i just woke up. slept at 5.34am yesterday:( working on the presentation took really long and it's still not over yet. i still have the animation to do:(

i am supposed to go shopping with the sister unit. she told me last night that we have to wake up at 10am today. but when i woke up at 11.23am, she's still sleeping-.- tian ah.

and microsoft office 2007 has turned me into a lazy preparer. i no longer go to fireworks and come up with attention-grabbing headings. instead i just rely on their lousy wordart. hahas. plus! i dont design my own template anymore. i keep using the same old default template. lazy woman!

the urge to binge.
broke my pact (with myself) and ate a double chocolate donut 2 nights ag0. but it was out of desperation. i couldnt find any other food in the house and I have yet to eat dinner:(

and while helping the parents in the shop, I sneaked a small chocolate (those small small Cadbury ones) and ate it.

I curb the urge to binge. But I took small bites of things that I shouldn’t be eating. I think i am those kind that eat when she's stress. and when the stress-o-meter overshoot a certain limit, i stop eating. this is bad.

Helping the parents.

Didn’t want to go home after tuition. I should be in school but *shrugs*

So I helped the parents tidied up the display for snacks and stock up new goodies(: Pictures!!

Pictures from the shop:

the tagging of price tags(:

the chocolate i asked my dad to order.

(it's not selling by the way:X)

the ugly colon box.

but when you open it up, it looks so pretty(:

helping out in the shop can be therapeutic? it's just mindless tagging of price tag and rearranging the displays so that it flows and theres more space for the new goods.

yups. i better go get ready. more tonight?

说谎伤害 都是不安犯的错。
@ 11:37 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

you are tired. i am tired too.

therefore, for the sake of the meeting, please CONTRIBUTE. so we can end the meeting earlier and REST.

ANGRY. the attitude of some people is really atrocious.

i mean if it's a social gathering and chat, fine. you can fume and everything. i dont give a shit.

but this is a PROJECT MEETING, you cannot afford to act like a spoilt brat who pouts when they are tired.

urgh.
@ 9:08 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

so here i am at pacific cafe. time check: 8.32pm. been here since 4?

the rest are off having fun shooting the short videos for our presentation while i am stuck here guarding their stuff and editing our powerpoint presentation.

i think when you give me the task of doing a powerpoint presentation, i kind of fall into my own world. nothing else matters. it's me, the information and the presentation. maybe thats why i am not having as much fun today?

the presentation? *sigh* they want a solid presentation but the information for me to dissect and split into slides are in bits and pieces. kind of put off? because i dont mind doing the whole presentation but i need all the information so i can see the flow! oh wells.

back to my own little world.
@ 8:31 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

watching spop.
watching spop for the second week in a row. this week is lee wei song and lee si song. i must say they are really talented. *nods* in a way that i cant describe. it just sort of hit me on the head when i was listening to their songs(:

i prefer lee wei song to lee si song. hahas. but i have to say 听说爱趁回来过 is really nice and he wrote it. hmmms. *shrugs*

like this phrase from one of their song, " 怕明天已不是做梦的年龄"

romantic princess.
cyn said that she find 卓文宣 very sweet in the show. my first reaction, "she's in the show?"

then after watching the show (halfway through), i feel like slapping her character-.-

i remember cyn telling me that her guy friends mentioned that 卓文宣 has a thing about her that make a guy want to protect her. really?!?!?!

the show is not that bad anyway(:

the mess.
today, i moved my books to my bed and studied. no table? nono. my table is big enough for two people to study. no chair? have. i have a swivel chair and an armchair. then?

ano..my table is too messy for me to study there-.- i feel repulse when i want to study there:X so i moved my BF323 to my bed and sat on the floor to study. now my room looks like a war zone.



the hello kitty keyboard.
my sister came home and shouted, " ah shaaaaaannnn..." as i was standing in the war zone trying to formulate a plan of attack, i was like, " WHAT?!"

she opened my room door and wiped out a hello kitty keyboard and insist that i take it. i asked her why she replied, " i dont have a desktop." but i dont have a desktop too! and she said she was referring to a table. and i am like, " look at my table! it's like a hurricane just swiped through!"

but in the end, she still insisted that i take the keyboard-.- so here is the pink keyboard attached to my lappy (dont laugh!) :

it's super hard to use eh. or maybe because i am used to my lappy keypad. i keep typing the wrong alphabet! THIS IS FRUSTRATING.

anyway, i am going to get a mouse with a super long wire! so i can sit FAAAARRRR AWAY from the screen and use my laptop. my mum keep doing spot checks these days. hahas.

attire tomorrow.
i am going to look super gee-na tomorrow. i have decided to borrow my sister's blue "jumper" and then decide to use my backpack (on sivan's advice). theres more! i am going to wear a hair-band! and flipflops! tian ah.

i told juan not to laugh when she sees me in the morning tomorrow. she say she will giggle-.-

scotchey! dont laugh when you see me in AB214 okay?!?!?!

BEDTIME! WISH ME LUCK FOR MY BF323 QUIZ!!!!

oh yeah! i have finalised my fyp group(: whee~ let's hope we wont pull each other hair out during the course of the project(: and a warning, i CAN be dramatic at times(:

blah blah blah. i am blah-ing, arent i?(:

@ 1:10 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i have an idea what to get for everyone for valentine's day!

everyone being people whom i can meet in school on tuesday and wednesday (i dont have school on vday:)!

shall not say what it is yet. just in case, i fall sick. lols.
@ 2:31 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

sunday is over in a *blink blink*

managed to complete the last 2 chapters of my BF323. so tomorrow will be spent REVISING. cant believe i am actually going to take a quiz after attending just one seminar-.- suicidal? maybe. *shrugs* collecting good luck(:

while watching "The Unbeatable", a stupid thought struck me. some wedding dress have very long trains at the back, right? so i am guessing, the train must be very heavy as the bride and groom runs out of the church and everyone throws rice at them. why? because the rice collects in the train! -.-

i have yet to settle stuff about the upcoming internship and i am now submerged in questions about fyp. apparently registration starts 4th Feb!!! this is bad because scotchey and i have yet to find a 3rd fyp mate! HELP!! and without a 3rd mate, we cant really start thinking about our topic! *faints* YOU! if you dont have a fyp mate, JOIN US!

and when futures and forwards (ie BF323 mugging) gets too boring, it's time i swipe out my hp camera!


i love my samsung phone(: even though i cant customize alot of things but the self-shot function provide some entertainment when i am bored *grins grins*

righto(: no smart thoughts. no emo thoughts today. just me and my BF323.

eh? NBL is still on? it's been on forever!!

been a good day(: perhaps my life mood is on an upswing now? a bull market?

i AM still a little anti-social though :X and i am looking for a good bicker o.O

just because i dont seem it. doesnt mean that i am slow.
@ 1:08 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

my mouse is spoilt AGAIN.

thats like the second mouse in 1.5 years? *faints*

now i am trying to use the really tiny mouse that my sister have (which i have to return when she comes back).

I NEED TO GET A NEW MOUSE!
@ 9:05 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the hair cut.
i almost got lost in far east. almost. but i followed my instinct and luckily, it was correct! *phew* seriously, that place needs more directory. or maybe re-organising-.-

went in and plonked down. realised that after herbal dyeing, i cant do chemical dyeing until the herbal hair grows away-.-

i wanted to cut short SHORT. but my hairdresser gave me an exasperated face (because everytime i'm there, i say the same thing) and stopped me. so i had to make do with short fringe. yesyes, i cut my precious fringe!

cut, touch-up (on hair color), treatment and shampoo cost me $248. cheaper than expected. but some of you are probably fainting.

the look:
this is without flash and using "warm" mode on my camera (which instantly gives tan to everyone). as terence and my mum have observed, i look seriously 脸青青 these days-.-

new look? not exactly the re-vamp i wanted but this will have to do, i guess.

the song.
i have been hearing this song way too much on the radio-.-

i dont like it but it's starting to grow on me. but i will never like like it. and it will never get stuck in my head like other songs (eg bubbly, everything)



the unexpected comforting?
here's a big thank you to yangjie, yiu huang, sivan, jianchong and ber for friday(: some are really unexpected but at least it stopped me from feeling insecured and alone.

even if it's just for awhile.

i was...
i was selfish today. and i cant post the reason here. trying so hard not to beat myself about it.

today is my off day. no work done at all. and i plan to keep it that way.

i am feeling worried. my dad seem to be feeling unwell these two days. and being stubborn as always, refuses to see the doctor. these days, you can see him conking out in front of the tv. so if you happen to be in the living room, you will see both my dad and i sleeping on the sofa with the news blabbering on.

the mother unit told the father unit this, "她迟早有一天会晕倒。" they are talking about me cause my days are so jam-packed with lessons/projects these days that i dont have time to eat:( now i keep having stomach cramps (that has nothing to do with menses) that starts when i dont eat and starts when i eat. not to mention that i havent been sleeping enough. *shrugs*

some pictures(:

@ 12:44 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

shopping with the mother unit(:

the ladies of the house (mum, sis and i) rushed out of the house at noon to have lunch at amk hub. went to the wow!noodle stall and realised that it's gone! in its place is a different stall with a similar concept BUT the food sucks:(

then my sister left for work. my mum and i went to look for bras and some random stuff. couldnt find any i like. so we went to J8. still dont have! reluctantly, i bought 2 bikini-like ones. they are the cheapest bra i have ever got! 30 bucks each? and they are triumph!

i must agree with ber. triumph is turning into an auntie brand. too lacy for my taste. and i hate lace ever since i was a little girl. i will always ask my mum to remove the lace from my dresses. hmm.

i bought shoes too! kappa's(: my mum got a new blender/juicer. and we got some random stuff.

the result of the brother unit.

i called my brother from the shop to ask about his results. before i can even say, "hello", he screamed down the hp and very rudely said, "havent get lah!". i was freaking angry. how can someone be that rude? urgh.

i told my mum and she said maybe he thought it was her who was calling. erm..so? if it was my mum calling, the more he should be respectful right? angry.

anyways, he got 18 points. not too bad for a person who rarely studies.

what i told my mum.

my mum asked me to go home and rest when we reached my dads shop and i told her, "i dont want."

i realised that i really dread heading home these days. i rather rot in my dads shop. because when i am home, i will have to mug. i will be faced with all my textbook, tutorials, messy table and everything else.

and i will be ALONE. facing the stress monster alone. locked away in my room which used to make me feel so relaxed and happy. now i am just avoiding it. it's like a prison to me :(

the unfolding of the truth.

my mum is slowly catching on to my lousy mood. bestie is worried and she dont know how to help.

i am sinking back into the very thing i promised not to do this year. yearning, craving. most importantly, wanting to use it to escape. but since we are no longer talking, it's not going to happen. hoping against hope that i wont look for a new one. i wont i wont i wont.

while walking home, i realised that sometimes it's so tiring to be me. to be who i am. to be stuck with my personality and not be able to stop. because if i can stop being me without feeling the pinch, then maybe i will be okay. so tiring that sometimes i wish i can stop.

such a terrible time to fall into my dark mood:( and i was still hoping that 2008 will be even better than 2007-.-

alright, let's try to think of something happy.

erm..eh...ah...i fell asleep in front of the tv again?

shucks. this is bad.

whatever will be, will be.

cutting my hair tomorrow. bestie asked what style? i have no idea. i told her that if my mood is really lousy, i will just chop them off. otherwise, i will keep it. see what the hairdresser suggest? yups. somehow, i still feel that i am cutting my hair way too early. i should cut it like next week? hahas. *shrugs*

i have lost a friend? not lost dead. but just lost, in general. you know? of course you dont.

i am STRONG! i can get through this dark and haunting turmoil. i dont need a boyfriend to save me, to make me laugh. i can get through this. hopefully.

but that doesnt stop me from wishing that i have.

@ 12:06 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

theres something about sudoku. it stops the thoughts from flowing(:
@ 8:50 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the brother unit will be getting his O'levels results tomorrow. hoping he will do well enough to get into the course he wants.

i want to go back to going to my O's too. re-choose my path. follow my original path. then maybe i wont be that caught up in the rat race. *shrugs*

i am in the wrong specialisation! kind of. whatever. one more year and i will get that un-laminated piece of paper. and of course, taking pictures with my family in my square hat. major attraction. haa.

brought this crocodile toy to lecture today. forced sampat king and juan to play with me. hahas. i think my second finger is gone. everytime kana "chomped" by the crocodile -.-

went home after AB213 lect and plonked in the shop. my mum asked me whats wrong and i told her i am in a lousy mood. almost cried. but i didnt. my mask is falling off. *opps*

didnt do ANY work today. except reading BF221 notes before heading for AB213 lect today. came home and watched tv. after which, i bathed and played stupid games. spacing out in front of my computer. i know i am going to have to pay for this little free time now, tomorrow. but i need this "break".

i am growing wary of you. can you tell?

someone bring me some insecticide. because the can of worms is open.
@ 3:27 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

"have you ever considered if the person is worth it before you go all out for them?"

devil sisters asked me that on saturday.

i dont. it's stupid, i know. because of this i have been used as stepping board countless of time. when a person is sad, they will come to me. when they are okay, they leave me alone. what happens when i am done? no one is around. hurt? maybe.

sometimes, when i am down and in need of someone to just pull me up but too god-damn proud to ask for help, i do wonder if it's worth it?

paying so much attention to my friends. aware of their schedule, their likes and dislikes, the little changes in their mood, "worrying" when they are sick or about to fall sick. sometimes i wish i can stop. stop remembering what my friends like, stop remembering their schedule from just one glance. remembering details about past events. stop stop stop.

juan said this is something about me that i should be proud of. am i?

i cant believe after a year, i am back where i started. a similar banana ass (watermelon ass?). a used stepping board.

but at least, now i know the person is not a good friend.

there are many things i want to say but i cant say it here.

the exasperation on the devil sisters' face on saturday when i replied. i guess they are tired of watching me being used.

i'm tired. tired of smiling and pretending that i am NOT tired in front of my parents. but i dont want them to worry.

i miss deyi. miss ling, juan, lai and everybody else. because i am not feeling okay now. i need them to be around me to make me cry. just one word from them and i can break down safely. knowing that they will be around until i finish.

they know how to make me cry out my frustration. know how to make me stop. know how to watch my moods like the weather. i miss them:(

oei! bring back that cheery me from the first week of school!

talking about camps that we have been to was fun yesterday(: i cant believe juan dont remember anything about the last council camp we went to! us, seniors, were scolded by mdm aishah because the night walk was too late. and how we all cramped into the council room and sleep the next day while the kids went off to deal with the open house. and i discovered that i have NEVER eaten any raw egg before because adelyne volunteered to help me eat every single one of them back in sec 1 when raw egg was a famous sabo item(:
@ 2:22 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

tuition was cancelled last minute because tutee was not feeling. she just had her BCG injection. i was already at the bus stop! in the end, i walked all the way back home.

so here i am. at home again. a little jiffed cause a morning was wasted (i could have studied or sleep in!).

waiting for 2.45 to roll by before i head to school for AB213 lecture. which i have to go because i need my notes back and juan has my eraser as hostage-.-
@ 1:18 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

last sarcastic thought before i doze off.

SIA girl? haha.

impossible. my inability to swim and the fear of water aside. the number of cuts i received on my hands these days is enough to disqualify me 3 times from the selection.

when i am too tired to dream, i need someone to do it for me.
@ 3:36 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i told joanne, "i hope to end meeting by 7pm." fat hope. we ended the meeting at 9.30pm.

bounced train (ie took to marina bay and back) and did my AB214 self-evaluation on the train. tabao-ed macs from J8 before heading home. my hands/arms were shaking pretty badly (from exhaustion and carrying my heavy bag and lappy the whole day, i think). so when i got on the bus, i called my dad for SOS.

he came down and fetched me from the bus stop(: helped me carry BOTH my bag and lappy. *touched* it's been a long time since my dad came down to fetch me from the bus stop. this kind of things are sweet once in a while, no?

had my macs in my parents' room and watched coffee prince with my mum. no one complained(: didnt finish my meal. ate the nuggets and gave the fries and coke (juan is gonna be so proud.lols) to my dad. hahas.

my eyes were so itchy just now. i was too lazy to do anything else other than rubbing it. when i went to brush my teeth just now, i realised my eyes look puffy. like cotton balls were stuffed under my eyelids. eeks.

during comms class, terence (new friend from ab214) were trying to classify if i am "eat potato" or "eat rice". in other words, am i more english-oriented or mandarin-oriented. he thought i listen to chinese songs and all since i always speak in mandarin. but when scotchey and i told him, "WRONG! she "eat potato" de. she listens to english songs and watch a lot of english drama!" he was kind of confused? intrigued? because how can i watch ang-moh stuff when i speak in mandarin all the time? hahas. 中西合并mah..

i have no idea what i just typed. so random. better off in bed.

my all-time favorite anime (after inuyasha) - Fruit Basket. and the song that's currently stuck in my head. totally unrelated. but it's the only way i can play the song!



Well she's hotter than hell; And she's cool as they come
And she's smart and she's wild; All rolled into one
It's not easy to see; That she's an angel to you, But she's a devil to me.
@ 3:09 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

being a fluffy-brain (ie scatter brain), i have decided to use the post-it software again.

so that i KNOW what i have to do. and so that i wont get STRESS out (hopefully).

feels like i am back in hall-.-

everyone, let's welcome back my messy desktop and slow startup!! *cheers*


@ 2:22 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

quick post before i return to BF323. i have 3 chapters to read and i am only 1.5 chapters through:( it's taking way longer than expected. i have to read every word loudly and slowly to digest them. i think i will have to go to class tmr, one chpt behind and hopefully still be able to understand. no notes as of now. lecturer slow? *shrugs*

no romantic princess today! miserable. hahas.

黄金路's last episode today! not too bad. finally, a different ending. have no interest in the new show cause of dawn yeoh. yuks.

did this quiz last night. quite accurate -



Your time of day has a split personality -- sometimes it's sweat-streaked and loud, and you're on the dance floor, getting your third wind, and shouting lyrics like you'll never run out of energy. You are the time of night that carves itself into your memory forever, because you'll never forget how much you love these people and this moment and this song. It's not always about unforgettable parties, though. Sometimes your late night (err… early morning) burst of energy happens when you're home alone. Those are the times when you say, "I flat out refuse to go to sleep until I finish reading this book, or typing this page, or reorganizing my entire closet." In either case, you are the time of night when it feels sort of forbidden to be awake, but you love accomplishing something special long after everyone else went to bed. And hey -- you can always catch up on sleep tomorrow, right?

and while watching SPOP with the whole family (because it is sun yan zi), there was this quiz -

cat: the personality that i think i have
deer: the personality other people think i am (i am gentle?!!!)
dog: the personality that i actually have

accurate? *shrugs*

morning class tomorrow. cannot imagine the queue for 179A. may take 179 or 199. i just have to walk. *determined* shall try to wake up earlier tmr.

which means i should return to my work. *scurries back*
@ 1:11 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am STRESSED. i surrender.

i have been hiding and pushing that thought away for the past week. i mean, if you dont admit it, then it's not true aye?

but i AM going to admit it now. because by admitting it, you can take steps to reduce it, no?

and besides, i cant hide it anymore. my palms are starting to sweat, i am found reading on my bed (maybe thats because of the cramps and exhaustion), i am constantly scrying for food in the kitchen, tense shoulders and the sick smell that i cannot get rid of:(

i am STRESS. help:(

and i realised i cant go for H2H dinner tmr because of project meeting:(

oh, cny come quickly. because by the 5th, my troubles will be over.
@ 6:25 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

romantic princess.

two episodes in and i kind of like it.

吴尊's acting is slightly better than the last time. still as good looking as before(:

i realised why taiwan dramas are bad for me. it's because they have a lot of 肩膀. a lot of scenes where the shoulders are there when needed. yesyes.

i like this song(:



当世界 不知不觉的变了
有时候 我怀念以前的我
作的梦 虽然远远的
想像是 一种快乐..

@ 1:48 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

hello! from a very tired me *weak wave*

i am kind of giving up on the categorizing of my post. maybe i should just type everything out and THEN think of a suitable sub-title for them. because, let's face it, sub-titling my post makes it easier for the reader and of course, myself. so yups yups.

as of now...
i am having a major case of mood swings as of this moment. i have "bite" every single person that came within my vicinity (maybe except for my mum). it IS pms and i suspect it's been amplified because of the lack of chocolates in my life:(

my face is still breaking out. 3 pimples with another one impending. this is total crap-ness. but i have to live with it. and as it's pms season, i am suffering from a total lack of self-confidence. maybe not all the time. but it has a fluctuation that can match the stock markets these days.

saturday.
went shopping with cyn and mabel on saturday. it was fruitless. we combed through all of vivocity and found nothing. theres this dress in Forever 21, it's pretty! i like it in black but then it defeats the purpose of buying it for cny. the girls asked me to buy it in orange but then if i did, i will only wear it for cny and it will be a waste of money. so in the end we bought nothing. heres the picture of the dress (and some random ones):

there's some random pictures with the girls too. send me!!! hahas.

is my hair really that long now? everyone has been saying, "shan, your hair is so long now. pretty!" hmms. my ends are like grass! dry and frizzy :( i need to freshen up my look. pronto.

dinner was good. had sushi tei(: hmm. the menu there looks different from the one at raffles city! hmmms. oh wells. i had my first proper meal for the week(: cynthia was amazed that even after my ramen, i could still gobble down my tamago pachi and iceballs. but i did(:

when the shops closed down, we went up the open garden and talked. it was nice looking at the stars. i was kind of in my world then. me and the stars(: it's been such a long time since i saw so many stars! i almost mistook the orion's belt (or the sisters stars) for something else. and i saw my star (the golden star)! hahas.

my love life.
quotable quote of the day. from cyn to me, " shan, i have no idea why your love life sucks." after which we burst out laughing. yesyes, my love life sucks. hahas. oh wells. *shrugs* life carries on, right?

reached home around 12 plus. nuar-ed. my bones and joints were aching again. and i went to sleep after awhile.


random-ness.
my sis went for jay's concert! super rich woman lah! hahas. oh well. i dont like jay chou THAT much anyway. hahas.

the bag i am eye-ing for in bananahouse is available!! whees~

sunday.
sunday was spent sleeping. i am having cramps, mood swings and flu. a deadly cocktail. i finished up reading my comms and my BF221. still have BF323 which i have to die-die read finish by tomorrow if not i will be lost in class on tuesday. hopefully, i can catch up on AB213 as well by wednesday.

i am still having cramps and ach-ey joints. mood swings is quarantined since i have locked myself in my room, switched off my handphone and signed out of msn. i AM feeling a little anti-social. and i predict that i will be as anti-social today (monday).

i need hugs:( i need someone to make me laugh:(

please give me something; cause someday i might know my heart.
@ 12:02 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

this was my week.
from monday, it was BF221 all the way. tuesday, wednesday, thursday and friday. all BF221. and it's not going to stop. we have another presentation on week 4. and we just had our first discussion (online). *faints* i just want ONE day without BF221. i'm beginning to sound like how i was during marketing days. hahas.

but presentations gives me a blast.

4 hours or less of sleep every night. carrying laptop (battery and charger included), textbooks, umbrella, water bottle, sweater and etc. heavy eh! no wonder i chose to not bring pencil case this week:X hahas.

my body is crying out for some care and rest. blue black on right shoulder cause my bag was way too heavy:( *rubs blue black*

how i survived this week? coke coke coke and more coke. i am always reliant on it when i am tired. i crave for it! hahas. i think i spent $10 buying coke this week. scary? you betcha. but i am a coke-a-holic. opps.

oh yeah. theres this day (i think it's thursday) that i woke up CHEERING. my brain was filled with cheers. the ke-mah-mah cheer, the ET cheer, the do-a-dee-dee-dum-dee-dee-do cheer, the boom-chicka-boom cheer, the fever cheer, the we-will-rock-you cheer and the bombing game! omg. but it was nice(: i miss camps and most importantly, the people in it:(

a new year resolution that needs help.
okay, i dont actually announce my resolutions. but for this particular one, i have to. i want to stop slouching! i think it's my crumpler. i tend to slouch when i walk. so ugly!

so people, if you see me slouching, kick me or something. thanks(:

finalised time table. FOR REAL.
yet to put it into nice nice format. too tired ah. so have to make do with the ugly STARS one.

not too bad. exams are all 9 days apart. i end one week before internship starts. scotchey! i end on the same day as you! but you end in the morning right?

sometimes what you need (friends)...
sometimes, you dont need more friends. you just need one good one. and it will feel like you have a huge group of friends. really.

conversely, sometimes, you dont need a small close group of friends. you want a huge group of friends. because all your close friends are so caught up in their life, you feel abandoned and like you are the one forcing everyone else to meet up.

sometimes, it feels like your friends are forgetting about you. because they are all busy dating. it's as if their receptors are damaged. they are just not who they used to be. it doesnt matter that the time they spend with you have decreased but it's more like the care they show has plunged. if getting attached means i will be ignorant to the feelings of my friends, i rather not get hitched then.

and if you know you are not going to make the effort to maintain a friendship (or any relationship, for that matter), then why bother starting and cultivating it to that point? just leave it as that. dont turn an acquaintance into a friend. you hear me?

the month is coming to an end. i still DONT see a SPP gathering. and work is not an excuse for not doing her part. because aint studying like working too? besides, i did planned alot of gatherings when i was working. no excuse. i have decided, we will NOT have any gathering until she organizes one. this applies to the rest of the clan except san cause that woman really have too little time to herself.

grumblings.
sick for a week. other than ber and my mum, no one else really bothered to come and ask, "you ok?". feels kind of weird. *shrugs* my body is screaming out for attention. it's obviously not getting any from me or anyone else. oh wells.

important thing is..I SURVIVED THE WEEK. albeit i am still a little bit sick.

i dont want to wake up groaning and whinning from pain again. these past few nights are enough.

was telling joey what happened and she said maybe i was too tense. hmm. shes moving to GWC outlet:( no one to talk to anymore. i will really miss joey! was thinking about it on my way home and felt really sad. especially since i am not going to go back to perlini again.

saw a stray golden retriever today. it must be a stray or it's lost because i dont see any owner and frankly, the place where it is at is a place where it's impossible for anyone to walk their dog there. i was on the bus and i saw it. my mouth dropped. literally! it was so cute! and it sat down on the slope and watched the mrt passed by. it's tongue was hanging out too! it feels like it's smiling and enjoying life. but how can anyone abandon such a cute dogs or any dogs?!!!

i messaged bestie about it and she was equally mad. she asked if i called SPCA. but the thing is..what if it doesnt get adopted?! will they put it to sleep? ahh.. no! please dont!

sorry, i am very protective of animals. i cant, for the life of me, imagine why anyone will JUST ABANDON their pets. they are almost like your friends! so why in the world do you want to abandon it?

the question.
i asked my mum if we will be going to "The Garden of Remembrance" during CNY since it is pretty close to my grandpa's anniversary. and she said, "no." and i just felt kind of sad.

i want to go:( maybe i'll just head over after school someday since it's just 1.2km away. but i need someone to accompany me cause it's rather deserted. *sigh* i'll find a way somehow. as CNY approaches, i miss my grandpa the most.

lastly...
time for bed!!!!!!!!!!!! omg. i am so excited! 9 hours of sleep~

enough of sad stuff today! happy stuff tomorrow, aye?

stare at myself in the mirror. take me apart piece by piece.

@ 2:29 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

grouchy shans on the prowl *meow*
i think i was having mood swings towards the end of the meeting and everyone saw it. opps. but i am tired and sick):

and i am super rude when we were tying up the loose ends tonight.

anyway, microsoft 2007 can be a pain in the ass! especially if most of your friends AND your school is still using the older version of microsoft. *grouchy*

the day!
tomorrow is presentation day. that's it! and i have yet to practice for it!

it's just narrator. so it shouldnt be that hard. i can de! and it's a group effort! go go BF221 group!(:

right.
bedtime. more tomorrow, perhaps.

@ 12:45 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the stomach pain.
is killing me. it's the worst at night. i guess it's because my energy are slowly running low and i cant block/ignore the pain anymore. it's just sort of "amplifies" itself.

i should not have arrange my lessons back-to-back:(

just let me get my HP803. *prays hard*

how i slept last night.
i was so exhausted last night that i just conked out when i finally allowed myself to rest. my slides were not near done but i had to rest. my whole body is aching like nobody's business. when the cool sheets touched my skin, it feels so good that i just conked out.

but! i woke up at 5am, groaning and whining subconciously. my whole body was aching so bad that it woke me up from my sleep. but my mind was so tired that it refused to wake up. resulting the whines and groans. i was semi-aware but couldnt shut myself up. thank goodness i have my own room now.

when i finally fall back asleep, it was 5.30am.

then this morning, i think i woke up at 10.30am. but this time round, my mind was awake. but my body refuses to wake up. so there i was lying in bed with my eyes close and my body curled up and my mind awake, thinking about stuff that i cant remember now.

i told my mum what happened and she declared that i am officially overworked and suffering from exhaustion.

oh no! it's only the 2nd week! *horrors*

things will get better after CNY. Bf221 will be settled. just AB213 and AB214. *breathes*

but in a twisted kind of way, despite the exhaustion, i like working on projects. give me projects anytime. i will take it over written examination.

in other news...
bestie cut her hair! so now both of my besties have short hair! my turn next? *wriggles eyebrow* but! i just realised how LONG my hair is now!cant bear to cut! which reminds me! i need to book for my hair appointment next week!

juan was complaining that shes fat. and then bestie said she is too. and i said, "i think i am normal. and i think both of you are normal as well!" because frankly, as long as you are my friend, i dont really care about your appearance. i will think of you in terms of your character! just like how i dont care if you are drop-dead gorgeous, if you have the personality of the wicked witch from the west, you are U-G-L-Y. like a garden troll.

the three of us had some pretty serious discussion about *drums roll* the stock market! omg. *faints* but i realised, the three of us have different understanding about it. hahas. but of course, our main topic of the night was plenty of bullying and gah-brish(((:

in alternative news..
NP sent their course book to my brother. and i was looking through it. DAMN! they have a lot of new courses these days! if these courses were around during MY days, i would have definitely gone to poly! because, the main reason why i went to JC was because they dont have psych in poly. *grumbles*

but seriously, i really think i should have followed my original plan and gone to poly after my O's. if i had gone, i would be doing Mass Communication or Accountancy

righto.
i better go. i keep forgetting that i am waking up at 6.30am tomorrow to go to school for rehersal. and it is supposedly my off day! *sulks* it's okay, it's okay.

thinking about what to make for vday already! (: i'm thinking should i give presents to guys this time (fyi, sec sch guy friends are not considered guys. they are jiemeis.hees) ? because it might get mistaken? send wrong message? oh wells. let's see what i am making first!

theres a stranger in my life.
@ 1:19 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

it's only half-body! so weird. but oh wells(:

introductory presentation, everyone(: i'm in shorts though :X


@ 9:03 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

disclaimer: blogger (aka me) is very tired. not thinking. so if the previous post offended anyone, i am so sorry! especially the part about presentation. sorry sorry sorry. i am just such a perfectionist. my bad.

just in case. shan is dead.
@ 3:42 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the presentation.
it went well? not too bad, i guess(: room for improvement of course!

my body language was a little defensive. i had my hands clutched in front of me all the time. and i need a stronger ending.

the video will be out tomorrow. i'll post it here? i need to do a self-assessment and hand it up by next week, i think hmmms. *shrugs*

the adrenaline rush that presenting gives me is a mixture of fear and excitement(:

the BF221 project.
let me repeat. the tutor is mad!!! 1 week for a project that can take at least 2 weeks? my 3-day week just turned into a 5-day week this week.

and i am in-charge of compiling again. i mean, instead of having someone else do it and i get angry and exasperated (which i always do. because i am very picky about my slides), i might as well do it, right? get them to do the tables for me and background, animation and pictures? me me!

tsktsk. too perfectionist? maybe.

i wonder if theres a job where you do nothing but PERFECT other people's presentation. *thinks*

meeting up with juan and lai(:
the three of us meet up. juan went with me to collect my pay! i didnt know our main office was shifted until i reach suntec. !@*@$&#%^#@%(@#$@#$)@#$) got the new address of the office and we took a cab down. i dont want to go down to town again. it's freaking expensive! $7.80 just for a short ride! ANGRY! with perlini!

juan and i got lost on the way back to city hall. we took a bus and alighted at the wrong stop. but it's okay! we found our way back. met lai and we had kenny rogers(: the both of them are very nice! they help me slice up the chicken and ensure that there's no "blood" on my chicken(: i love their baked beans!!!

after that we walked around marina square. juan ate too much! lols.

too tired to elaborate. shall continue tomorrow.

i had fun. and i love this girls! let's meet up more often!!!!!

friends for sale.
logged in to facebook and saw that i had 16 notificatios. thats ALOT! then i saw this:

wah lao eh! am i caught in some family "fight"? -.- but luckily, mabel bought me! thanks, babe!

how i am feeling now?
like my bones are going to shatter any minute. i better head to bed.

video is up! upload tmr night ba *yawns*

i just want to go back to the silly billy person that i was.

@ 2:54 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i have to admit. i like the name "chantal" more than "claudia" now!

but as SPP said, "BUT!!! you have always been claudia!!!"

right.
@ 1:45 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the day.
this might be the only subtitle of the day. cause it sort of cover the whole day.

woke up after a lousy night of sleep @ 10.30am. dragged my lazy ass out of the house for facial at 12noon. if cyn and mabel thinks that the facial (that i introduced) is painful, the probably have yet to try this one. one phrase, "not for the faint hearted". now my face is full of red spots. *cries* but hopefully, my face will get better. *prays*

after which, i got sick. i was still feeling a-okay when i left the house. but after facial, MAJOR FLU. i tried to bear with it. but in the end, i gluped down 2 panadols at jurong east. BEH! and i got coke so i can at least feel more energised.

once i got onto 179, it started raining !!! HEAVILY! and i met zongfu. who keep tempting me to go home. *kicks* lols. when i got down at comms sch, i was semi-drenched. which probably add on to my flu-.-

project meeting was long. the tutor is mad. gave us 1 week to do something thats so HUGE. and it's 10% of our grade!! discussed till 10 + and all of us cabbed home. my cab fare was surprisingly cheap. $16.60! i think it's the cheapest eh! i remembered it used to cost me 20bucks! oh wells.

the parents werent home. so i had instant noodle. once the food went down, i'm a goner. gastric:( bad bad. my mum just made me warm milo. but it feels like all my food is jammed at one place. not reaching my stomach-.- i think i might puke if i sneeze too hard.

i havent start on my coommmss-.-

i dont think i am making sense.

i better go.

@ 12:45 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

comms presentation.
eh..yet to write the one paragraph that's required. i think i will most probably do it tomorrow after i come home from my project meeting. or on the train ride home. since i am lugging my lappy along(:

have a vague idea of how i will start my presentation. but no idea what i want to say. the communication challenge is more or less fixed. it's the first thing that hit my mind when the tutor first told us about the topic.

*fingers crossed* performance day is on tuesday. jiayou(:

solid stuff to mug on.
is it me or is it me? i think it's me. after last semester's subject, this semester feels kind of empty. last sem's subjects are all screaming out for my attention from the start. AA102, HP102, BF215 and BF212.

this semester? i can hear a faint cry from AB213. but thats about it. hmmm. i think NEXT semester, i will D-I-E, DIE! 2 psych mod, AB311 and one BAF core.

so mug hard this sem? like how?

i really want to drop media in america.

notice thee pimples.
my face is breaking out. i have currently 5 pimples on my face.

and my friends are all nice people (except gabby! lols.) because they didnt make a big hoo-hah over it or say, "OMG! SHAN! what happened to your face?!!"

i like kenji's reply on a miscellaneous msn chat, "wad pimples?!"

so here's a big THANK YOU, to all my friends who didnt add on to my misery or cause my self-esteem to drop even lower. arigato~ (:

i'm sorry to say this..
happy people, especially couples or soon-to-be couples, are making me sick.

dont get me wrong, i am happy that you guys are happy(: i really really am!

but i dont know. all this happiness is "hurting" me. like the effect sun have on vampires. IF, i can dramatise it.

i am turning into scrooge. SHIT! *runs to check if her skin is turning green and scaly*

movies.
i realised i like movies that are like AVP, I Am Legend, (especially) Resident Evil, National Treasure and etc.

i like romance comedy too. but i am not as willing to part with my money just to watch them. for those type of movie mentioned above, yes yes yes, take my money. lols.

yeahyeahyeah.
whatever. emo-ish. mood swings. pimples popping. i think i should go to bed soon.

back away from me. stay in your little realm of happiness. because i am turning into scrooge and it's contagious.

@ 1:09 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

chicken or what?
i hate thunderstorms. no, wait. i hate hate hate thunderstorms. i almost jumped out of my skin just now:(

the lightnings are scary! right outside my window. even when it's at the opposite block, i can see it reflected on my window pane. it doesnt help that i was studying next to the window:( i yelped and let out wimpy whine everytime the freaking lightning flashed. wasted 45 minutes, sitting on my bed, hugging my "comfort" pillow and waiting for the next lightning.

tsktsk. i am going to be 21 soon! i shouldnt be afraid of lightnings! besides, i never used to be afraid of lightnings when i was a teeny weeny girl. where did all my guts go? *ponders*

yoohooo~ this kind of behaviour is unacceptable! lols.

the goals this year semester.
i dont know. but i think i am going to throw aside everything irrelevant and mug my guts out this semester. and judging from how i feel, i think it's possible.

no more crayons. no more crayolas. no more mr smu. no more color pencil. enough is enough.

it's all about me now. me me me. and my family too(: friends? yes, girlfriends only.

i sound like i am entering my terrible twos-.-

but yes. enough hurt is enough. enough! it's time i put a stop to it. i'll even go to the extreme and say, " i dont believe in relationships!".

shut up, little me! stop forming that little glowing blue orb of hope. i am going to chase you and smash it. stop! *gives chase*

the post secret secret.
crap.
AVP starts in 1 minute!!

*runs to switch on her super slow TV*

@ 7:17 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the BF221 textbook.
is making my eyes STING. *rubs* i think it's the smell of the textbook. boo boo.

my textbook is not the recommended one:( the popular girl lied! kind of. but i checked with the course coordinator and he said it's okay. the contents are more or less the same. mine is a newer version *phew*

been thinking if i should spend my last and ONLY GE that i can use freely (since the rest is spent on my minor in psycho) on a BAF mod. maybe i should? because everyone seems to be doing that.

the guy who sat next to us in comms class.
i confess! i took a peek at his STARS planner. he has like 8 mods!! is he mad? maybe i am the mad one?

he was asking me which BAF modS (notice the S) i am doing this semester. when i mentioned one, he keep quizzing me over and over again! i think i shocked the daylight out of him? hmm. oh wells.

call it instinct, but i am throwing him into the "judge friends based on FV" bundle.

the exchange between juan and me.
bored to tears by our AB213 lecturer, the following was exchanged..

(somehow or another we got to the topic of second toes)
me: my second is looooonnnnggg!
juan: i heard from my friend that long 2nd toe means that your husband will be scared of you in the future.
*pause*
me: that's good!!!! right?! *grins*

why the poor stays poor?
maybe i am slow. or these thought never really bothered me. but while reading the BF221 textbook, i got the answer? kind of.

when you are poor, the parents are always trying to make ends meet. trying to give their kids the best that they can give. to the point whereby they dont have any leftovers to put into their retirement funds.

therefore, when the kids grow up, they have to pay off their study loans, meet their own personal needs and at the same time make sure that their parents are enjoying their retirement. after everything, they might have nothing or very little to contribute to their own retirement fund. and the cycle repeats.

yups.

and despite all my complaining and whining, i am very glad and grateful to my parents for NOT allowing me to take that study loan. even though with that loan, the pressure on them will be a gazillion times lighter. i never realised how much it means to me, until today. thanks, mum and dad(:

i guess, thats probably why i feel embarrassed at asking money from them. especially these days. i mean, i AM going to be 21 this year. i should be spending my own money. or using what little allowance they give me more wisely. not ask them for money every single time i want to buy bags/clothes/gadgets and whatnot. even if they offer to pay for me, i still dont like taking and will find means and ways to say no. *shrugs*

if only my brother understands the pressure on my parents and not 怨/scold them when they cant afford to buy him mp3s or upgrades for his computer. *shrugs*

guys:dumb or stupid?
this is a really sweeping (possibly offending) generalisation. but from what i've observed attached girls are usually those who like to take things/people for granted. they tend to have the mentality that, "yesyes, i am the best. bow and be my servant. please me!" that people ARE suppose to be nice to them.

right, and guys tend to like girls who KNOWS how to play mind games.

so guys, are you dumb or stupid?

P/S: but i know a few girls who are attached but NOT like that.

girls: dumb or stupid?
girls, on the other hand, like guys who are a little bad. *sings* bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do when the come for you? *ahem* and a little 粗心. inattentive to details. mostly, MCPs.

so they ALWAYS complain about how their boyfriends are neglecting them and THEN look for a secondary 'boyfriend' (or a close guy friend as they like to call it) who will shower them with the attention thats required. and usually, these secondary boyfriends dont mind!

girls, dumb or stupid? ditch the primary and be with the secondary. since the secondary is making you feel much better. and trust me, you can NEVER turn a bad boy good.

once again, to the secondary boyfriends, dumb or stupid?

in conclusion.
alright, i probably offended everyone. but thats what i have observed.

and these generalisations are based on some assumptions. for the guys part, i am assuming that the guys are doing the wooing. for the girls part, i am assuming that the girls like the boys first. blah blah blah.

oh, why cant good girls and good guys just get together? *slaps self* life is NOT that simple. thats why "..happily ever after.." is such a HUGE deal when it do happens, silly!

okok, i better get to bed. up early to do more BF221. i cant believe we are going to decide the fate of 10% of our grades next week. this is like MADNESS.

laughter is an instant vacation. thus, i need a vacation badly!(:



@ 2:07 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i dont know whats the title in english but in hakka, we call her "pak puo". she's my grandpa's brother's wife.

she passed away this afternoon. my family only visit her once a year during cny and she's always trying to stuff us with food(:

i'll miss her laughter. and the way she pronounces my name.

i realised old people have different ways of pronouncing my name. all my grandparents have different ways of pronouncing it. but all are tinge with a little hakka accennt(:
@ 7:44 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the hardest friend to say goodbye to is most probably those that you always 斗嘴 with. because you will miss those times. those moments.

i finished all 17 episodes of coffee prince!

not too bad a show. the middle was a lil draggy but all dramas are like that. unlike princess hours, this is not a show that i will want to rewatch. 3.3 stars out of 5(:

next up, last 2 episodes of gossip girl. then 公主小妹！

梦想会成真的。aza!
@ 2:40 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

BF221 -Wealth Planning.
i was 5 minutes late. and a guy was stuck outside the class for quite sometime until i arrived. hello? cant he at least try pressing those buttons at the side of the door? instead of trying to open a locked door by "sheer" strength? oh wait! how about KNOCKING?!-.- in the end, i pressed the button at the side and BRAVO! the door opened!

my class is overpopulated. fullstop.

class was fun. nice classmates too(: i keep laughing and laughing. the downside? presentation next week :( bummer. which reminds me, i need to work on my comms presentation.

oh and! the coordinator is not going to teach my class! instead, a student who is studying her PhD now is. SHIT! lets just hope she's not soft and dont know her stuff *fingers crossed*

but from what i saw today, i think i can be louder than her without even trying. hmm.

in dad's shop(:
class ended more than an hour early. my phone was retarded. i couldnt receive or send messages until i left boon lay. BAH! angry.

i came home around 4. and then stayed in my dads shop to help. well actually, i was waiting for my mum to go pasar malam with me. but in the end, i stayed while my dad went to take a catnap. and we left for pasar malam at 6.

whee~my mum kind of "praised" me today! heees. a customer asked, "wow. your daughter ah? so guai to come down and help!" then my mum said, "yah. my 2nd daughter. she is the only one who is willing to help out in the shop."

that coming from my mum IS something *big grins*

incidents.
theres 2 geylangs and a little las vegas below my block. everyone should know right? i think i've mentioned it before?

but anyhow! one of the lady from one of the shop came and buy condoms. she tried to act like it's no big deal but she totally flushed up when shes paying. oh well. at least she's not like those guys who buys condoms. they will be fidgeting, loitering around the condom shelf, pale and sweaty and super nervous.

why do people find it embarrassing to buy this stuff?

oh yeah! this uncle came to the shop to buy the evening newspaper. and on the newspaper there's this ad on breast firming. so of course, the model is proudly showing off the cleavage. this uncle is freaking disgusting! he paid for the newspaper, place it on the counter and STARED at the cleavage. as if thats not enough, he brought it close to his face! he stood there for a good 2 minutes looking at the ad. his expression was sickening. PUH-LEASE! it's not the first time the ad appeared! and if you want to enjoy the ad, please do it in the comfort of your own home. PERVERT!

meaningful conversation.
i cant hold a proper conversation without intentionally/unintentionally making it into a joke? i dont know. maybe i can. but just not with everyone. and it depends on the situation as well? *shrugs*

this thought needs further processing.

mission impossible.
my sister has asked me to help her seperate the lyrics on her scores according to beats.

AHHHH! i am beat deaf. tone deaf. musically deaf. HELP!

i am more numbers oriented than musically oriented.

okok.
last episode of coffee prince! i am 1/3 through.

it's so sweet! talking on the phone till one person falls asleep. even then, you dont hang up. the next morning, you wake up and you can hear the person making those sounds that people make when they are about to wake up (well, at least i do!). and thats when you hang up and ring the person phone! and when they pick up, you sing to them. SWEET~

drama is not good for me. not good not good. *chants*

i need to decorate my corkboard!! and i need to go to IKEA!!!!!!!!
@ 1:20 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

there is a kind of "占有" that's really cute and endearing(: saw it in coffee prince.

but then again, this 占有 is not on me. so maybe thats why it's cute, funny and sweet. hmm.
@ 3:14 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

as cny approaches..
it's time to wave byebye to my money:( i have to buy new clothes, new shoes, new bags and renovate/refresh my hairstyle.

and of course, i have to by cny goodies for my mum, dad and gramps(: no idea when it started but i have a habit of buying their favorite cny goodies for them. as a way of saying thanks, i guess.

my dad loves the kueh bangkit from bengawan. my mum and gramps are fine with anything. but usually, i get pineapple tarts for my gramps and the goodie with the nuts (i cant remember the name) for my mum. so yes. i need to visit bengawan solo soon(:

i've been a good girl today(:
i read the first chapter of the comms textbook! hahas. i'm so proud of myself(:

but seriously, the book is quite ERMMM. oh wells.

i still retain my view that communication skills CANNOT be taught. and what one deems as good communication skills can be deem by another as lousy communication skills. it's all a matter of opinion eh?

money come my way!
hahas. i need money! hahas. one more tuition job! anyone got lobang? *blink blink*

love.
the song for the 9pm show on channel 8 contains this phrase, "..学会去爱就不会迷路..." the road here means life.

i heard it while on the way to the kitchen to get more pineapple tarts. hahas. then a thought strike me.

why do people view love as the cure all, heal all? why do some people think that if they have love, they have then make it in life? love determines whether you are successful or not in life? why do they make love sound like the most reliable thing in the entire universe?

*sighs* i dont know.

i agree love CAN heal(have they forget about time?). but it doesnt work in all situation. it doesnt cure ALL things. there are certain things that can never be heal by love. it's not the almighty. and love most definitely dont determine how successful you are. well, not by itself. a person's success is determine by other factors as well.

finally, love is NOT reliable. no. it can change faster than i can change my mood. and who says, "学会去爱就不会迷路" ? in fact, it's rather the opposite. when you have learn to love someone, yes, you wont feel lost. but what if the person leaves you? what are you left with? nothing. and thats where the whole 迷路 part comes into play.

maybe i am just pretty skeptical and broken up inside. but the most reliable person in the world is yourself. yourself and maybe your family members (the maybe is there because some families are pretty different). because, you can never leave yourself. *shrugs*

but then again..if love is not the cure all, heal all. what is? money? no way. power? as if! sex? definite no no. so then, if it's not love, what is? friendship? maybe. because the qualities of friendship (as previously mentioned in my december post) is changing.

dont get me wrong, i still believe in love. still waiting for that prince charming. hahas. IF he does exist.

okok.
that's about it. coffee prince then bedtime! school tomorrow. it's the end of the week!

a serious dose of self-doubt, skepticism and low self-esteem. trying to stay afloat. can you tell?


@ 1:09 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i like this bag(: found it on bananahouse. i think it's kat's and kexin's store? BUT! they dont have this bag in ivory (ie the color in the picture). bummer.

AHHHHHH~!
@ 8:41 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

suddenly, i feel like deleting whatever i just post just now.

and i am feeling ugly again. self-esteem plummeting like nobody's business.

there there, emo shan. all you need is sleep.
@ 3:05 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

tuition.
you can see that my tutee is tired from all the school activities. she's making half-hearted attempt at questions. must approach with caution. if not, she might end up hating maths like i used to back in primary six. eeeks.

or maybe i am just too soft-hearted.

i think i can handle one more tuition? i need the cash anyway.

even though my mum is practically FORCING the money on me, i dont feel comfortable taking it. because i know by giving me the money, she is most definitely scrimping somewhere else. so i rather she keep the money and spend it on herself. mothers need to learn to pamper themselves too!

ab213.
was kind of late for the lecture. ended tuition at 3.10 and rushed all the way down to boonlay. was hungry like mad! so asked sampat king to help me queue for macs. but when i reached, i changed my mind. so sampat king queued for nothing. bu hao yi si, "lao pa"! hahas.

the lecture is like total BLAH-ness. it's like HP102! but they just sort of have a different way of calling it. like referral sampling. i think psycho called it by another name. hmms. *shrugs* hopefully, my tutorial teacher is better than my lecturer? *sarcastic* yeah right.

being stared at.
i wore shorts to school today. old ah peks keep staring at my legs. i have no idea what the hell is wrong with me today, but it REALLY bothered me. so i just glared at these old ah peks. *fumes* i guess it serves me right huh? if i dont want to be eyed, i should have wore jeans. but jeans is like so URGH sometimes.

juan's xmas card(:
i know xmas have been over for eons. but juan and i just exchanged our xmas card(: hahas. i love that woman(: shes the first one who ask me to be angry with her at times-.- hahas.

i still have some of your xmas cards with me! hurhur.

another thing about me.
i guess..i am rather different these days. in secondary school, i used to get mad (at my friends) easily. like REALLY angry. and it takes forever for me to "forgive" them.

but these days? i get mad. but i dont STAY mad. and seriously, i cant remember the last time i was seriously angry with a friend. hmmms.

being too nice? maybe. a possible victim of being taken for granted? possibly.

screw it. i love my friends(: that's you you you you and you. no, not you. but you at the back! hahas. cuckoo~

falling sick:(
my nose was trickling like a stream during tuition lahs. so i gluped down one panadol and it turned from stream to dripping tap. i can live with dripping tap. hahas.

my throat is itchy too. not good. and the nose is still dripping. beh! semi-sick is not good. i rather have fall sick sick.

i remembered the last time i was semi-sick. i was taking some old medicine and it's not working. and i couldnt find time to visit the doctors. my mum was so worried that she cried! eeks. so yes, semi-sick is not good.

back to visit at J8(:
went to visit gabby and ivy (joey went home) at J8's perlini. gabby calls me rudolph! *cries* the pimple is HUGE.

he asked me to put toothpaste on the pimple. hmm. shall try that tomorrow. my forehead is erupting again. *$&%#^@^#$#^#&%#. PMS perhaps? waaaaahhh..my body is really having delayed puberty!!

it was nice back! gabby keep screaming, "eye-candy! eye-candy!" and then force me to look-.- poor ivy! always kana block by gabby. hahas. so yes, we spent 25 mins talking and 5 min looking at eye-candy-.- i'm forced to!!

i dont have eye-candy anymore remember?

alrightys.
whole body is aching like nobody's business! i want to snuggle up to warm things and snooze. no one messages me before 3pm tomorrow! okay? hahas.

one episode of coffee prince next!

sunshine through my window.

@ 1:22 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

first day back in school.
it's hello again to angmokio, yiochukang, khatib, yishun, sembawang, admiralty, woodlands, marsiling, kranji, yewtee, choa chu kang, bukit gombak, bukit batok, jurongeast, chinese garden, lakeside and boonlay!

ab214 was a big HMMMMM. my class seem really scary. and i think scotchey and i must have exhibited a really unfriendly face because everyone refused to sit at our table. so we are like OOOKKKAAAYY. i miss my ab114 class already!

media in america is BLAH! the professor dont use powerpoint slides or videos. even transparencies would have been good. but NOPES! he just goes on and on and on. it's amazing that i didnt fall asleep. and the workload for this mod is like a CORE. pffft. not worth it. trying to get some other mod so i can drop this. *determined*

knocked my head again while sleeping on the train :(

the look.
so i wore racer-back and jeans to school today with my fringe tied back. this is how i look:
okay, it looks more scary and mature here. but i was telling scotchey that when you see me with my hair tied in the way it did, you will expect to be very soft-spoken, gentle and demure. but when i open my mouth and start speaking, you will get the shock of your life. because i am almost the total opposite! hahas.

i seriously have to START smiling in pictures again! instead of giving the pout-smile. eeewww!

can you see the pimple sitting right in the middle of my nose? theres one on the corner of my left eyebrow too! and many tiny ones on the center of my forehead. i was telling my mum, my face is having late puberty. while everywhere of my body have stopped, the face just begun :(

the gathering outside the toilet.
i was talking to scotchey when mad came out of the toilet and she said, "i thought it was you all! cause the voice sound so familiar!" hahahs. opps. i must have been talking really loudly then :X

so the three of us stood outside the toilet and talk. then we saw sampat king and i called out to him. then the four of us stood outside the toilet and talk. lols. what a weird place to gather. but it's nice.

SAMPAT KING! hurry up and try to change to our comms class!! me and sampat queen have been passing notes during class. lols. -.- o.O

the kid in my dad's shop.
so i came home and stayed in my dad shop. this little kid came in with her sweater hood covering her face! so i went BOO! and she laughed! hahas. afterwards, she keeps putting the hood back on and waiting for me to say BOO!

and when i was heading home, she said byebye. even when i am very very far away, she shouted bye! sweet(: made a grouchy me smiled(:

it's this little things that keeps you smiling all day(:

the primary 6 question i cant solve:(

The distance between Town A and Town B was 180 km. A car started travelling from Town A to Town B at 70 km/h. At the same time, a van travelled from Town B to Town A at 50 km/h. If they passed each other at 9 a.m., at what time did they start their journey?

omg. i still cant do primary 6 maths and i am teaching a primary 6 kid? help?:(

the printer.
eyeore must be the happiest soft-toy in my room since i bought my printer. why? because he gets a place to rest on! see!
eh! but he looks sad in this picture. but really! he looks cute and happy over here.

oh man! i am turning 21 and i still treat my soft toys as if they are real?! too much mr magorium's wonder emporium perhaps? hahas. but sometimes soft-toys are all you have(:

ab213 tomorrow(:
I AM SITTING WITH ONG HUIJUAN!!! OH YEAH!!! BE PREPARED, JUAN! *grins*

this is so exciting. after being in nbs for 1.5years, we are finally attending a lecture together again!! after 6years!!! (((:

books i borrowed(:
after school, i decided to head to bishan library and borrow 6 books(:

Gossip Girl : Nothing can keep us together.
The Cinderella Pact: Novel
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Beauty Queen Blowout
2+1 is enough
Guess who didnt take a nap?

whees~ good bedtime stories(:

okie dokes!
off to bed now. 3.42am le. have to wake up at 11 tomorrow to go for tuition before rushing to school.

scotchey, thanks for helping me hand up my ab214! ai ni o~

cockroach man, hope you are feeling better!

bestie, i miss you!

SPP! meet up for jan? someone bug cyn! it's her turn to organise!!!

treat everyday like a celebration; let me take some of the punches for you tonight(:

@ 3:08 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.