time adds fluff to memory(:

i feel a little accomplished today (or should i say yesterday?)

i woke up early(early as in 12) and did Stats. I didnt expect it to take as long as it did (5hours!!!!! *horrors*) but the point is I actually completed it. Then i rested for quite awhile. Talking to the lousy piece of shit before he goes clubbing. and i was telling hanwei and shuhui, why didnt we think of going clubbing today?! hahas. since none of us have lesson the next day. hahas. so i guess we have to wait until sem break.

then after dinner, i read OB. well, the part about Decision-Making and Creativity. did the tutorial using word. thats a new way of doing tutorial! i mean, instead of me getting distracted by the computer while using the traditional pen and paper to do the tutorial, i might as well use the distraction and do the tutorial! and i did. i was pretty focus i have to say. hahas. and its pretty long. well, its the first OB&D tutorial where i actually wrote SOME things.

and i realised i have slacked too much this term. and i better pull up my socks and get the gears going. i must score well. failing is not an option as i am only taking 3 subject this term. and no CCA to speak of. haas. was thinking how i am going to fully utilise my time and uni life next sem. i want to be busy busy busy. i think.

so tomorrow will be marketing tutorial 7 and then if theres time, read one of the chapter for OB&D's tutorial 8. either that or make notes for last week's marketing notes. i must get my ass moving and start making notes. hahas. but how long should the notes be? 2 pages? 3 pages? i AM bringing it into the examination hall in the end. hmms. must ask hanwei. lols.

project meeting in school on friday for OB&D. then meeting my favorite project group in town on saturday morning. hahas.

its already thursday. where did my monday, tuesday and wednesday go?

did i mention? the lucky ass is going off to italy and switzerland next month. GAH! hes travelling again! thats like 3 times in 2 months? o.O baka nehs

as i said, i am not letting go fast enough.

happy ord, babe.

@ 2:48 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

some of the pretty memories this term=)

i hope theres better and prettier memories to come next term.
i want this year to be perfect=)

@ 7:57 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

我很想爱他
但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧
免得感情变得复杂

我很想爱他
但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗
谁能给我一个好的回答

@ 5:15 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

another meaningless conversation.

i cant let go fast enough.

@ 3:04 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i love my marketing project grp mates=)

they make me laugh even when they are not around=)

@ 12:36 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i know i have said this a million times. but somehow this time, its real.

while writing in my journal last night, i cried. i cried and cried and cried. and after i've switched off the light, i cried myself to sleep. and even now, while writing this, my eyes are tearing up.

i have had enough of this.

i want to run away. i want to stop hurting. the pain that is so familiar to me that i just ignored it. it is there so often that i am used to it.

i have been hearing things that i dont want to hear about alot more often than usual. things about my family members. things about my family financial crisis. things about him and his thoughts. and the way my mum is so calculating about money (and shes not with my sister or brother). the way my parents seem to just ignore the fact that i need a life outside of school. they dont get why i am sleeping late so often recently. they make it sound like i have a choice. the way i felt on saturday when i met the gang for prata on saturday. that detached feeling from the rest. that yearn to be close to them once again but finding yourself not being able to. and that new feeling of irritated-ness i have towards this certain someone i know. which i think is totally uncalled for. maybe its cause i see so much of my past self in her. naybe its cause i see so much of my bad memories in JC in her. i have no idea. and all this irrational fear abt the way i look. i have never been this vain in my either life. never have i give a damn abt the way i look. but now, suddenly this fear of not looking good and overwhelming me.

things change. people change. but i guess, i cant accept it.

maybe the physical pain from my braces will dull all these all this for me.

i need someone to shield me from all these cannonballs that life's been hurling at me.

when did i become so rationalistics about my feelings? i used to scream, love, hate , laugh and swore as and when i feel like it. maybe its cause that supporting circle of friends whom i know will always love and care for me no matter how crappy i am and who really knows that my intention were good, have started to disintegrate.

and guys, theres no more me and him. we are friends. the message couldnt be clearer yesterday. and while he bade me goodnight, i was sitting in the dark and staring at our conversation window. thinking, "another meaningless conversation.leading me/us to nowhere." and hence, this time, i am going to put a stop to this. i am going to try and take everything he said from the pov of a friend. i am going to try and distant myself from me. but it was nice on saturday when he told me he liked me more than the little kids (whom he love more than anything) and when he asked why i didnt message him since my day was pretty dull. it was nice. but its not doing me any good. and its pointless. so yeah, friends.

theres more i want to say. but my mum is nagging me to have my lunch. maybe later.

thanks kar leng=) i'll be fine. as always.

@ 1:20 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

u make me wanna cry.

@ 3:32 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

hot and cold. hot and cold.

fuck off. i hate this.

the colder i am, the "warmer" you are. and vice versas.

bugger off bugger off bugger off.

and then i'll scream, come back come back come back. gah!

weakling!

and just like what i say, " humans are 'jian' de."

@ 10:42 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

we didnt exchange a word at all today.

wows.

i think i get the msg?

@ 11:56 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

我不想在这样子的走下去了。

你说你不会爱任何人，每个人都爱。

但是我不想只和你一直保持这样莫名奇妙的关系。如果你真的每个人都爱的话，那么你又为何对我说你把我当做多过朋友。

我真的好辛苦! 好想真的狠地把你推开，不再和你天天夜夜的说话。但是，我不能。我式过，但我几乎快要垮掉。好可怕哦! 好想叫你不要对我这样的体贴，这样的好。但是，我们都知道你还是会的。我该如何是好?

你现在应该睡着了吧，大傻瓜! 不要想太多，知道了吗? 好想念你叫我dear, baobei, baby和sweetie 的日子。但那都已经是过去了。快点回答我! 不要让我担心。

有谁能够告诉我，我该怎么办?

我又好想哭了。

its all in chinese. so just change ur encoding to read it=)

@ 2:28 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the prata sucked today. so chao ta. not nice!! and the service sucks too.

i missed him today.

and hanwei said this is the first time i have admitted that i actually miss him. it is? hmms.

met up with almost everyone i want to meet up with today. i love them all! and everyone keep saying that i am looking better (better not prettier ah!) these days. i am? oh wells. dont feel like it though.

and everyone agreed my new phone is SOOOOOOO me. lols.

hes going out with his first love later! omg. hahas. never met up for 6 years! wows. note to self: dont kajiao him later. hahas.

rights. i do miss kajaio-ing him.

@ 5:13 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

hees. not bringing lappy to charissa's house today. too heavy to lugged it all the way there and back. hahas.

so peeps,wont be online ok?

lols.

@ 4:11 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

OB presentation was fairly ok, i guess.

but we are ready for "revenge". me and mad was like dying for degen to look at us so that we can give him that deadly stare. and theres the other couple who keep shooting us. geez!

anyways, we were talking about whistle-blowing and saying that singapore is too small for it. then the tutor said something abt moving away in singapore and i said tekong and my eye-candy actually heard me and turned and laughed. *warms up*

hahas. thats the only good thing today.

my heels broke. my watch flew off from my hand. and i woke up with no voice. hahas.

oh wells.

@ 10:16 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am tired. haa.

i'll be so glad when OB's over tomorrow. kinda glad we are the 1st team to present. and before term break some more! haas. hopefully it means a quieter and a more peaceful break toos.

*yawn*

i hereby declare thursday, 21st Sept, as my RELAXATION DAY!

@ 2:28 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

stop being a perfectionist. stop being a perfectionist.

but i have to say, i am quite disappointed in my OB project. the alignments are either really off or i am just a perfectionist. and i dont think i have to write a speech for this presentation cause almost everything that can be said about the topic is on the slides. and i guess, han, shu hui, mad and kar leng can probably tell that this means things are really bad? as in, i'm the kind who minimise things on the slides AND THEN explain. not the other way round. but, well...it is judge as a whole group anyways.

i think i am getting gastric pains. shit.

was on a roll today on the train home. i was reading my marketing notes and i am actually processing everything. not just plainly reading! i was actually tempted to sit all the way to marina bay and back. but then thats just a little too cuckoo for me today. so i alighted at bishan.

came home and found these new stuff at my dads shop:

shit shit shit! its new hershey's kissable! and the oh-so-hard-to-find meiji 86% dark choclate(my dad didnt have the 99% one. damn.) .and i am not suppose to eat ANY chocolate this week! for the sake of my skin! but after some "discussion" (mainly me doing the talking), i decided that i will eat the dark chocolate! cause after next week, it will be super troublesome for me to consume chocolates.

friday is board-gaming day with the marketing project mates. hahas. lazy to type their names out again. hahas. cant wait!!

took lotsa pictures today!

some pictures are taken during our group "discussion" and some during marketing lecture which was really boring as the stupid lecturer keep going on and on and on about cars which i dont understand. tsk tsk. cant he use soft drinks or smth more unisex? o.O

and heres the much awaited pic from ystd:

yups. poor guy. i have to "force" him to take pic with me. and thats hes ugly green slippers. lols. so big. and guys, we are really really just friends! ok? hahas.

@ 10:18 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i'm back safe and sound, peeps!

he drove me back. quite nice. big, comfy and CLEAN car. lols. must highlight that fact cause he just clean the car last night. hes off to deliever stuff to his friend at jalan kayu. no supper, dude! ahahas.

took one pic. and he very mian qiang de pei he me then take de. -___- his slipper is big! lols. shall post the pic when i am less brain dead. lols.

it was nice having someone to listen to me, to lean on and to give me that sense of security. and yet, its just a purely platonic(?!!), purely pure friendship =)

dude, kfc nxt! cheese fries here i come! and sorry i "wasted" your money. lols. i really couldnt finish mah!!!!

@ 11:39 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

meeting him for dinner tmr:) scary yet nice at the same time.

shall tell you guys the details when i am back. haa. please dont let there be any awkward moments.

hes driving=) lets just hope he drives better than my sister.

and pimples, be gone!!! i hate to go out with pimples on me. please!! just for one day! lols.

i am beginning to realise that i cant always give my 100%. i have given my 101% for both marketing project. and, i am sorry to say this, but for OB&D's competency project, i cant. i just dont have the energy to give my 100%. hais.

@ 2:29 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

he sure can watch tv.

his gone for like soon to be 3hrs o.O tian ah.

is there a soccer/tennis match today? hmms.

@ 11:56 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

talking to him again. i took the initiative. if i didnt, i think the dumbo sure wont talk to me de. so "guai".

and like mad han AND winston said, "..guys can be so stupid sometimes. and i'll leave it at that.."

how do i feel now?

still sucky cause of other stuff. but i am smiling a little now cause of him. acting so lousy de ta:) guys, hes not call mei liang xin de le. hes call bu hui yan xi de (dont know how to act) for now. hahas. yes, i am gaa-gaa over him.

but as my bestie, lai, said, " both of you remain in the ai mei situation is better than both of you not talking."

yups. and i guess everyone could see that huh?

@ 3:29 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

right after i posted the previous entry.

ber, sivan and weilin came and talk to me. thanks=)

but why not you?

@ 11:04 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

my msn nick is pretty much screaming out for help.

and no one came. they dont dare?

thanks, winston:) you are still mr nice guy! hees. i really cant remember why we call you that back in secondary school.

@ 10:16 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

while talking to lai last night, i broke down.

i cried for the first time in months. i am still weak. but all this crying is still not enough.

i found out the reason why uni was rather easy to adapt to. its partly because of him. the most insecured person you ever know(which is me), i need someone to be there. someone who wont change. hence, whilist everything is changing in my life, hes the only constant there. always online, always there to make me smile (and frown), always there to assure me. so yeah. and of course another part of the reason is cause of han, shuhui(faith), mad and kar leng. all who made me laughed so much. thanks, babes:)

another major change in my life is about to happen. seeing that i have just pushed him far far away from me. whos gonna stay put and be my constant? i want to talk to him but being the chicken that i am. i dont.

@ 4:23 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

today's been a good day:)

had our case study presentation. we rushed through everything. but it was good, i think. hahas. OB next. yikes.

after tutorial, me mad and han went to the open area above LKC and watched "50 First Dates" (my vcd! hees). nice nice. we took photos too. heres one of them.

cosy! yes, i have pimples. *cries* hahas. havent wore white for a long time. and i like it:) hees.

and of course, i am waiting for something bad to ruin these beautiful day. but then again, i am hoping for something to happen to top the day. and we all know what that is right? haas.

@ 6:49 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

why does it have to be so damn hard.

@ 1:12 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i have chosen this path to save myself from heartache.

its sad. the cold replies i have been sending him. you can see from his replies that he doesnt know what to do.

but i cant help it. i dont want to be stuck not knowing where we are heading.

i told you to do me a favour and leave me alone. you didnt ask why. just said ok. a cold ok. i want you to ask me why.

its raining now. i dont have to cry cause the sky is doing it for me. but somehow, it doesnt seem enough.

i just have to get through this stage. how long is it gonna last? cos i dont think i can take it any longer.

i need your comfort.

@ 8:48 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i love my desktop picture now:) lookie.

yesyes. the show was eons ago. but i love it~ well, more the actors than the show. especially sandra bullock!

@ 11:52 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

he's off to zouk. i think this is the first time i have had a night alone to myself since i have known him.

didnt realise this but we've practically chatted every night from 7+ in the evening to 2 + in the morning every single day.

either its because of a lack of sleep, of too much marketing case study or the fact that i cant talk to him tonight, i am having that withdrawal feelings. hmms.

we almost met this afternoon. we almost took the same train.but in the end, he needs to shit so he took the train before mine. hahas. louya~

i am still not sure where we stand. sometimes, he still calls me those names. but sometimes he dont. i think this situation that i am in now is worse than the one before. at least then, i have a vague idea where i stand. hmms.

and more and more people knows about this. somehow, i have the feeling that the more i talk about things between me and him, the less likely anything is going to happen between the two of us. because i am jinx-ing it. get it? and i am in two minds about this. good? bad? no idea. maybe i should stop letting new people know ~~about us~~ about it?

i'm stuck in limbo again. hate it.

@ 10:29 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i planned to sleep early today. thats why i woke up early from my nap!

but something unexpected happened. got on my nerves and kevin went offline right when it happened so no one to "sayang" me and stop my bitchiness.

wait. sivan helped though. she empathise with me=) thanks gal.

alrights , better start packing and head off to bed.

@ 1:58 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

dont know whats coming over me.

suddenly i am caring once again. not trying to blow my own trumpet. but i havent truly care for anyone for quite some time. now i do.

i worry about my sister and her universtiy application.

i worry for Lai and her worries.

i worry that my mum is letting me put braces because my cousin is doing it toos.

i worry for juniors and zhiyang who are mugging their guts out for A's. praying that their mugging oil dont burnt out before they reach the ending point.

i worry abt kevin who hides behind a smile and never open up.

haha. worry as in caring worry. not worry worry. so its all good.

and i feel good=)

@ 10:23 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i'm on a roll for marketing. thoughts just keep flowing in. elaborations that i didnt know i know. hahas.

but i have to get to bed.

2 parts down. 2 more to go. tomorrow! and i have to collaborate and combine everyone else's presentation toos.

@ 2:16 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i woke up at 11.45 despite sleeping late last night to try and finish my homework.

but i wonder how i am suppose to do it when my sister keeps interrupting me about her uni application -___-? but being the sister that i am, i listen and give appropriate letter writing skills i learnt from IRAS. which is kinda crap i think. lols.

such is the relationship i have with my sister. we embarrassed ourselves together=)

@ 12:46 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

so where does that put us now?

you said you love walking in the rain cause no one can see you cry. well, i love crying in the showers.

and thats what i feel like doing now. why does it have to be so god damn hard.

it sucks when the only person who can offer you comfort is also the person who cause you the trouble. i need you. u hear me?

@ 12:50 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

you asked me again. and i told you, no.

it hurts to say that. but i am drawing the line now. here.

@ 12:41 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

suddenly shes getting on my nerves. i dont know why.

i need you here to diffuse my bitchiness. but you're not.

got woken up by kahleng today at 2plus when she called me and asked me abt the project. AHHHHH! i will be so happy when its all over. no more MarkPlus and Co.

i am off to do my Stats tutorials and do my part for marketing which is quite alot. i think this time i have taken up more than i can do/chew.

@ 7:53 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

for the first time in weeks, i slept properly. no dreams, no disturbance, no nothing.

i didnt even know that my sister bathed and left for work. i didnt even hear hanwei's sms-es.

maybe i had a really great day. maybe all those spurlging made me feel better. maybe i didnt think of him at all (other than when i was having dinner with ber) that day. maybe i was just worn out with life and all its emotions.

it felt good.

its a FREAKING diving trip. which means he wont be back till god-knows-when. good? i guess. we can REALLY test our feelings then. if its just infactuation, it will be gone and we can both move on. if its not? i'm still moving on. i dont want to be stuck in limbo.

and you didnt even bother to tell me until 3 hrs before you leave. that says alot.

@ 3:07 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

u said you dont want to ee me troubled.

but do you know u are the cause of it?

@ 7:22 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

went out with san and lai today. we were in paradies at taka! theres this teddy bear fair! and of course, i brought camera and we went stir crazy! hahas. lookies~

i made lai take picture with the penguin=)

and the $600+ kapo bear that we can never afford. i got everyone falling in love with it. hahas.

i had fun. shall post the pic up next time.

@ 10:49 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

okies. now i got the whole tagging thing over and done with.

today i had my first class quiz. but i got the last question wrong. 4 marks!!! wah! but never mind. its over le so lets not ponder over it. better luck next time rights?:) i still dont have the habit of double checking my answer with friends after a test. hmmms..

and then we went to SSC to collect my EZlink card and mad's bursary! GAAAAAHHH! my bursary is already there! but they refuse to give it to me cause they didnt call me up yet! what the..!! i mean since i am already there, might as well give it to me right? i was rather pissed abt that and i said pretty loudly while waiting for the lift with hanwei and mad, " if i really need the money from them to help me, i would have died!" lols. grrr. thats means that we have to go to the caterpillar filled place again. sorry gurls! you have to walk with me again! :S

after that we went to SAC de cafe there to wait for shu hui and kah leng. all three of us were dying from hunger so we decided to eat first. me and han couldnt decide whether to go for baked rice, roast chicken or teriyaki chicken. lols. in the end we ate terriyaki. had coke as usual and chewed on ice. whee~ must chew all i can now. oh yeah. theres this very good looking again sitting to my right! so handsome~ lols. new eye candy! but i bet he is not from NBS~ *cries* lets go SAC more often!!! heees(:

then we tried to do our marketing case study but ended up talking. nice nice:)

had fun in markting lecture! but the front row peopel super kns. first they put their bags and book under out chairs and then they brought food in. GAAAAAHH. asss. shall not comment.

i came home and dusted, mopped and tidied my whole room! now i am tired. still have marketinfg tutorial! brrr...more later. i think.

@ 8:47 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i'm doing this cause hanwei tagged me. assuming that the shan shes referring to is me! hahas. so here goes nothing....

Favorite

Color: pastel colours and black (: but especially baby blue and pink!
Food: Junk food!!! chocolates! and raisin waffles from gelare for now (craving!~)
Movie: Mean Girls, Freaky Friday, Parent Trap, Pretty Woman..no horror movies cause i never dare to watch the whole show!
Sport: cycling! and dancing! but i dont know how to dance! hahas. super none sporty o! want to learn tennis and bladingthoughs ;p
Day of the week: Fridays! cause it signifies the end of the week! AHHH!! my lovely bed~~
Ice Cream: for now...Walls Strawberry Delight! yums *licks lips*
TV show: ANTM, Project Runway, Desperate Housewives for now. AHHH! no life! i dont watch tv anymore! *horrors*

Current

Mood: tired.
Taste: cola taste from the sweet i ate.
Clothes: pe shorts and white tee shirt.
Desktop: perlini's silver wallpaper!
Toenail Colour: none. too lazy to color them! ;p
Time: 8.25pmAnnoyance: that i cant figure him out.
Thoughts: i need to get my marketing tutorial done. out with besties tmr! what will we talk about? how does he feel about me really? yes, i am obsessed! :S

First

Best Friend: Shu Hui, my next door neighbour from long ago!
Crush: back in kindergarden! i even have the picture to prove it. and we did talked on the phone everyday! cant remember his name though.
Movie: Jurassic Park (thats the first one i can remember)
Lie: probably to my mum when i was a little girl. "Did you take sweet from the shop?" my mum asked. and i will say no cause dont want to get scolded! lols.
Music: ehhhsss...some chinese nursery songs.

Last

Cigarette: dont smoke.Drink: coke during lunch!
Car ride: this morning when dad drove me to the MRT station.
Crush: kevin. lols!
Phonecall: to my mum! to tell her to stay at home cause i have no keys! then incoming one should be from lai! she called cause she was worried abt me:)
CD played: must be CD ah? hmmss...Jolin's Wu Niang?

Have you ever?

Dated one of your best friend: nopes. cause they are all girls!
Broken the law: nehs.
Been arrested: nehs.
Skinny Dipping: lols. nopes. singapore cannot lahs! and no figure.
Kissed someone you don’t know: never been kissed.

okies..i tag sivan! and kevin! lols. whos answer only i can see! lols!

@ 8:23 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i like it when it is this way.

when i dont have time to myself. so that i wont dig deep into my thoughts and feelings, dwell on stuff that might never ever have an answer to. where i just live each day as it comes. happy that i had spent another day in school embarrassing myself (which is quite alot ;p) whilist makig people laugh and ogling at passable eye-candy with mad, shu hui and hanwei.

but then again its not healthy is it? because then i am running away from my inner most thoughts. running away from myself. the exact thing that i stopped doing a few weeks ago. i dont want to be creating happy memories now and then running away from them later on cause i am afraid to "damage" them. funny isnt it?

you said its tiring always being around someone who is skeptical 24/7. then why did you tell me that you want to show me that life doesnt have to be this way? i told you not to. but you said, you wanted to because you care. then why is it now that i feel that you are patronising me? dont make me promises that you cant keep.

and i find myself gradually walking away from you. even though i may be talking about you quite a lot but i am no longer so hung up over you. sometime soon, i'll be walking away totally(:

@ 11:34 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

amzing how i can embarrassed myself in just 2hrs.

lols. it was freezing in LKC theatre so during the 5minute break, i thought it will be a good idea to slip through the back door and get some "warmth" from the blocked corridor. so slipped out i did. but when i went out, there was 3 hunky hunks out there talking. and they stopped when i entered. so. embarrassed, i decided to slip back in.

but alas. that was not the case. i tried to open the door but it wont budge. so i tried two more times and it didnt either. and the 3 "hunks" just stared at this funny scene not offering to help! tsk tsk! so embarrassed (how many times have i said that?), i went in search of another door. and found one with 2 nice girls who helped me open the door. grrrr..

so i emerged a door away from my seat. madeline and degen was laughing their hearts out. cause they saw the rattling of the door but was debating whether they should help me open the door or not. either that or they were laughing too hard to even stand up. *cries*

embarrassed. hahas.

you bloody well can dont bother to reply me.

@ 2:31 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

nice talking to joshua and scott(US friend).

they make me laugh:)

@ 2:35 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

an additional.

today's been a good day. i didnt get as bothered when you didnt reply my msg.

i guess its starting to get obvious that both of us really dont have anything in common? that other than those topics, we wont have anything to talk about.

and that this thing that both of us are feeling are merely just infactuation. that if we stop talking to each other so much, the feelings will gradually fade off. it would be gone.

and it has nothing to do with your commitment problems.

i mean, if the feelings were really real then i would still be bothered when you didnt reply my msg right? but i didnt. instead that feeling was covered up by my drive to work. i didnt even think about you that much. so yups:)

but you made me laugh last night with your webcam:) and i went to bed laughing. i guess thats part of the reason why today is such a good day in every way for me. cause if you wake up smiling or sleep with a smile on your face, the day wouldnt be that bad:) so dont be sorry for the troubles you brought to me, you made me laugh too.

thanks, dude!

@ 11:54 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

first, steve irwin died. shocking news. saw it on yahoo this afternoon. i love his tv series. sigh.

anyways, i am so proud of myself today. for the past two days, i have been lazing around the house and not touching any tutorials at all. wows. ahhahas. i came up with a rough plan of what to do for saturday but i didnt follow it. so what i did was i came up with a time plan for today. and it worked!

i woke up at 11.45 (woah! and thanks to kevin's sms!) and started working non-stop till now. so i have cleared my stats and OB tutorials, all my readings. so whats left is to study for stats quiz tomorrow and come home and do my marketing tutorial on wednesdays. hees. so proud! havent pia homework in such a craze manner for a pretty long time. and i guess, i am starting to develop a studying system/routine(:

i've got my appointment fixed for braces. 25th of this month. yikes. now that its actually REAL. i am FREAKING OUT! miss calm and compose have left the building! lols. AHHHHHH!! i'll look ugly for two years! and possibly for my graduation pictures *horrors* and i cant have my favorite chocolates or chew on ice! nightmare! and the pain! the pain!! mwwwaaaahhhh~

and i havent tell san. shes so gonna kill me :S

meeting san and lai for dinner/lunch/brunch on thursday.possibly. and then i am meeting ber and shuping on saturday for dinner. hmms. and maybe a haircut and to buy my new hp with my sister on saturday morning/afternoon. tentatively thats all.

so sundays and mondays are mugging days again! bummer. hahahs.

alright better go and bathe. then get ready for bed(:

@ 10:36 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i find myself getting weary of him today. what he said scares me.

how can someone sound so technical about something thats not?

and why bother telling and explaining to me about kissing ur close girlfriends in the past? i'm not your girlfriend. you dont have to do that.

stop treating me like ur girlfriend. maybe then both of us will be better off.

@ 5:27 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

time for some pictures i took this week~

hanwei & kah leng

it was butterfly and sun day!

before badminton and gym(:

us after bathing

kah leng, shu hui and hanwei

and it was hearts day~!

mad and me at COMEX
(my lips are purple cause i was freezing!)

hahhahs. pretty right? so far, uni life aint that bad cause of these lovely gurls(: hehe. i hope my OB&D group mates can be just as fun as them!! hehes.

part time drama queen signing off. bed!!!!

@ 3:08 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

somehow ur song has become mine.

and i hate you for that.

@ 7:45 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

its tiring when you keep switching between warm to cold and back to warm again.

and i have to keep alternating between couldnt be bothered and flying high up in the sky. and everytime, when i am at the peak of my decision to not be bothered about you anymore, you are so warm and sweet that i couldnt keep my promise i made to myself. or when everytime, i feel so happy, you start to become cold again. quit playing this kinda game.

you asked if i wanted to date you. i didnt answer. cause i dont think you are serious.

now you are being cold again. greats. someday, i'll get tired of all these. and i will walk away with a smile on my face. like lai said, its just a habit for both of us. a habit thats not good for us.

i wish that things could be simple again. like back in primary, heck it, even secondary school days. where black is black and white is white. when i said i like you, i really mean it. to hell with politics.

@ 2:44 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

thanks lai. i love you!!!!!!

@ 1:44 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the presentation went well too. and my impromptu skills didnt actually desert me.

after marketing tutorial, went to the sports and recreation center with the guys and some girls. we played badminton! and then me mad and hanwei went to the gym. i did the steppy thing(no idea whats its called) and burnt 50 calories. not alot. but hey, i'm exercising rights?! hahas. and hanwei ran on the treadmill! and she went and run on the track after that! idol! lols! and mad went on the steppy thing and a little on the treadmill. quite nice. and i had fun. first trip to a gym. but its pretty scary eh? all the people there are like muscles muscles o.O and all very tan. so once u walk in, everyone will turn and look at you? as if assessing the total amount of fats u have in ur body and then smirking to themselves when they see that you are not as muscle as them? lols. and they are all so tan! i'm like super fair in contrast~! oh wells. maybe i'm thinking too much abt the assessment thingy. hahas. it was fun(:

after gym and badminton, we went to kah leng's hall to bathe. heard of the phrase, " three woman= one market"? i think its pretty ture=X me mad and hanwei were alone in the toilet. so we gabbed and gabbed and gabbed non-stop over the sound of flowing water! so noisy! and the three of us are sharing my bottle of shampoo and shower foam! lols! brought back memories of council and psl camp back in sec sch. damn. lols. gurls, lets do it again!!! (:

after school went to the IT fair at Expo with madeline. we were both tech idiots! so we didnt know what to do? haha. so we just walked around getting brochures for printers and then getting lost and such. that woman so indecisive!! hahas. keep alternating between brother, canon and hp! lols. we even called up hanwei to ask for her opinion. and i bought myself a nano(: so i am going to sell my mini away. anyone interested? came home at 10plus. had fun.

the idiot didnt reply my sms again. i think what i said last night really got to him. but he said he was alright? i wish i could take back those words. because he is not what i said he is. skeptical me goes around hurting people again. *sigh* and maybe because i had so much fun with hanwei madeline shu hui and kahleng today, i think, i would be happier without a guy. i would be alright. havent had these kinda thoughts for awhile now. so yups(: you said you want to show me that life doesnt have to be this way, but i dont want you to. because of one reason or another. so yups(: i am happy being single! YAHHH! i am woman hear me roar!

my dad just shouted at me because my brother was rude to him. sheesh. i am always the one who gets it when my brother is rude to my parents. leave me out of it ok? but i guess my mood is still fairly sustainable to not let this affect me. yet.

i'm waiting for something negative to happen. skeptical me.

@ 10:42 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.