayou jiayou!

i find it funny when after every paper people will say, " Aiya.. I lost this this marks. I didnt do this this question." and guess what? i always felt left out. like i am observing my friends complaining. and in order to feel included, i try to play a small part. you know, "Yah..and this this this never do." and "i that that that dont know correct anot." these kinda things.

but i find it pointless. just now while doing geo paper, i knew i was doomed. die. finish. zero. want to put up my hand and ask mr ng, " can i go? no matter what i will still fail." while trying to keep the train of geo terms going on and on and on, this little weeny teeny voice over-ruled the teeny weeny voice singing "Incomplete" (i tell you, listening to radio before an exam is bad!) and it started asking, " Shouldnt i feel like crying now?" then the answer was, " Nah." the irritating voice came up again and asked, " Go on, try abit." so i did. i try and try and try to muster the tears to come up. result? negative. is it because i am unemotional? or theres something lacking in my system? i mean, look at heli! she said she got 13 marks left undone and she feel like crying and jumping, you know literally speaking. me? i got like 30 marks( more than that i think) undone and i am there feeling nothing. hmmmm...

even for maths, i am like that. i remembered during sec4 when the amaths prelim paper2 was damn hard that i just sat there and stared at the rest of my class and 4/8 and 4/10 (i got quite a view i tell you! i was sitting at the back!) i felt ok! i just sat there for 1.5 hour. looking around. even mr lee(the pe teacher) find it weird i think. he keep walking by and giving me a strange look. hmm..

maybe its cause of what mrs ang seok bee said in sec one after our middies. she said, " theres no use to discuss now. what done cannot be undone. if you know you made that mistake, so what?! you cant change it right?! cry after you get the results." (not her exact words. but the idea is there) and that kinda hanged on to me. because you see, i dont feel after an exam, the probability of seeing me cry after one is close to zero. whereas that of me crying after the results, is so much higher. ha. but its still quite small because i always remember how susanto say, "you'll be alright" to every single person who complain to him about anything. i swear! go on, ask me for his number and you can try! and how crying wont help anything. so yeah. but i still will cry lah. once every blue moon?

or maybe its because i know if i say how badly i have performed, i will put others in an awkward position? that they wont know what to say? maybe i will pour out more to SPP cause you know, they are close enough to kn ow exactly how i am feeling and exactly what to say. or sometimes, not to say anythign at all. i miss them! hahaha. i will see you all after my prelims! and i dont care if it is at 10pm, sivan!! no excuse!(please?) hahaa.

yeah. well. i havent touch econs. you know. as in not AT ALL. hai. nandwani say i can score. but i dun see it. i am afraid to tell him that i have totally given up on this subject. in fact, this is the first time i am writing it down. sigh.

oh well. and i find it pointless when people tell me. i have done this this this this. i mean, hello?! why scare people by telling them how much you have done?! you should do it the other way. say how much you havent done! so everyone will feel better. they will go, " hey, at least theres someone on the same level as me." well, i dont know about you. but thats the way i think. haha. and i hope thats what i am doing lah.

oh and received a stupid msg from kelvin. he wnated to wish us good luck so this is what it said," good luck to all taking prelims.." err...hello?! can he be more alive in his msg?! must be like mine lah. " woman (or man when i send to him)! jiayou neh! dont stress o!" yah. hahahaa. ok. bhb.

oh! just now in the bus, this kid called me jiejie and guess what she called cher siang?! uncle!!! muahahaha...i almost die of laughter!

no fear. tomorrow is my favorite subject! maths! okay, better go mug! jiayou de neh!!! hope i will at least fly in that subject.


@ 6:04 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

been a long time since i blogged.

amisdt(amist?) all the frantic preparation for the upcoming prelims, i have been running and mugging at the same time. guess what? i read 2 storybook within the week. dun blame me! i am a stressful girl.

went back to school to do maths with weilin. the whole school was bloody empty! and then in the end, we only worked for an hour. because she had headache. haha.my travelling time is probably the same as my work time. grrr..so i came home tried to do some maths but i am bloody sick again. so in the end, i keep making up careless mistake. grrr.

been having fever at the same time almost every single day. my body feels like i have just finish running 4.8km at top speed. aching like nobody business. cant wait for prelims to end and the few days of rest before plunging head first to prepare for the final lap. i will be swimming in the book! wanna join me.

anyway, as i was walking the stretch of road home, i passed by deyi and saw the gate half opened. suddenly, major FLASHBACK! i remember walking through those gates on saturday morning feeling fresh (because of the contacts.specs dun make me feel that way) and cant hardly wait to go into councillor room and start our meeting. the meeting was always fun and nice. i miss my HORNY DYNASTY! and i remembered sitting at the steps of the quadrangle(?!) crying with my cousin beside me when she is suppose to be somewhere. remembered i stayed in the toilet and cried and cried and cried. dawn michelle priscilla juan ling san sivan luyi lai cyn sherri sylvia yuting and gang all came and try to persuade me to go out. ha. those were the days! sec4 was the most teary year. remembered going to 3/8 classroom opposite mine to look for sivan san cyn. and premma taking off my skirt while i try to write some quotes on their class board. super malu. oh and cyn +prem managed to unhook my bra in the toilet. hahaa. stupid. those two are wolves. hahaha...TRACY! havent seen her for a very long time! hahaa..

most unproductive day today. i am leaving my results to fate. to God. because i think i have tried my best.

i am runnign out of +ve thoughts. thats scary because i think i am a super +ve girls. help. i am drowning in my -ve thoughts.
@ 12:37 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

cute baby in pink! she smiles alot!! laughs alot too!! the picture caught her frowning. hmph. but she likes the self shot function of my phone. she keeps touching the screen n laughing!! adorable=)
@ 5:07 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.