time adds fluff to memory(:

thanks guys for the movies(:

eddy watched pirates with me even though he had already watched it. then kelvin and eddy watched "Shrek 3" with me. a midnight movie. hees. and kelvin didnt nag at me for watching pirates without him (surprisingly).

so one sacrificed sleeping, the other sacrificed his PH. lols. then both are going to get swallowed up by NS and NDP respectively. so that means i need new movie partners!!

but they werent all nice nice ok?! they made me carry the popcorn and drink while they went to the loo. so i had to stand there and look like an idiot. hahas. and while waiting for the movie, they sat at the osim massage chair and made me stand there and watch them-.-

and this happened while we went and buy popcorn..

me: my treat! what do you want?

kelvin: anything.

me (to the guy at the counter): one combo of the week. coke please.

kelvin: eh..can make it ice lemon tea instead?

me: fine. ice lemon tea then.

guy at counter: and your popcorn?

me: salted.

kelvin: eh..can get sweet ones instead?

eddy: nono, get the mixed one lahs.

me: mixed one then.

and he said he was fine with ANYTHING! -.-

so heres the picture:

surprisingly, the guys are quite ready to take pictures! i just said, "come come, lets take pictures!" and they all got into place. hahas. surprised.

and i saw someone i have always wanted to see today. we were heading towards BK for dinner when i heard a group laughing. and i saw that person. my reaction? SHIT! so i just turned around and told eddy, "eh..lets change a place to eat. i saw someone i dont want to see(liar!)" and the guys happily agreed *phew* but yeah. maybe i should have gone up and said hi instead. but oh wells.

@ 2:54 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

jie en came and visit me today. i saw her walking towards the shop and i was like screaming, "jieeeeeee eeeeeennnnn!!!" and i ran over and hugged her(: i think lau lau (my colleague) was kinda shocked. by STILL! i havent seen jie en since November when she came and visit me at the library where i was busy mugging for my first paper in uni!

anyways. so apparently, her boyfriend told her that i was working there. so she came down especially to find me(: i dont know. out of all the front-liners at IRAS last year, we clicked. i am always snooping away from my "telephone booth" to hers so that we can chit chat (we are not lazing around! we answer 100++ phonecalls everyday while the rest answer only 25!). and i am always offering her "horlicks" sweet. yups yups. good luck for your final year paper, woman!

lau lau is thinking about quitting. everyone is quitting from the company! boo boo. then again, it's a good thing. because theres not much career prospects. i mean, you get from a sales assistant to a senior staff then stagnant! and if you are lucky, you get to be a supervisor. thats about it. well, theres always ARM and RM but thats like never gonna happen. yeah. oh wells.

anyways. it sad how my life is dictated/run/put down in my organisers now.

i used to be able to function without an organiser. i can know exactly when i am meeting who, what i am suppose to do, whose birthday is coming up, whats on tv and so on and so forth. but now? nah ah.

is it because my memory is fading? or is it because that my life has become so dull that i can actually write my "social events" down on paper? that i am gradually losing control of my time? that i am so _________(insert whatever word that comes to your mind. i cant think of any) that i feel the need to pen down every single thing in my life in order for me to feel that, "yes, i have a life. i have friends. i am not alone. i am at least as active as the other person."?

whatever. thought in progress.

@ 2:49 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

this happened yesterday:

vesak day celebration was going on downstairs. and anyone who have lived in a HDB estate before, will know how noisy it can get with the dinner, "auction", "wayang" show and dragon dance.

so i heard a knock on the door yesterday. looking through the peephole, i saw that it was my brother. and when i opened the door, guess what he said? he said, "HUAT AH!!!" -.-

and then my dad came home. and guess what he said when he stepped into the house? "HUAT AH!" *faints*

this happened this morning:

so i am getting vain-er right? right? so i bought this pink nail polish yesterday while "shopping" with bestie and i applied it to my toes and nails. nothing new.nothing surprising.

but when i woke up this morning and reached for my hp groggily(thus seeing my nails), i got a shocked and was instantly awaken. i thought something was wrong with my nails!! only after thinking for awhile that i realised i painted them-.-

i like that lime green nail polish from face shop!!

@ 11:05 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

my sister is slow. i have been ranting that i want to be an SIA girl since last year. and today, she said, "eh?! you want to be an SIA girl?! that means we will get free tickets!!!" *big sweat drop*

met up with besties. we are suppose to meet at 11 but all of us were late. i was the first to reached AMK Hub, then san then lai. hahas. love them. we spent alot! despite meeting up for like 3 hours? i bought vcd, nail polish, keychains, biscuits, lunch and andersen's ice cream(: yums*grins* rum and raisin rocks!

so i am back at home. still sick. in fact sicker. but my mood is slightly better. especially knowing that i might see my besties again very soon(:

here are the pictures. san sneaked off before we could take a picture with the 3 of us in it. -.-

sivan!! when you're back, lets meet up ok? we all miss you!(:

@ 3:19 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

met a brat today. the parents were wonderfully polite and nice. but the kid is horrible. went to the counter and took all our stickers. climbed onto our shelves. took the sleeves of the boxes and used them for "origami". really loved the parents though. the parents just use empty threats on her. *sigh* me and joey were like horrified by the girl's behavior. but we can tell the girl is the princess of the family. hmms.

i'm relieved that i am not the only one having those horrible thoughts. joey came and asked me, "why do all those girls have boyfriends?" who exactly are those girls? not gonna say it as it's potentially offensive and discriminating. but i was like, "AHHH! i was thinking the same way! and i was feeling mean about it!" seeing them with boyfriends make me feel inadequate. and wonder if theres something wrong with me.

and why is it that everyone thinks that i have a lot of suitors? that i am single out of choice? i have to try convincing people all the time. chan. joey. sally. stelly. jennifer. and recently, my devil sisters. i wish it's like what they think it is. but nopes.

oh wells. had some thoughts. but blogger was screwed up as usual. so yeah.

off to bed. meeting the besties for a quick brunch tmr. like scotchey said, "a few hours is better than nothing!"

@ 2:38 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

another week gone. so i am left with 8 more weeks before summer ends.

i cannot believe that i might end up working my holiday away AGAIN. people, stop me from working during december ok?! i am NOT GOING to work during my birthday and christmas for the 4th year in a row. nah-ah.

i used to be perfectly fine with doing sales. but now, i hate it for its reptitive work. and the pay is shit and it takes up the whole of my day. i love my colleagues though. i mean, do anyone ever received sms-es from your fellow workers the minute you came back to work? i did! they saw my name on my schdule and sms-ed me to 'welcome' me back. it feels like a family. maybe thats why i have been searching for a new job half-heartedly.

how? i need more moolahs man!

@ 2:36 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

and when you come back round;after painting the town; you'll see i'm almost over you.

heard it on class95 and cant help but feel sad. JUST BECAUSE. the song is sad.

@ 12:46 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

maybe its me. but i cant help but feel that ADM, NBS and ENG works in different ways. the people there in my group at least.

people from ADM are perfectionist. and they are persistent. like when we said we will use one software to create our animation, they will say ok. but after awhile, they will keep pushing and selling the software that they have in mind. so we will get to square number 3 or 4 and then we will ALWAYS go back to square 1. which kinda frustrates me and i am always the "bad" guy. so hmms.

but i like my grp mates. they are not too bad i guess. i feel so inadequate. cause i really have no idea what to do. but i am trying to help as much as i can. hopefully, they dont think that i am a leech o.O if they need marketing for our animation, i can do it man! but dont think its needed here though. hahas.

bed time.

@ 2:34 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i brought my laptop to work so i can copy all the songs into my lappy(:

someone prank called the J8 outlet and i picked it up. and its a SHE. well, from the voice it sounded like a woman. initially i thought it was a customer. even when she asked if i was new and where i am studying and everything. i mean, its common. some customers are like that.

but when she start asking about my height and my weight. and i hung up. but she called back immediately and asked the same questions. i got freaked out. and i passed the phone over to joey. joey was damn pissed so she hung up the phone. and that person keep calling back. she keep ringing back and joey keep hanging up. and thats not all! that lady actually called the customer service counter in J8 and complained about us! so the people there had to come over and check. joey was damn pissed, so she was like, "it's a prank call. you dont believe? you want to pick it up? the person is going to ask you about your size!" hahas.

so the person keep calling and calling and we keep hanging up on her. then after about 10 minutes, it stopped. now everytime my RM call, she will say, "是我-Sally。你不用怕" if i'm the one answering the phone. and they even asked me to not answer the phone for the day. hahas. of course its scary because the person know where we are! he/she can just come down and spy on us! and we'll have no idea at all. freaky!

yeah. better go now.

@ 6:05 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

they noticed. the guys noticed.

that i was too quiet when we went to watch spidey.

@ 1:58 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i dont know whats wrong with me.

i was having fun and laughing with san, cyn, mabel and jian chong. and the next i am so tired.

while waiting for the bus, i felt like crying. bawling my hearts out.

then when i saw the sky full of stars behind my block, its as if they are smiling and waving at me. i really just want to stand there and look at the stars. but i cant.

i took the lift and really wanted to cry. here i am in my room. still wanting to cry but the tears are gone.

@ 10:20 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

sometimes we should just let our brain do our stuff.

while brushing my teeth, i have no idea why but memories flashed past.

getting thrown into the sea by my council board when they know that i cant swim and i am having THAT THING. my juniors gang-ing up with ONE senior to bully me. getting 'accussed' of 'pampering' my juniors(especially the guys) too much by my council board.

meeting my marketing girls for the first time. working on the first marketing project (swensens!). meetings at taka's KFC. furiously sms-ing scotchey during the weeks leading up to our first exams in NTU. collecting the keys to our hall and how justin broke our shades! cleaning. moving in and kl+justin laughing at the amount of stuff i brought. meeting ming jian and ghim chuan during IT class. ghim chuan's offer to send me home every monday after accounting (which i never accept and he stopped asking after awhile). badminton with jieying, elaine, weijie, degen, sampat king, sampat queen mother and madeline. thinking, "shit man. i feel like i am back in JC! with only 3 guys in class." when i first met my class in semester 1.

calling him my running enthusiast. passing each other in orchard. he saw me but didnt call out (because it's just so weird to call each other's name after all those 'pet' names). called him and we talked for like a minute after that (with sh and hw giving me the eye.lols:). him calling me just because i said, "i feel like hugging my ob eye-candy suddenly"(he said he was worried-.-) knowing that he will run past my house everytime he goes running. him and his nipple abrasion. worrying about him the whole night because he was alone in camp and didnt reply my sms only to know that he fell asleep while waiting for me to bathe-.- me: "every couple i see today is fighting!" him: "yeah lor. they are unlike us. bad weather still a happy couple(:" his message from naples. vetting his essay and resume. me: my friend wants to use me to cheat on his girlfriend. him: ask him to find his own girl. you are mine!

all these in the 10 minutes i take to drink my cup of HL milk and brush my teeth. wahahas. told you!

school. tutoring. rush home. rush out. meet gurlies for dinner (without sivan T_T).

i am starting to think funny things. time for me to sleep then.

@ 1:45 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

with all the huge waves and trees falling down, i doubt i will be allowed to go taman negarah.

there goes my getaway. *waves* bye bye.

@ 10:06 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i watched "Calendar Girls"! pretty nice (okok, i admit i drifted off for awhile somewhere in the middle). but it's still funny.

congratulations, gentlemen. it's a calendar.

@ 2:43 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

scotchey, very long never say this le..wo ai ni ooohh~!

lols. saw it from my past post and decided to say it. lols.

@ 3:16 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

singing in the train. singing everywhere we go. standing in front of the chocolate store looking at the chocolates. things that i love doing. things people might think as boring and stupid. but thats the thing me and cyn did today.

thanks, devil sister. for saying that i shouldnt put on makeup because i am more the natural beauty type. for showing me how concealer work. even though i didnt buy. thanks for listening to me. thanks for having MOS burger with me again! love you, babe!(:

i like the weather today. my parents and brother are asleep. the TV is on. the weather is like that of december. no cars in the road. the occassional bus sounds. i love you(: next week is gonna be another tiring week. but i'm gonna love monday. wednesday will decide my "fate". tuesday, thursday and friday are work days. i'll be at JP on thursday. so visit me as and when ok? lols.

dark chocolates really soothes cramps. i was nursing a pretty cramp just now. but i ate some dark chocolate and guess what?! it's gone(: well, it's not EXACTLY gone. just a little duller. *loves*

cyn is asking me to join her for dance class. kinda tempted. but i am still working out my budget. hmms. think think.

i really like the weather. cool wind and a faint smell of flowers. it's like i am making up for the lost time i spent working last december. this weather reminds me of christmas. it's as if my birthday is appraoching. *sigh*

@ 12:31 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

hahas. i wore heels to school AGAIN. i always have that urge to wear heels on the first day. ALWAYS. whats up with that? and i have a craving for fried egg. sunny side up. *yums*

so i am having a good day today. i guess it's because pms has finally decided to cut me some slack. hopefully i will be able to sort through my thoughts and all. but i really doubt it. oh wells. i just have to remember my mountain theory. and i hope by saying that i am having a good day here wont jinx the remaining 7 hours! yesyes, i AM superstitious. blehs.

daphne khoo looks like ugly betty! -.-

i am heading out again in 10minutes. my poor poor feet. *yawns*

ohoh! i saw a guy with PINK psp on the train today. PINK?!! not trying to be sexist or whatnot. but GUY and PINK and PSP? thats so wrong. i wont want a pink psp. i mean it's a PSP! oh wells.

i got a new mouse! whees~ dont laugh! so what if people dont use mouse for their lappy anymore?! they dont treat their lappy like their desktop do they?! and whats that thing you are using to click around? thats a mouse RIGHT?

oh yeah. i was so used to using the touchpad on my lappy that during the digital animation lab session, i FORGOT that i need to use the mouse. so i was pointing and doing that action you do when you are using touchpad. and i did it for quite some time before i realised that a)the cursor is not moving and b) i am using a desktop. so malu-.- anyways, do you know that the computers in SCE (School of Computer Engineering) dont have MSN? *horrors*

@ 5:17 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

work again.

i told my mum how i felt about working on my way out. she couldnt understand. so as i was walking down the stairs and travelling to work, i felt like bawling. so bad. so yeah. i really dont want to do sales anymore. but what else?

anyways, han ning was super funny today. the first thing she said when i went into the shop was, "i feel that i know you. but like dont have lehs." hahas. we kinda hit it off after that. while joey was putting out the display, both of us are laughing and talking non-stop. i was telling her wouldnt it be nice if we could just work for fun and not for moolahs. like you know you dont need the money, but you just WANT to work. that kinda thing. i think a customer overheard us and she gave a really funny expression. oh wells.

i was thinking. maybe i dont need the money as bad as i thought. but then again, theres the whole earn-so-that-i-can-spend-on-things-i-like and the whole feeling-guilty-spending-parents-money-as-i-am-practically-an-adult thingy. so yeah.

i handled cashier-ing today. so stressful! all the customers were queueing and i was like SLOW. joey cant come in to help me (more like she wont because shes training me) because theres plenty of customers outside. so i am thinking, "please please please dont let me make a mistake." while on the outside i'm smiling and saying, "so 3 items? 2 rings and 1 necklace? do you want to pack them tgth or seperately? that will be $20. payment by nets? thank you" *faints* but i made it! *claps* oh wells.

righto. still trapped in my head.

@ 11:46 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

got this from ber's blog(: quite accurate to some extend. i guess.

@ 1:04 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i just realised something. i missed 2 episodes of spongebob! okok, they are the re-runs since kids central is useless (i want to have cable!!!) T_T

and because i saw it from my senior's blog. i miss TOTALLY SPIES!! kids central dont show it anymore. grr...

ANYWAYS!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, "SON"!!!

now all my juniors are the same age as me. great. *rolls eyes*

@ 8:26 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

guess what i did today? i reached school at 9.10am which was pretty early since kaiju and me always arrived at 9.30am on the dot. so i decided to take a walk. i walked from canteen A all the way to S3. took FT paper from NBS office and walked all the way back. listen to this, peeps! on the way back, i climbed the STAIRS leading to nanyang auditorium. *claps* power right?!

this is the ar-ga-ration of my "route". the black line. so i walked the black line TWICE! hahahs. omg. i am so proud of myself *grins* afternoon lesson was cancelled and we went back to FAL to print our notes. and i walked AGAIN (fyi, from LT4 to FAL is a 1/4 of the route above)! after printing, i walked all the way back to canteen A to take my bus (that's like 3/4 of the route above). hahas.

came home. had lunch(mum's curry is the best!). then rest abit before rushing out for volunteering/tution at HELP! FSC. i walked again! this time the distance not that impressive. just from my house, cut through the blocks and then the market then cross the bridge. tuition was okay today. i made her write down her target. disappointed that she didnt aim higher but oh wells. she keep calling me "mean" today becasue i made her do maths. hahas. but seriously! maths is her weakest subject so DUH! but she fell in love with my kokology book so i let her read that for 15 minutes. i AM nice ok?! *grins*

then after tuition, i decided to take a stroll again. this time, i walked the whole HDB estate. i walked from HELP! FSC--> market --> house --> deyi --> teck ghee primary --> amk mrt station --> ang mo kio police station -->deyi -->home. i didnt take the short cuts. i walked the circumference. *grins* oh yeah. i was walking towards amk mrt so i took the route that we were made to run as warm-up back during the deyi-years. i saw the stretch of road and dread filled me. cause i ALWAYS ALWAYS remember dreading running that stretch. it's like never ending and where people like to say, "dont walk! dont walk! miss thia is watching!" so i had to run no matter what. *shivers* i cant believe i used to do 1.2km (and occassionally 2.4km) as warm-up back in sec sch. man, i must be fit then. hahas.

plan to go running on saturday. hmms. die! all the walking and running are focused on working my leg muscles! what about my stomach?! ok, maybe i am wrong. oh wells. i can ask sivan when she comes back. hahas.

oh wells. reading men's health now. apparently, chipsmore is healthier than chips ahoy! and chipsmore have NO TRANS FAT. hahahas. guess what? my dad only sells chipsmore! *maniac laughter* i remembered wanting to say something about my dad's shop. let me think. hmmm..oh! i guess i-econ/PSC dont really care much about their franchises. i mean, my dad's shop is suffering major losses so instead of helping out, they just kinda left the shop alone. GAH! my dad knows this but being the stubborn cow that he is, he refuses to close the shop. so he is just dumping money into that shop. he even dumped some of my uni fees in because he thought i would not take the uni path (rubbish! i was in JC already lor!). so yeah. oh wells.

now i know where my stubborness comes from! my dad, my gramps and my grams! -.-

sivanny ranny boo (just because she always call me shanny wanny boo:), i miiiisssss you! hope you're having fun in india!!!

okok, better get back to reading my magazine. MH and SEVENTEEN (: work tomorrow. bummer.

@ 7:31 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

somehow this make sense. somehow this doesnt make sense.

i am glad that he is not around these days. if not, he will be taking all my blows. every single one of them. almost every single day. he wont be around now. and not in the future. oh wells.

i am pretty much over the thing between us. whatever that is. i know very well that we cant go back to the way things were back in the beginning. when we tried to be friends, it just kinda crashed.

i found that journal i lost. the one with all the nice memories. i couldnt remember most of them. but when i was reading it, i can vaguely remember the feeling. the shoulders. the hugs. the chats. playing with ur hands and slippers. yups. it's always nice to reminisce, i guess.

but i still feel that i am the only one who enjoyed the shoulders, hugs and everything else.

why is it that i feel like a chore to my friends all the time?

@ 3:24 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

first day back at work today. not too bad i guess. i can still feel my legs. and i am not that tired.

but i realised something. ~~i dont want to do sales anymore.~~ i need a more challenging job o.O not exactly that. but you know, i want to be thinking. not just stand there, smile, serve the customer and then operate the cashier (which is always scary). i want to do something like what i did in IRAS. or something different. but where am i going to find that?

oh wells. i was calculating my pay during my break today. if i want to earn a thousand buck by the end of summer, i can afford to work 3days one week and 2 days the other week and repeat until mid-July. hmms. i dont know.

and i need to feel USEFUL this summer!

@ 11:28 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i cant believe LIME (no, i dont read LIME. but i saw it in my friend's blog) wrote this:

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

apparently woody allen said this.

i guess its true o.O pressure is on folks! maybe i should practice playing bridge. lols. okok. x-rated!

@ 2:03 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i dreamt of some funny things. i dreamt that theres two me. one was kidnapped and i couldnt find her back. and in the dream, theres this song that i sounds familiar but i cant hum it out. i can remember one sentence though. "somebody help me now. somebody brought me down." this sentence kept repeating and repeating in that dream. oh wells.

i came home and i peeped into my brother's room to see if he's home. and guess what i saw? a collage full of photos and pictures! a gift from his friend for his birthday(: and i felt happy for him. because despite all the politics that goes on in his class (and they are only in sec4!), at least they showed that they cared. hahas. omg. i feel so motherly all of a sudden. but then again, i know how much that gift meant to him. so yups(:

i wish i got a collage too. sometimes, i really dont care about the value of the gift. i mean, it can cost you 2 bucks. but if its meaningful, i will love it all the same. like the bottle of stars yongkang and cheeyong gave me back in sec 2, i still have it(: and those 2 teddy bears that the gang got me back in sec2 and in j2(: sentimental fool, i am. blehs.

i have a disclaimer! i have just put my blog on myspace.com on hiatus. so i might either a)put this on hiatus too or b) start writing some things that might sound offensive or totally unlike me. so please bear with me ok? i am going through some funny period. to put it in a fluffy way, i am undergoing metamorphosis! lols.

2nd week of special term. today i am extremely noisy and bitchy (if i do say so myself). hahas. and poor kaiju, despite her cramps, have to listen to me throughout the day. lols. and yups, seriously. CPE803 should be called, "Animation Appreciation" rather than "Experiencing Digital Animation". and i am worried about the project too! can we like form the groups first?!

oh well. i am tired.more later. work tomorrow! night shift! but at least its near my house. so by the time i reach home, it should be around 11(: love love.

@ 7:46 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

it's getting harder to make me laugh or smile.

things that will usually make me smile are not working.

@ 1:37 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i dont know.

do guys get hit by the sandman and fall asleep immediately in front of their com? or do they go like, "oh. it's ok that she just replied me. i am going to sleep. and i dont have to tell her" or "we have nothing to talk about. period. its ok to be rude." ?!!!!

grrr...

@ 12:30 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

happy mums' day, grams+mum+aunts!!(:

for believing in me when i dont believe in myself. and to my grams, for giving me hugs everytime i see you.

@ 3:21 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

just went to my uncle's house-warming party.

their condo is SUPER nice! nice pool. and their gym is in the middle of the condo! so nice! nice view while you jog.

and let's not talk about the view from my cousins' room. its so nice! floor to ceiling windows. and they live on the 31st floor! i was telling my cousins its a good place to be when you're pms-ing. cause you can just stare outta the window. and look into town and the sky. you know, the whole you want to be left alone but not to the point of being super alone. nice place.

hahas. family gathering was nice. hahas. one of my aunt actually said that i had nice legs! *hoots* thanks! but she made a passing comment, "skinny is good. dont get fat ah!" oh no. does that mean i am getting fat? lols.

@ 1:42 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

some random pictures i uploaded(:

@ 8:59 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i had lots of "thoughts" or funny things in my head while i was on taking the train/bus home today. but it seems like, once i step near my block, they just kinda evaporate o.O funny. so let's see how much i can remember.

me and kaiju (i think it means monster in japanese) are total nerds today. not only are we doing an elective on digital animation. but we are actually doing sudoku and hanjie in the little book of japanese puzzles i got last year-.- that woman, even doodled on her work and gave herself 5 stars. and guess what she wrote on mine? "not bad for a pig!" see! and she doodled on the hands! tsktsk. the kind of torture i have to endure everyday. but then again, we might not be in the same class/lecture/seminar ever again. so haha! watch out, kaiju!

MOVING ON! so i was listening to my baobei (aka my ipod-dy) and "Irreplacable" came on(okok, i know i'm slow. i just got that song ok?!). i remembered reading on soemone's blog (no idea which friend it is now) that its a crap song. ok, i do get the crappy part. cause, yeah, whats so special about a guy that can be replaced in just one minute/day?! but then again, from another POV, it kinda make sense? in a relationship, someone confirmed chopped PLUS guarantee (excuse the singlish-ness in this) will take the other for granted BECAUSE he/she thinks that they are oh-so-special that the other half will always be at their beck and call. and the 'victim' will be so pek-chek or hurt that you know, they will say, "wtf. stop thinking you are oh-so-special. i can find another you in a minute!" in an attempt to spite that person. hahas. crap-ness. i really dont know how to explain this without hand actions and facial expressions (my usual drama-ness as usual. hees.).

i heard from my friend that two guys who used to like me (waaaayyy baacck when i was still geeky. i still am now.) are attached. and no idea why. i got this weird motherly feeling suddenly. kinda like, "oh, my sons are finally attached. i'm so gonna kill the girl if she hurts them. *waves knife*" yeah. i guess its something that wont change. this sisterly/motherly feelings i have towards my secondary school friends. i mean, i did watch them "grow up"! from shorts to long pants ok?! hahas. i have PICTURES of them in shorts too! i guess the only guy from sec sch whom i dont have this kinda feeling is probably mr i-am-getting-fat-gaming. it's probably the other way round. more like, "you better dont hurt the nice lady! or i am gonna scream at you!" and if i finally do get attached, he is gonna say, "at long last! FINALLY! who's that lucky/'lucky' guy?" hahas. sheesh. thanks, 'dad'. *hits*

my hair misbehaved today! totally. frizzy and all. i feel like chopping them off. can you imagine me in short hair? kaiju said,"you'll regret it, man." and i guess thats true? cause my round face will be PROMINENT with short hair! hahas. oh, i wish i was on ANTM just so that i can get a free makeover. nvm that i will get kicked off the show after that. pfft. i am obsessed with modelling AGAIN!!!

oh yeah. i got out of my dads car in the middle of the road. this is like the 3rd time i am doing this. but what can i do? the road was packed. and i had to catch that train if not i will be late for school. so haa! but the "adrenaline rush" is GREAT. but its kinda wearing off. since i have been doing it pretty often. hahas.

oh yeah. i keep seeing the ads for CKin2u. i took the same train twice in a day! and then i saw the ads on some random website i went to! so i'm kinda curious. i might just buy it (provided my bank balance is back to normal). hahahas. you know, i never use perfume! just deodarant. because i always always sneeze and then get drowsy PLUS runny nose when i put on perfume or stand near people who is wearing perfume. but i might just give it another go. ohoh. and its funny how i dont sneeze or anything when its cologne. hmms. and is it me or is there only ONE SMELL for cologne?!

righto. i better be off.

@ 8:25 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

this sentence from a song just floated into my," ..等不到我爱的人，我知道我愿意再等。"

no idea why.

@ 1:47 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

msn amplifies a person's loneliness.

@ 12:22 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

so i was happily brushing my teeth. and i saw this night runner. so i thought, these runners are super brave! and scary. then i looked into the mirror! and guess what i saw?

behind me, theres a cockroach near the stove area! so i thought, "ok, if it doesnt fly. i am fine. i wont scream. i will calmly do my stuff and go to sleep." so while i was still brushing and staring at it, it flew! omg. i have no idea where it flew too. please let it stay in the kitchen!

maybe i should wait for my parents to wake up.

@ 3:49 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i guess everyone was worried about me this week. well, maybe not everyone. mainly the guys. kelvin, eddy, jian chong and walter. because i didnt sms my gurlies, and none of them were online. i didnt really tell them what was troubling me. but it was the guys who came to my "rescue". for that, i am thankful(: them and their funny ways of trying to cheer me up. and thanks for noticing that i sound moody even without me saying anything(:

i guess i am feeling slightly better? today was ok. had quite a laugh with scotchey. and i must say, it must be hard for her. me constantly falling asleep during lecture while she tried her hardest to pay attention. hahas. xin ku ni le, kaiju! hahas.

went to watch spidey 3 with eddy and kelvin. hahas. they are still the same. and seriously, their definition of "girl next door" is totally different from mine-.- i was kinda quiet throughout the whole "outing". but i guess they understand o.O so they were talking on and on and on about the food in taiwan-.- one just came back, the other is going. lols. yups. and stupid kelvin, stop suan-ing me can?! he said i was the girl with no door! too ugly so cannot get out! hahas. he got his foot stepped on because of that. it's a good thing i am wearing skirt, or i would have kicked you!!! hahas.

tired. POTC better be great. *cross fingers*

@ 11:36 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

NBS called this morning (like 11am! i was still sleeping! my sister was rocking me so hard until i woke up) and reminded me that i have to write an essay for THM. does that mean my results was ok? seriously, i think they should wait for results to come out then ask those who are "chosen" to write the essay AND then conduct the interview. cause what if your interview was bravo-tas (<--my word) but your results are like borderline? hmms.

should i put BAF or marketing as a 2nd choice? what other choices are there anyways? IT? neh. actural (see! i dont even know how to spell!)? neh. HR? not that psych about it. AHHHHHH!!! *breathes*

ANYHOWS! while i was in the toilet, i thought of sivan! okok. funny place to think about her. but STILL! when is she flying off to india? or shes already there?! omg. i didnt even sms her! bad bad bad. SIVANNN!!!! i miss you already(: hahas. and dont ever let me find you smoking. i will personally go over and kick your ass! and i will NEVER EVER speak to you again. you hear me? tsktsk.

last night i had a minor breakdown. wish i could chalk it all up to pms. but well, maybe pms did escalate(o.O) the emotions abit but i've been feeling this way for quite some time. just that with exams and everything, they are all buried. typical. but after reading my past blog entries and talking to ber, i am feeling slightly brighter. i'll be fine. SMILE, SHAN! SMILE!

and i realised. the desire for me to breakaway and move out of my house is getting stronger. i am increasingly feeling trap in this place. keep my mind focus. work hard. graduate and get a loft of my own(: better still. move out of this country.

ANYWAYS! i am amazed by how full of life i was/am (?! my grammar is superb-ly bad) back in JC. gosh. and its darn funny. all the things i came up with. it makes me wonder how i got from there to here. hmms.

volunteering later. my brother said, "oei! dont be so nice to the little girl lah! shes like bullying you already!" hahas. i guess so. ok, i am going to be firm today. F-I-R-M. hoihoi (<--new expression!), dont laugh! i can be strict and scary when i want to, ok?! ask...erm..ask..ok, you have to trust me on that. none of my juniors will agree to that. hahas.

i miss the rooftop carpark at NAC. i used to go there all the time when i was working. i want to go back! but i dont want to get rammed over by some stupid car. grr..

everything will be ok. when you've reached the bottom, the only way to go is up. it's time i listen to my own advice.

@ 3:37 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

a little disoriented lately.

a little broken. a little tired. a little sick of everything.

a little cut off from my emotions. not towards myself. but towards my relationships/friendships.

trying to get a grip. trying to get back my bearings.

keeping it all within me.

@ 2:11 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the train was delayed today. so i had to take the other direction. feel so stupid! me running after the train and before i could decide on what song to listen on, i was forced to leave the train-.-

i feel under-dressed in a train full of city hall-ers. them and their ties and suits. me and my racer back and skirt and crumpler bag. hahas. keep getting eyed by them. but who cares? i just listen to my songs and tap my feet accordingly.

taking the other direction to school reminds me of going to work back in decemeber. and funnily enough, the songs on my baobei were those that i listened to back in december. coincindence or what?

so listening to those songs, i was thinking about stuff. and i came up with this, "if you got it, flaunt it. who cares if you cant deliever later?" i guess, i should be living by that mantra for now. until the normal me comes back. not that i have anything flaunt.

during the break today, scotchey was listening to me going on and on about stuff. i dont know if what i've said had shocked her or make her worry about me. but it was nice to have someone to listen to me. thanks, scotchey! (: oh wait, wrong. should be KAI JU! monster! hahas.

righto. off to bed(:

@ 5:40 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am tired. i am angry. i am upset. i am everything.

and this time, i have no one to vent it on. no one to be patient with me.

i am on my own now.

@ 2:19 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i said i will do a concluding post about year one. but my attention span these days are like ten minutes? so haa! so lets do it bit by bit.

year 1 part 1

hmm. my IT class. this is the ~~first class~~ only class in my first year where i dont know anyone AT ALL. i went to my first class feeling kinda weird. but thank goodness, my self confidence then was still sky high. so it was okay. i was fine alone and everything.

IT class was fun with marc low as our teacher. him and his many lame (and repititive) stories/jokes. but it was enjoyable(:

and its there where i got the first eye-candy of the year! ah-tong *claps*

ANYWAYS. i met two very nice guys there in IT. namely, ghim chuan and mingjian.

ghim chuan with his offer to drive me home and all. i keep rejecting because i feel so paiseh! hahas. yups. and i love to irritate him with talks about c.ronaldo! *hoots*

and ming jian! my crapping partner! hahas. i can talk to him online and crap until the cows come home. when you see me laughing, you will know that i am talking to him. and he is the first guy i know who supports man u and dont puke when i mention c.ronaldo (or more 'affectionately' known as my laogong)! and his jokes about LHS. he is my elderly. lols. because he is forever calling me xiao mei mei-.- oh wells.

yups. so thats all about my IT class! so diao right?! blehs!

@ 11:40 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i like this metaphor about break-ups:

Think about it this way: When you and your ex got into this relationship, you were two brand-new sports cars driving side by side. You were sleek, desirable, sexy and confident, and the ride was exhilartating . After a while you zigged while he zagged, you werent driving the same speed anymore, one of you was always trying to catch up, and eventually you crashed and totaled the cars. When the insurance paid out, one of you decided to buy a new car instead of fixing the totaled one.

hahas. funny but yet a simple way to describe the stages of a relationship.

its from "It's called a break-up because its broken." (:

@ 2:49 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

it's funny telling people that , "i've just finished my first year in uni." hahas.

i've decided to tell someone about it. if susanto was around, i would have told him but he seems to have disappeared into thin air. so yeah.

thanks, keying (:

@ 2:35 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

some of the food that got me through exams(: chocolates and ice cream especially((: s

@ 7:09 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i know its the wrong way of escaping from life.

but escape and free was what i felt.

@ 7:31 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

anyways, i heard on class 95fm sometime back that guys usually view driving/travelling time as a time to be left alone while girls view driving/travelling time as a time to catch up. i guess its more or less. but it doesnt apply to me. i like to be left alone when i am in a car/taxi/train. left to my own thoughts.

i am feeling kinda disoriented recently. so i'm really quiet. its not that i dont want to talk to you, its just that i am lazy. and i am back in that observing mode again, i guess. and to quote a little kid i met on the train, "the fun is all in my head. i just need some microphones."

guys and their hair! maybe its me. but i was laughing (albeit quietly) while watching someone do his hair today. i'm amused. the hair is just getting pushed around. to the left to the left. then to the right again. repeat. *laughs* i messed it up! then its to the left to the left and to the right again. and repeat. *laughs* tempted to mess it up again. but oh wells. *serious look* its all about pushing it into the right position. very important ok?! *maniac laughter* but its fun to watch. i do have funny request/habits when i am in this observing/quiet mood of mine. so yeah.

i want to be quiet. but i need company.

@ 4:34 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i cannot believe i am doing this. i havent sleep.

but i am heading out.

@ 6:05 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

guys get on my nerve sometime.

came and say, "hi" twice. then when i replied them, they will ask me one question. and after i replied? dunno where in the world they disappear to.

urgh. are all guys like that?

does that mean i was wrong about him?

@ 4:04 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

went out with ber today(:

we were suppose to go shopping. but both of us were so tired that we kinda just walked around? theres nothing nice anyways. and i bought books(: hurhur. so i think i spent around 75 bucks on books? hmms..

my sister called from hongkong again-.- can you believe she ran out of money ALREADY?! shes been there for like 1 day?! gosh. so she borrowed some from me-.- she better watch her spending. i got an earful from my parents when i told them that she called me for moolahs. hoi hoi, shes the one spending and i get the nagging! she better come home with truck loads of clothes for me! should have asked her to buy a bag for me. hmms. if she calls again, maybe i will.

shes gonna pay for my hp bill this month! HAA!

while waiting for me to have my dinner (the mos burger at nac sucks!), me and ber talked. and i told her that even up till now, i still cant figure out what happened between me and banana ass. we came to the conclusion that everything happened too fast and too quick. so yeah. i am still coming up with excuses for his past behavior. hurhur.

whatever.

@ 2:23 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i was just wondering. if someone cheated on their previous partner, would you still date him/her?

i wont. because if he can do it once, he can do it twice. even if he can come up with some totally valid explanation about why he cheated and swear that he will never do it again. i still wont date him. because when he cheats on you, he can come up with the same (or even better) excuse to explain his actions.

yeah. i may be holding his past against him. but i am just cynical now. so, whatever.

would you?

@ 2:53 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

all it takes is just one nightmare.

that feeling of isolation. that feeling of knowing no one believes you. that feeling of behaving like strangers with people that you've trusted. walking past each other without saying hello.

i hate that. i dreamt of that. and i started crying after i woke up. it felt so real.

@ 11:15 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

a minor debate about whats good and bad advice?

on hearing that i havent spoken to banana ass for a mth, kl was like, "good."

and justin was like, "not good." hahas. maybe its cause he didnt really know the situation. or maybe its because he just wants to stand up for guys. but anyhow it makes me ponder.

we promised to watch spidey tgth. i guess it doesnt matter now.

thanks, ming jian for asking me if i am alright. thanks, eddy for offering to accompany to watch on saturday. anyone wants to come along?(:

and despite all the lousy guys i know from online, i amconstantly surrounded by guys who will continue to tease me until i am old and un-teething. hahas. but, then it still doesnt stop me from hating guys now.

and with all these free time on my hand, i can finally put it to an end properly(: i hope.

@ 4:39 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.