hes doing it just to chalk his time. its like he has a punch card. it doesnt matter if our conversation is good or is just 3 exchange. but once he done that, he will not talk to me for 2 days and then repeat.

i cant stand it anymore. i want to cry. not becuase it hurt me. but because i am so frustrated by it. annoyed by it. do i feel like something he has to do? a job that needs to be done? if he is doing that just for our agreement in march, i feel like telling him that he can just stop all this conversation. i will keep to my part of the agreement even without his "punch card" thing.

i am high-maintenance. yes, i am. but i dont need someone to fuyan me to this extend.

why am i still holding on? it was nice recalling those "memories" i have with him to sh. but look at us now. maybe, i am just holding on to the memories. hoping and praying that someday these memories will come back again.

please, give me something to forget him. all of him. sometimes i wish i can be dory.
@ 1:45 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

he decided that its time they come out. so i got too more "short chains" on my teeth. and boy, are they moving!

pain!!! hahahs. to the extent that i am drained from all energy. non left for me to even fight the cold. so i am shivering like mad. gah.
@ 11:25 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i know why i am still single.

and it aint pretty.
@ 12:33 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

Wu v Consideration

Your Honor

I believe that a contract is formed as long as theres a legal intention to bound, an offer and an acceptance.

Who cares if theres consideration or not? Moreover, the rules on consideration are just so confusing? Just when i start to get an inkling of what it is, you come up with "Promissory Estoppel"! that defies everything that i know about consideration. I cant even pronounce it in the first place!

I mean who can? Other than all those brave souls who have decided to undertake Law as their major or whatsoever. Seriously. And i think if Melyvn pronounces it incorrectly in class, we wont even know! GAH!

So, I urge the council to consider my suggestion that consideration be removed as a element of a contract. Anyone seconds my suggestion?

seriously. i am going abit crazy here with all the biz law madness.
@ 8:02 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

@ 11:39 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

many things i need to say. many things i felt. many things i dont know how to put across. but somehow it must be done. and maybe, i will feel better.

on the train home, i keep nodding off. and my head was swaying left, right and center. gosh. see! this is what hall life have turned me into. and i guess, the thought that i am going home, relaxes me automatically that all the tiredness just flooded in.

and sh, thanks for listening to me rant on tuesday. i havent say anything yet. but i will. soon. eventually. just dont say anything yet! hees.

naptime!
@ 4:15 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i finally finished my accounting. it took me 2 days. slow slow slow. cannot! buck up next week! kamabatae!

finally going home tomorrow. was sick yesterday. still am. giddy now and then. emotional rollercoas no not that. i felt things that i should have felt/realised a long time ago. my mum called and i cried. my dad called and i cried. while talking to lai san sivan and ber i cried.

i feel so comforted when i saw juan at FAL today that i ran from one end of the corridor to the other to give her a hug. and i told her a little of how i felt. and i guess, she told dawn. so both of them was talking to me on MSN today. great GREAT comfort. =)

with friends like them, somehow, i think i can survive anything that comes along. but its still up to me to come to a decision.
@ 2:46 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i dont know how you guys know that i am feeling really lousy now. even before my msn nick was up. but i am thankful for your kind words =)

so thanks lai, san, sivan and ber ! and of course my dad who was pretty shocked to hear me cry over the phone and ended up talking to me for half an hour plus. hes probably gonna get nagged by my mum for abandoning her in the counter. opps.
@ 8:27 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

ok, lethargic. adrenaline, please please please start kicking in ALREADY!! if not i am going to be sleeping for accounting and psychology! blehs~

new IT class. no one i know. and it feels that everyone knows everybody else. wahaha. this is bad. positive thoughts positive thoughts.

oh yah!!! sat next to that lucify drummer from superband in the train today. *faints* okok, maybe not faints but well..he IS tall. other than that, theres nothing much to wow about. hes all dress in red and black. expected.

one gross thing. theres an uncle sitting on the other side of me who keeps touching his private. gross. okay, if you touch once, fine! you may be checking your fly. by twice? thrice? GAH! and then he keeps rubbing his bag in a circular direction. ew ew ew ew ew! but funny thing is i didnt notice the uncle was sitting next to me until the lucify guy alighted at woodlands.

marc low's here. start of my long marathon day. ready set go! :S
@ 9:23 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the longer i stay at home, the more reluctant i am to go back to hall life.

this weekend was good. i spent an hour plus talking to my mum while she ironed our clothes. and i chat with my dad in the car. i did homework together with my sister. and well, my brother is just trying to pretend he is invisible. hahas. so yes, i am a little reluctant to leave all these behind. especially after what happened last weekend.

*sigh*
@ 12:21 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

second time in 3 days that the power to my lappy is cut off. GAH!

anyway, its confirmed. i dont know anyone from my IT class. darn. dread the part where they start to form groups. oh wells. cross your fingers for me yah?

"Imagine Me & You" is a really nice movie. i love their accent. even though, it is a "lesbian" show but its very nice. got me thinking about relationships in general. many funny quotes and all. i got fed up with waiting for it to be shown in Singapore (are they even going to show it?!) and watched it on peekvid.com instead. 3.8stars out of 5. hees.

bits and pieces from the show:

lilies means "i dare you to love me" and hydragus (dont know how its spelt) means "lets break up. but think nice of me."

"sure-ers (people who are sure that they are in love) are people who dont love enough".

sometimes, you cant ask the person, "whats wrong?" personally because what if there really is something wrong?

yups. in the movie, the husband left the girl because he couldnt stand the thought that she loved someone else more than she loved him for even a minute. and i realised that, i am that kinda person. if i ever do get married, i cant forgive my husband if he even swayed for a second. of course, family members and celebrities should be okay. hahas. selfish? possessive? maybe. who knows.

sometimes, i talk as if i have been in a relationship before. but i've never. sometimes i talk as if i am attached. but i am not. looking at all the couples around me, i know that fairy tales dont exist. that honeymoon period and the ability to get the honeymoon feeling back after that is very important. but foolishly, i am still holding on. praying that somehow, mine will be different. hahas. *shrugs*

and i am beginning to wonder. the reason why i've never been attached may be due to the way i choose to act, to behave and think. i dont know what the actions are but yeah. i was thinking that the reason why he is still not attached was not BECAUSE no one likes him. its the opposite. one look at his MSN nick, plenty of friends (including ex-es) swarmed all over him showering him with concern. but its the way he act. he can suddenly just choose not to reply you. "maybe he is away or fallen asleep." you may say. but if that really is the case then why is it that his nick was changed twice?! he is just pushing people who cares about him away. either that or he is bloody rude.

i wish someone will just take a big fat magic eraser and erase away my memories of him. i am at this point where i just feel like ripping away the right side of my body. no idea why its the right side. i shouldnt have replied that message in August. shouldnt have given him my MSN. shouldnt have given him my hp number. shouldnt have met him. shouldnt have believe his empty promises. shouldnt have gotten use to his shoulders. shouldnt have like the way he rubs my arms. a whole list of shouldnt have. but oh wells.

i hate it when i am like this. going round and round in circles. analysing and second-guessing things. on the other hand, sometimes, i just cant be bothered whether he dies or he lives. i am happy being single. i am happy oggling and day-dreaming about my eye-candies. haa.

all these craps aside, business law is getting interesting. i think. the contract acceptance and formation thingy is easier to digest than the first 2 chapters. *grins* dad's driving me back to hall to drop 2 weeks worth of stuff. yups yups.

jolin is coming to singapore! omg.
@ 12:39 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

we are both trying to get over someone. me him. and him her. funny isnt it?

i am actually angry with the girl who is treating him like this. even though i feel that he deserves it. but then again, maybe its because i have been through it that i dont wish it on anybody else. if that make sense.

and all i want to do is cheer him up. how stupid can i get?
@ 1:06 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

@ 11:20 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

comms eye-candy might be in my smaller tutorial class. wahahas. i think. gosh. the pictures in edventure is REALLY hard to verify. hahas.
@ 9:42 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

call me crazy. but i am having class from 0830 to 0430 non-stop on monday.

all this because i need a good tutor for FM.if only Prof Lee let me into his class. =(

waking up at 9.15 to stand by. hope he replies by then. wish me luck.
@ 3:31 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

sorry doesnt mean anything unless you do something to amend the things you have done. like when you say sorry for saying something hurtful, you are actually (at the same time) saying that you will try to be more careful with your words. its like a unspoken contract.

you apologised when i told you i am pissed with you. you dont even bother to find out why i am pissed with you. i really dont know what i want to do. how can i like someone who dishes out sorrys and ilus so easily? how can i like someone who is so private? how can i let myself fall for this kind of person?

help. i really and desperately want to cut him out of my life. but we all know how happy he can make me.

give me back my fortress. rebuild it. how can i be so careless and let someone mess up my life?
@ 1:28 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am that kind that can be pushed away by ignorance. i understand that you are on an emotional rollercoaster. but do you have to ignore me?

i dont remember ignoring you when i was on one. fuck you. i hate you. but i cant stop caring about you. i dont know what i will do when you talk to me tonight. or if you will come and talk to me at all.

your mood swings are causing mine. and i have been crying. i hate it. fuck you.
@ 9:11 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

ok, i am really not that kind that will keep things inside of me (as everyone should know). so i am just gonna spill. and i dont mean what i am going to say in an offensive way.

how long have you been staying in hall? its only your first week of staying for a full-fledged 3 days. and you are already telling yourself that," no, i cant make it. i need to go back home. i am going to just 2 days per week." ok, you can say that "thats easy for you to say. you have a room mate but i dont!" but then again, it doesnt boil down to that, does it?

its about the mentality. so are you saying that the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, you are going to do the same thing? frankly, to me, you are quitting. you are not pushing yourself hard enough to move out of your comfort zone. and please, stop victimising yourself.

think about it rationally. do you think i dont want to go home too? do you think its any easier for me to be away from home 3 days per week? its not. i can tell you that.

and whats your initial purpose of staying in hall? to get a life? to be more independent? to be more pro-active? i thought that was our aim. but i'm sorry that i thought wrongly. yes, hall life doesnt seem to be picking up then shouldnt you be more pro-active and look for activities yourself? and how do you plan to get to know your neighbours better when you're not around half of the time? a better solution would be to withdraw. withdraw from the hall.i mean theres no point. you are just wasting your parents' money.

i dont really know how exactly to make you see my point. and i know what your reaction to this post will be. so, dont bother to even react. it will make me even more sick. seriously, i am.

are you really considering a job that requires you to be away from home most of the time? because frankly, i dont think you can. albeit the phsyical comfort will be better then. if you tell me that, "no, i definitely can de! i mean, theres air-con there and everything!" hhaaa! so you are telling me that you are moving out of hall because of the LACK OF physical comfort? well, maybe not. maybe you are really moving out cause you really despise the loneliness and the quiet environment. but seriously, do you think all these will be better in that job that we are both going for? its not. its really not. so do you think you can survive that when you cant survive this (living in hall)?

maybe its because i have a high expectation of myself and i want my friends to be like this too. to die die hold on and push yourself out of the comfort zone. so yeah. oh and, i am posting this here is because you are appearing offline and theres a fucking problem with leaving message offline. so yeah.

note to all: dont bother talking to me if you are appearing offline.
@ 3:55 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

malcom in the middle never fail to make me laugh. out loud. roomie shld know since i have been watching them in hall recently.

i dont know how to say this. but it pisses me off. no, thats too intense a word. maybe getting on my nerves would be more like it. i dont know. but i guess the whole sharing a room thing, requires a certain degree of pro-activeness, selfless-ness(too strong a word) and the will to push yourself out of your comfort zone.

i agree that last week, i DID considered moving out or going home every wednesday but then me and hw agreed that if we really do that, we will be defying/defeating the purpose of staying in hall. i mean, one of our main aim (to join in hall activity) is more or less screwed

i dont give a damn. your self-centeredness is amazing.
@ 3:17 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i feel so stupid worrying about someone who doesnt even care. guys do have pms. but they seriously dont know how to handle it.

yes, you apologise for behaving it like this. but you dont make it any better. and make me worry. i hate that. as a friend.

无奈我和你写不出结局。
@ 2:44 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

back home =) this week in hall wasnt as bad as last.

we spotted a medium-sized spider (but larger than your average home-sized spider) in the middle of our room when we woke up on tuesday morning. freaked out. took our cans of insecticide and spray and spray and spray. it JUST wont DIE! gah. so we used the magiclean broom and shook it outta the room and down the building. EWWWW~! then theres the lizard at night. FLAH!

hahas. and of course, me and scotchey talked. hahas. to the point that we didnt manage to get much work done. BUT! we did get more work done as compared to last week!

and we went for that interview. the night cycling thing that we are considering. the ice-skating. the hall tee that we bought. the wsc interview i am going for on tuesday (really wish i can get in). heees. theres no life in hall. so we are trying to get ourselves one elsewhere. righties?

and roomie, i am so "proud" of you for sending that message last night (albeit after my naggings). heees. sometimes, a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do! hees.

then theres my anthill and molehill. -.-
@ 6:47 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i put my name down as claudia in biz law tutorial today. and everyone (from my previous tutorial group) was giving me a funny look.

lols. no, i havent gone mad. theres two huishan in my class. so to avoid confusion, i rather call myself claudia. so yes. if the teacher calls claudia and i didnt answer, please elbow me and remind me that its me! hahas.
@ 8:52 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am sleep deficient, coke deficient (even though i just had some warm coke *pukes*), ice decficient and chocolate deficient (even though me and roomie had that chocolate lollipop thingy for dessert during lunch).

so yes. i am a pretty dangerous person to mess with at this moment. hahas.

and i have added my dance eye-candy (and henceforth he shall be known by this name) on friendster. but now what? theres no picture in his profile. darn.

oh and a potential eye-candy in AB114!! even scotchey says she "noticed" him. hahas. woolah! but hes not in my smaller AB114 class though. mwaaahhh~
@ 8:04 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

you ignore me when i try to talk seriously. i really dont know what to do.
@ 12:47 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

was wondering if mr nandwani ever wore the shirt that we got him for teachers' day in J2. and what did he do with the Happy Meal toys we bought him? is he STILL playing with it in the staff room?

even though JC life wasnt easy, sometimes, i just miss those days. no idea why. but i definitely wont miss the lousy selection of food in the canteen.

GAH~

@ 6:32 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

its so quiet here. even the radio is not "noisy" enough.

missing home and the zoomings of the cars. *sigh*
@ 6:12 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

a proper conversation just doesnt feel right.
@ 1:17 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

ok, i am not right today. i knew it!

i mean i didnt sleep during tutorial or during lectures! and thats a first! and i slept at 3 yesterday and woke up at 6 this morning! wow. i am so impressed with myself.

i think roomie is about to be lame-ed to death by me. cause i am a little high.thats what lack of sleep do to me.
@ 11:06 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

suppose to be doing biz law. but what the heck.

*waves to keying*

heees. one good thing about 2007? i got in touch with some old friends. renuka included! yippess~

back to ulu land (as clare calls it) tomorrow.
@ 1:12 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

back from san's performance.

my gramps went to my hall! hees. i dont know but it makes me feel better and happier =) hees. and she climbed all 4 floors without stopping! i love her~! but when i was going home, shes sleeping so i didnt say bye and hug her. heees. cant wait till next thurs! blehs~

anyways, i love my eye-candy! lols. good looking sia~ and cyn agree! muahahaha.

and as usual seeing them dance make me wish that i can dance too. or at least i should pick up a skill. hmms. ok, new year resolution! pick up a skill by the end of the year!
@ 7:52 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

my gramps coming to my hall!! lets just hope i wont be late to meet sivan later. =)

still crying on and off. but i will survive. yes, i will. as always.

it pisses me off that my sister keep asking me to be the strongest. i cant. not anymore. this is the strongest i can get. i have been too optimistic for too long. to the point of being ignorant. all i can say is, " huishan! jiayou!"

hees. i finally changed all my classes. and i am quite happy with it. accounting with degen. FM with degen, weijian and some other people =) Business Law with hw, mad, elaine, valeire and jieying! (*surprise*!!) IT with weijian. And comm studies with hw and degen =) happy happy girl! but! weijian and degen better be careful. will be bugging you all non-stop with FM/IT/accounting questions. *evil laughters*

i scratched my face. theres this scar right under my face. so please dont be shock when you see me. lets just hope it wont leave a scar!!
@ 12:48 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the thought of staying at home for now is tempting.

the thought of moving out of hall and all the explanation needed, is tiring. and of course, its like letting myself down. long story.

its funny. at the end of the day, i still need him. the only person who can make me stop brawling. its like everytime i meet him, i stop thinking. i stop. its like all my thoughts are so unimportant. so silly. and those thoughts that cant be stop? he make me feel like everything is gonna be alright. i like that feeling. maybe thats why i cant let him go. hes the first one to make me feel like this.
@ 3:37 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i really cant take it. cant keep telling myself to be optimistic. to let these things pass. that i will be okay. because i am not.

my brother started an argument with me. ok, thats normal. i thought. but suddenly, he stood up and slapped me just now. right in front of my dad. and do you know what my dad did? he went back to read his newspaper. and for the record, i told myself, "maybe he didnt see it".so i shouted, "ah pa! he slapped me." and do you know what he did? nothing.

i was hurt. so darn hurt. because if any of my friends are around, they will either shout at him or come and see if i am okay. but no. nobody did anything. i was so so hurt. i even waited. waited for my dad to have a reaction but he didnt. the stone dropped. i realised he is NOT going to do anything. the hurt was just beyond words. i was angry, i was hurt and i realised i was alone.

and to make matter worse, when i tried to lash back at my brother. he came over and hit me. and pushed me into the wall. he just keep pushing and pushing. and ONLY my sister tried to stop my brother. wheres my father? nothing. still in the kitchen sitting around. until my mum came out from the room did my dad try and stop my brother. i was crying by then. so i kept crying and crying. and do you know what my mum did? she turned to me and shouted, " stop it! why do you always have to start a fight?"

i cant even start to describe how i feel. i just cried. and kept on crying. i knelt down on the floor and cried. my brother was still screaming at me. shouting vulgarities. nobody tried to stop him. tried to make him shut up. my sister was comforting me. but my mum was still screaming at me. i couldnt take it anymore. i stood up and wanted to get out of the house. but my dad stopped me. he blocked the fucking door.

and they were still screaming at me. i was so desperate for them to shut up that all i wanted to do is to end my life. i mean it. i wanted to die. i mean it. i dont mean cutting myself just to feel that i'm alive. because i know that i'm alive, but all i want to feel is to be not alive. i dont want to. i'm so tired of everything. of school. of family. of financial problems. of being misunderstood. of being alone. of feeling unwanted. of feeling inadequate. of feeling alone. of feeling tired. of feeling weak. of feeling being not good enough. of feeling lousy. of feeling.

i never blame my family for being poor. never. i pay for my own textbooks, my own contact lens, my specs, my notes, my clothes, my bags, my haircut, my soft toys, my transport fees and etc. i understand that. i understand that its not their fault. i am grateful for the $40 she gives me per week. i am grateful that shes still doing stuff for me despite feeling sick. i am just happy that shes healthy and alive. but shes still saying i'm SPENDING her money. and when i ask for some for txtbks, she says, "dont you have your pay?" but my pay is gone. daily allowance-$200 transport fees-$100 new bras-$300 birthday celebrations+gifts-$100 2 mths of hp bill-$120 contact lens- $150 after all these, i am left with $30. and she still thinks its enough. i see all my friends buying branded goods albeit during sales, i dont feel jealous. because i understand our situation. and i dont hate them for asking me to pay for my own expenses and stuff. i dont.

but when she said, "why are you spending so much money? we are poor as it is." i was stunned. i didnt spend it on luxury goods. and i paid for all of them with my own money. i bought a project shop bag because my old one was spoilt. and it was with my own money. i want to get a crumpler bag because its practical and its durable. and i plan to get it with my own money. the reason why i am still hesitating is because i think that amount could be put to better use. she expects me to be ike my sister. expects me to give her money now. bcos thats why my sister did when she was 19. but the thing is, when she was 19, shes already working full time. i am still studying. so wheres the money going to come from?

theres so many other stuff that was exchanged. all i can say is..i'm sorry. i'm sorrry i got into university. i'm sorry for listening to you all. i'm sorry for studying so hard. i'm sorry for getting good grades. i'm sorry for calling home to tell you my whereabouts. i'm sorry. because i thought by doing all these i am lightening your burden. so you guys wont have to worry about me like how you are worrying about my brother and sister. worrying about their results. worrying about their future. worrying about their whereabouts when they didnt come home. maybe. just maybe. you guys were never worried about me in the first place. because you guys just dont give a damn.

hall life is not for me. its not. i cant stand the isolation. yes, i have roomie and gang. but i still feel isolated. nobody to talk to. yes, i have msn. but i crave that noise. that chattering. i crave for human contact. i see people with their boyfriends. i see roomie with her boy. i see kl with her boy. and it serves to worsen the situation. i dont know how to put it. how to put this feeling. how to let you guys know the depth of this loneliness i am feeling.

yes, i wanted a hall life for independence. but what i am doing in hall is what i am doing at home. just minus the commuting hours. roomie, i'm sorry to say this but i really dont see a point in staying in hall anymore. but yes, i will try. i will stay for this month and see how things go. i'm sorry for breaking the promise. hall life just weakens my mind. my mentality. and i cant take it. but yeah. wasted all the money my mum spent on buying the pillows and bolsters. and the money i spent on buying the bag for me to carry my stuff home.

so many thoughts going through my head right now. i am so tired. so so tired. wont someone stop time for me? wont someone make all these stop? make me stop caring some much? wont someone tell me that they will be there for me and mean it?
@ 2:08 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i have no idea why this bugs me so much. i mean, i was fine in the past. but now, it just bugs me. ALOT.

whats it? its about people posting nude pictures on their myspace.com and friendster account. nude being that all 3 important areas are covered.

it just gets on my nerves. i cant even use words to describe it. ok, so you got great boobs and yada yada. if you want to show it off, SHOW IT OFF. but not half-covered. not that i am interested in looking. thank you very much.

wah kaos. yao zuo jiu gan gan zuo.

ok, GAH!!!!!
@ 8:02 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i just realised the mountain of work i have to do today.

theres one simple way to ensure that i get my work done. pack my bags and move to library. but i refuse to do so. cause i have not been home for so long! and i want to enjoy. hahas. so yeeah.

wish me luck.
@ 1:28 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i ended up sleeping through the whole movie.

darn. so my sister was using my lappy watching the show.

i still prefer the anime! lalalaa~
@ 3:23 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

while waiting for my sis to come back from the loo to watch deathnote, i want to say something.

i dont know about you guys. but when i see tan and atheletic built guys, i always have this "urge" to "touch" them. because they give me the feeling that they are very warm. so while on the bus today, i sat between 2 very tanned, very muscular and very good looking guys and then theres one more standing in front of me. i was freezing! so GAH! the urge was strong. hahahs. but yes, i resisted! lols.

dunno. tanned and athletic guys give me a sense of warmth and comfort and security bas. hmm.
@ 1:18 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the colour of the sky. the sound of cars swishing over puddles on the road. the temperature.

they only serve to remind me of how things used to be.
@ 6:53 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

You Are 60% Open

You are a fairly open person, but you also like to maintain your privacy.You definitely will tell all (okay, almost all) to your closest friends...But strangers and acquaintances only get a peek into your life.

You Are a Chimera

You are very outgoing and well connected to many people.Incredibly devoted to your family and friends, you find purpose in nurturing others.You are rarely alone, and you do best in the company of others.You are incredibly expressive, and people are sometimes overwhelmed by your strong emotions.

Never Date a Cancer

Clingy, emotional, and very private - it's hard to escape a Cancer's clutches.And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they're anything but open in return.
Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius

hes a cancer by the way.

@ 12:14 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

omg omg omg. i actually forgot that san's performace is on sunday. thanks sivan! damn. that means i have to mug on saturday and finish my FM, psycho and Business Law tutorial. wake up extra early on sunday morning so my dad can fetch me back to drop off my books. rush back to ang mo kio and take train down to wherever(where is it btw?).

*sigh* i vow to finish most of my homework in hall next week and only bring one tutorial (hence one textbook) home every week. because its simply horrible today. i had to carry my clothes, my lappy AND two textbook(not to mention the tons of notes) all the way from boonlay to ang mo kio. *determined*

to summarise hall life so far. lousy toilet. lousy food. many tiny insects. scary neighbours. BUT good company. me and hw planned to do our tutorial yesterday but we ended up yakking and only seriously got down to work around 12 plus. hahas. and not to mention the lame yellow jokes i was bombarded with last night.the couples ganged up on me! lols. blehs~ but i still love them =)

i remembered that when semester 1 started, i was grumbling of the lack of guys in my class.its like JC all over again. but now, all i want is to have at least one class with at least one of the guys in it! hahas. but so far, only degen is in my class (3 of them!!!). hahas. and i managed to con weijian! hahas. but theres no vacancies. please please let there be vacancies! hahas. and weijie just transferred into classes that i transferred out. lols-.- and like scotchey said, guys are easier to get along. no politics and all. =)

my eye-candy (from OB) looks like elvin ng (*ahem* my future husbando.O) from the side! whahaha. just noticed his msn pic. FINALLY he puts his own pic as a display pic=) whahahaa. and as i was telling scotchey, i must at least try and talk to him once on MSN. if not very meaningless! hahas. talk being a relative word. wishing "happy new year" IS considered as talking. lalalala..i dont care what you think! but to me it is =) hees.

hahas. i am starting to put -ing for everything i am doing. it started with death note-ing. then accounting-ing. then it was packing-ing. hahas. and then i start seeing people in my MSN list doing the same thing. pisses me off. come on, be original! but then again. oh wells. *mumbles and grumbles*

i think i need speech therapy. either that or i need to speak louder. hahahs. STUPID BRACES! i cant speak loud because if i do, saliva will go flying. not nice. but if i speak softly, everyone will go "huh?" . hahas. and i think i've been a little slow on formulating my sentences. oh no! darn.

roomie was telling me that guys in uni usually go for girls who are more serious. like wearing 'blazers' instead of windbreaker, wear makeup and yada yada. i was HORRIFIED. haa! i know we are getting into the twenties range but that does not mean we have to dress BORINGLY. and seriously, girls who comply to these "rules" just to get hitch is totally BLAH! i mean, if your character is not like that, then why bother? what happened to feminism?! hahas. its the whole short hair vs long hair thing. PLAT!

hahas. i am just coming up with this random sounds like BLAH, PLAT and GAH to describe things i dont feel like explaining. whahaha. yeah-ness! so watch this space for more funny sounds! *grins*

one thing i like about talking to kevin. we are direct. ok, not about our "relationship" but about other stuff. i showed him a photo of a friend and the word he used to describe that person was exactly the word i thought about. haas. so yes.i am glad someone feels the same way as me. thanks, meanie!

FLATT! okokk, i am bitching. hahas. best be off.

disclaimer: i am not talking about anyone in particular about the dressing and stuff, ok? but yes, i hate the MSN thing. and it IS a little personal attack but not just on one person. a few.
@ 11:04 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

anyways, i'm HOME!!! ahhahahs. its so nice to be home. to be able to hear the cars zooming by, the 'screeching' of the bus and the tapping of the ez-link card. ahhh~

my gramps 'ran' out of the shop to hug me! she teared up abit. heees. i miss her toos. and she keep asking if i got eat. hahas. yeah!! i love my gramps.

lots of thoughts just now. but i cant think of one now. the image of me trying to shake a sticker off my hands keep flashing up. and needless to say, the sticker is the "relationship" between me and kevin. and i just laughed. hahahs. funny brain i have. but i like =)
@ 4:37 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i think my mum threw away some of my stuff. thats why she keep denying that she tidied my room. i know shes denying cause my sister told me she tidied my room while i was away.

now i lost the disc for Stats. i cant pass to Juan. shit.
@ 4:09 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

a lousy phonecall.

thank goodness for roomie and bestie. if not i would have cried again.
@ 1:02 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

From Friends:

Ross: ..the vet says that marcelle(his pet monkey) has reached sexual maturity.
Joey(to Chandler): Hey! he beat you to it!
@ 4:09 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

first day in hall and i got a hug from a little boy in the hall office. he's just so cute~ i gave him a "pan-kiss" and he came and hug my legs. *melts*
@ 2:26 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

@ 8:02 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

when i am trying to delay something, i sleep.

thats what i did today. dreading packing and moving tmr.
@ 6:50 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am so tired. i forgot what i wanted to write(is that how you spell it?). its something about hall. OH YAH! hall 6 is the weird hall. theywe dont have lights in the middle of our room. the lights are at the side, above our bed. which i hate. and i am never going to switch on that light. i think. i dont want insects dropping at me while i snooze. i am going to bring my orange light from ikea. a feeling of home, and some brightness =)

my mum was telling me to "..快点去住！住习惯了，就不要回来！" and my reply was, "..不会的！我一定住不习惯的！我要快快回家!" hahas. yeah. i am going to miss home. i was telling my mum if my sister or brother has the chance to live in hall, they will pounce on it. i am the only one who is very homebound. and she agrees. *sigh* i will miss my bed. my family. my bright room. my sister(i dont see her often enough as it is!) the routine that is so familiar to me in semester one. now i have to start a new one. when to study? when to leave as much time as possible for my family members during the weekend. yeahs.

maybe i AM thinking too much. but then again, my home is really far away from hall. and theres no chance that i can meet my parents/mother/sister for lunch when i miss them. so yeah. and theres no one to be mean to when i am tired. no one to hong me. no one to irritate me when i am being irritating. *sigh* and theres so much thing at home that i am worried about. my gramps especially. is this a really wise decision?

i realised how old my gramps actually is today. she likes to put the whitening cream on her face. and today, she actually didnt apply it properly. theres this lump that stuck on her face and i had to rub it away for her=) and then my mum told me that my gramps worried about my dads business. then my dad told me that my gramps is starting to feel lazy to walk from her house to the shop, starting to get 厌倦with life. thats what happened before my grandpa started hiding himself at home. i dont want the same thing to happen with my gramps. i feel that i should spend more time with her. i dont want to be "helpless" and regret that i didnt do more. i dont want to feel like this anymore. not after what happened to my grandpa.

and while shopping with my mum today, we found this shirt that wont suit my dad or brother. but we kept looking at it. then we realise that, the person who will most definitely like that top would be grandpa. it scares me that it actually took me so long to churn up the image of his face then. i dont want to forget him. and it seem so fast. its almost a year. febrary 28. i havent miss him for a very long time.
@ 12:49 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

went cleaning with hw today. the room is STILL dirty. but at least our table, bed and cupboard is clean. none of us dare to clean the lights though. too many spider webs. hope that her boy will go tmr and help us clean. *evil laughter* and i realise that the table is actually a very good place to take photos! me and hw took some but due to the ugliness, i dont think i will post it. (arent you glad, roomie?)

(updated @ 1.55 am)

was on the phone just now. with mabel (for a short while) and bestie(for an hour plus. oh no! my bill is so gonna shoot). and was trying to chat on MSN at the same time. hees. so if you were chatting with me on MSN and i sound a little distracted, gomeinasai!

so yeah. on the way home, there this guy who approached me and chatted with me all the way from boon lay mrt to amk mrt station. i dont even know this guy! when he got on 179, he just kept looking over and then away. so i was a little pissed,so i glared him down. but then on the train, he just kinda approached me and started yakking away. so hes from NTU too and he is in his 3rd year. quite a nice guy ba. he even offered to switch place with me when a drunk came on the train. but we didnt exchange anything. hahas. ohoh! his girlfriend got the same name as in. darn. my name is getting common-er by the second.

but yeah. this guy is lucky that i am in a fairly good mood today. if not i would have just walked away sia. but yeah. hahahs. funny encounter.

i am tired. off to church then bra shopping then meeting ber for ice cream tmr. loooong day. best be off to bed.

you want to play? the question is, can you afford to? because i dont think you can.
@ 12:17 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

its cramps. and i just ate a whole bowl of ice cream down. damn.

wish me luck,
@ 3:18 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

its not pre-cramps! i think i ate something that disagrees with me.

went to the loo once. feeling a little dehydrated. and feeling pukish.

over the hedge was not good. 2.5 stars over 5.

pop the pills and go to sleep.
@ 2:20 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i think i am having pre-cramps. its not here. but the pain decides to come first. weirdy~! but oh wells. i shall live with it!

pms. dont think its here yet. (in a hopeful tone)maybe it has decided to leave me alone for one cycle? *dry laughs* as if! but oh wells.

cravings for milk chocolate (not white chocolate!). a first. cause i always crave for dark chocolates and not milk ones. hmms. and not just ANY kind of milk chocolate. its the one i got for christmas from both the RMs. going supermarket hunting tmr. i am determined to source them out.

was looking in the mirror. and i feel like exfoliating my skin. just feel so disappointed with myself. what happened to the good complexion? i should have taken better care of it. darn.

ok, mental block.

its time for you to shut up. dont act as if you know everything.
@ 11:38 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i have checked in! and we spent like an hour (maybe less) there in the end just yakking away. and someone spoilt our shades. but luckily, it was fixed back =) still went *ahem* after it was fixed back, expecting us to clap-__- lols. lots of cleaning to be done. but oh wells. not going to think about it until i have had enough sleep.

my dad offered to drive me there when i move in! yeah-ness! i am so "touched". but the condition is i have to move in on a sunday. hmmsss. shall discuss with scotchey tmr.

roomie, DONT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE! cant believe i am really going to live in hall! hahahs. i've been repeating and repeating and repeating this phrase ever since we checked in. lols.

so me and hw went to JP after everything. DO NOT HIRE HER AS YOUR COLOR COORDINATOR. NO! hahas. she saw this red top with a white belt and asked me to buy. cause its practical for cny, national day and if i buy a green belt, even christmas! then theres this strip shirt at double index and she said the black and white one nice cause can be used when i go to jail -___- hahahas. gosh.

and we spent 5bucks playing time crisis! hahas. next time we play house of the dead ok?! lols.

and we went to TS and they were playing the movie "The Host". initially, we went, "ewwww.." but after the "ewww.." we keep watching and watching and watching. hahas. oh, we walked all around JP to look for vcds for me to buy. but in the end, i went back to J8 and bought "Over the Hedge". blehs. hahas.

i need to go town. i need new bras. hahas.
@ 11:31 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

going out with my council board makes me lose my voice. cause i have to speak LOUDLY since everyone is hald "deaf" ;p lols. bad. real bad.

and all of them have a habit of opening and closing my phone. just for the heck of it. so i have labelled my phone ," keep away from children". hahas. pius is the best. he pia my hp. and juan made me have the flip tone so she can open and close and open and close to hear that tone. lols.

help!
@ 12:58 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

finally.

been trying to look for a skin that centers around the word "metamorphosis". but all that ever comes out are hilary duff inspired skins. and being the lindsay lohan supporter that i am, of course, i didnt put that. hahas. so yups. this is one is slightly better. the words are TINY though. hahahs.

oh wells. meeting the council board later. attendance is sucky so wth. at least i am meeting juan and ling and gaya. that should be enough.
@ 2:43 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am having second thoughts about staying in hall.


the thought of spending time away from my family members.


and the thought that scotchey will be meeting her boy every wednesday night. leaving me alone in the room. and maybe, she might not meet him because of me.


so many thoughts. heres a secret that about sums up how i feel:



but at the same time, i dont want one. i dont know what i want.

and i told him, " i dont want to be one of the many dears." he went, "ok" and went offline. i just started crying.
@ 3:46 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

in the words of korean drama:

我快要抓狂了。我快要疯掉了。
@ 3:22 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

ok, so my 2007 didnt actually start on the right foot.

i fell asleep right after the clock struck twelve. then when i woke up, i yelled at my sister when she came back. and then i became pissed with my whole council board because of one thing or another.

but i have to thank weijie, scotchey and kevin for making it slightly better =) chatted with them for a bit. well, chatted with kevin till like 5 in the morning. *faints* a thing which i am NEVER going to attempt again. not with him. not with anyone else. maybe face to face or on the phone? lols. but yes.

anyways! as far as i am concern, my new year starts when school starts! so HAA! lols.

oh yeah, someone gave me a new year resolution. be firm. i snorted when i read it. darling, if i am firm, then you wouldnt be talking to me now. sheesh. but anyways, a real new year resolution for me would be to DRINK MORE WATER! yeahs!!

no idea whats the point of this entry. hmmms~! still feeling random.
@ 11:53 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am still your senior. i am still your committee member.

i never pull ranks before. but now i am. you wanted this gathering. i organised it after many pestering. i sacrificed watching "Night at the Mueseum" with my gurlies bcos i thought we are going to watch it. so i am as disappointed as you are now that the movie is cancelled and we are just going for dinner.

so yes. i dont care if you guys come or not. i am going to be happy just meeting up with my batch of people.
@ 3:00 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.