ok, how many people did i offend in that previous post? *see many raised hands*

sorry!!! but i am suffering from lack of sleep so my ability to write my thoughts out in non-offensive ways is zero! sorry if i offended anyone!

and i forgot to say this, "i love you, scotch tapey!!"
@ 2:44 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

dont make me puke.

this is how much time i am spending on marketing. i started at midnight last night. sleep at 5 am. then i started at 7 today and now its 2am in the morning. i just finished. am i suppose to be spending so much time on it? GAH! dont ask me. just blindly do. like what san said,"it SHALL be DONE!" hahas.

i am those kind of person whereby when i ask you for suggestions and comments, i will listen de. but after awhile, when i get things done, then you tell me your suggestions and comments, i will throw in the bin or ignore it. sometimes these suggestions may be good, but can you imagine that because of this suggestion, i might have to REDO everything? thats what i learnt while planning for camps in secondary school. you cant suddenly say, "hey! lets have 6 groups instead of 5!" because that means the committee have to redivide the people again and have to group them according to their personality, seperate them from their cliques and etc. it may seem like an easy task(dividing people) but in actual fact, its not. i dont really know how to explain. but yeah. thats the closest example i can give? and i guess, the more you are place in a leadership role or the more you plan stuff, the more you will understand what i am saying.


@ 2:05 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

its 4 plus in the morning.

but i am still awake. i PLANNED to sleep early tonight. but thats not the case.

as usual, the job done was not satisfactory. especially for that same person again. but then again, theres improvement! yah! so my editing part is not that HUGE.

i havent done my financial planning part.

i have tutorials to do. test to study. omg. 24 hrs is definitely not enough.

help!!!
@ 4:25 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i had very weird dreams.

i dreamt that i saw air stewardess and planes flying right outside my house. and loading bags and passengers on to the plane right outside my window. and i live on the 8th storey! weird. maybe its called i was reading about working in BA last night.

i am planning to learn how to swim before i graduate. teachers anyone? i know kelvin confirm chopped will say ok! because he is desperate to find someone to go swimming with him. i seriously still cant figure out why he dont want to go alone. such a big guy and still scared to go swimming alone? and i am reluctant to let him teach me cause i will probably die from being tortured and he will die from impatience. hahas.

but first, i need to get a swimming costume.

even though i saw san 3weeks ago during cyn's bdae party, she told me i looked different on friday. i do? i overheard her discussing it with lai while i was browsing around for the blouse in G2000. i dont find anything different. and i dont think i look better.

this insecurity is killing me. i want to know where i stand with you.
@ 2:34 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

Its not because I am demanding. Its because I want the best for my group. Its because I have high expectations. And sometimes my tone will give others a feeling that if I want something, I want it. Even though at times, this may not be the case. But the way I convey the message will make people feel that way.

Its not because I have many mood swings. Its just that I get irritated very easily. And once I am irritated, my face will look horrible. And I forgive as easily as I get irritated, so my mood will be sullen then suddenly very happy again. Its not because of mood swings.

these are some of the replies i got from my gurlies todaywhen i asked them if i was demanding =)
@ 10:31 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am not saying that u are not putting enough effort. you are. by doing your part is putting in effort. but if in a team, everyone just do their part and therefore conclude that, " okay! i have done my part. i have PUT IN EFFORT.". can you imagine what the project will be like? do you think we can get an A if everyone just do their part in 3M? well, why not we just present what we have now for our marketing project to the teacher? do you think thats enough?

do you think that a company will survive when everyone just do their part? do you think that a relationship will survive if both parties just do their part? do you think that a family will survive if the dad just gets the dough and the mum just do the housework and the kids just study because they just do their part?

and the thing that really irritates me is this. i know you receive an email and you do it asap. and you send back EVEN at 1.30am in the morning. well, thank you. but do you know what i do? i extend all the deadlines for our presentation and word documents so that you guys can have time to work. you think i like to receive the presentation in thursday? i extended it cause some of you had OB presentation on monday and some of you have test on thursdays. thats why i set the deadline so far back. and this is what i do. i let you guys send me the documents later and i stay up late till 4plus (the worst time was till 5) when i have to wake up at 6 the next day so that i can compile and coordinate everything then re-sent it back to you all.

i still love my mkting project group. if any of you have any doubts.
@ 7:03 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

quite a weird day today.

i left my house late! at 6.55pm! and i alighted from my dads car in the middle of the road!! literally. but in the end, i reached pretty early. hmms..so, mkting was spent chatting and playing games at sanairotown.com! hahas. so fun. but i feel that its very rude that she was peering and looking at me while i replied to my messages! so rude! mad awhile then kinda push it off le.

we got "A" for 3M!!! i am glad our effort paid off. and of course, all those shit i had to tolerate was worth it in the end. =)

then had stats meeting then marketing meeting. was pissed again. cause i understand it is hard to concentrate, but cant you at least try? you guys always say, " editing is not ur part of the job! you just compile!". ok, fine. so i bring all ur slides to school, then ask everyone to give suggestion and see which part can be improve. NOOO!! no one paid attention other than the one who's part i am going through with. sheesh. so why waste all our time? i might as well do it at home alone rights? thanks a lot for your help, guys. this is something i have to say. i can tolerate the occassional drifting but today? its the worse so far. so stop saying, we have no time! omg. why we still have so many things to do? you guys know why? because no one LISTENS during meeting. thats not the way a meeting should go. i enjoy drifting too. but cant u see we are really pressed for time? i am pissed pissed pissed. and i told san over the msn. do you realise that we still dont have a brand name too? sh, i agree that zu is a very good name. but please understand that its not really workable because of language barrier. nice idea though. we could use it as a logo if we can come up with a suitable english name. and my financial budget is not done. and my strategy for growth and maturity is still in shambles? and it feels like nobody gives a damn cause its NOT THEIR PART. like how they dont listen while i go through the slides. because ITS NOT THEIR PART. its called teamwork for a reason. why do i feel like i am fighting alone? when i get shoot for budget, you guys cant help me. but i can when you get shoot for urs. because i know what each and everyone of you is doing. sometimes i wonder why do i care so much when i can just put in this little amt of effort and let the whole thing crash. i mean, we get the same results in the end isnt it? so maybe, i should dont care? so we can all die and not get a good grade. i dont want to hear, "sorry leh, we always give you so many problems" or "if you cant manage, we will help you." or "we are here!" because they craps. it only makes me feel more skeptical abt people. and i want to see some actions. i dont mind putting in a 110% if i know everyone is putting in their 100%. but somehow, i dont feel that way. i really dont. and i am tired of all this. i want to put my 100% in my OB now cause i feel that people there are putting in their 100% and its unfair to them if i dont. do you get me? can you get what all this jumble of rantings are about? i am not accusing or pissed or deliberately saying all this. i am not saying that you guys didnt do ur part. but there's doing your part and theres DOING YOUR PART. get it? completing your individual work is excellent! but being part of a team also means doing your part for the team! your part no longer consist of individual but it also involves the rest. its like getting into a relationship or starting a family. you can no longer just care about your individual well-being. you have to worry about the others too. do you get me? i really dont mean to offend. but these is how i feel. how i interpret teamwork. these is a result of a cooling of last week bitch-ness and all that tears i cried from friday to tuesday. all these. i really miss the laughter and the fun we had at the start of this sem where everyone is doing their job both for themselves and our teams.

i met up with san and lai today for formal wear shopping for friday. they were shocked that i need to buy the whole set so soon! hahas. but yeahs. i bought from G2000. $218 for 2 bottoms, a top and a blazer. here it is:


san had to leave early =( thanks for coming! i miss you, gurlie! hahas. then me and lai walked around wisma looking for her heels. hahas. then she followed me to taka food court to buy my japanese pancake and doughnuts =) then we went to J8 for Thai Express (we dont know if theres one in orchard). and i have vegetarian curry rice. nice! but i think a sore throat is coming up. after which, both of us had cravings for desert. so we went to swensens and queued. so loong! met mabel whos there to celebrate her brother's birthday. before its our turn, we left and went to secret receipe! they ran out of moist chocolate cake!! how could they! so i had royal chocolate cake instead. nice but i still prefer the former. lai had ice cream and she made a mess while eating cause she hates nuts. shall post pictures next time.

off to bathe. been a weird day. i am tired. but i must at least finish stats case study today.
@ 10:31 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i see my weekend shrinking away from me. so much work to do!*faints*

had a nice discussion with scotch tape. hahas. and karleng, you will die tmr! not me. i more power can?! lols.

i am excited about marketing. dreads OB. Stats indifferent.

I just regained my zen-ness. but i fear i may be losing it soon. sub-quality work from her again! but i understand. i am still feeling okay here. =)

i love jimmy choo's bridal shoe! look at this one:

and theres something about this model i love. her expression in that bridal gown. friend said that i look like her. i wish!
off to bed.stomache!
@ 2:48 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i "blame" elaine! for having the sanariotown.com quizzes! lucky i cant find any on my own so i can only do those thats on her blog. hehehes.

but its fun! hahas. and heres some pic taken during OB! yeah! i have a pic of my eye-candy at last!!!

nice! but instead of i love ob, it should be marketing! hahas. in terms of interest, marketing got mine. while OB has the best tutorial mates! everyone is so fun and nice!!!

@ 8:28 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

a quick one before i bury myself in projects and stuff. look! for fear that i will die from starvation (cause i cant bite), this is what my parents brought up from the shop:

of course, the marshmallow, cola sweet and wan zai xiao man tou is brought up by yours truly. ahahas. i can die without junk food and sweet k? hahas.

so yes, i think i might get fat! hahas.
@ 5:33 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i wish i can have one day where i can dont worry about tutorials or projects.

and knowing that the world wont collapse without me around.

to my OB&D project mates: I am sorry. I am sorry that what i am giving you all and the effort I am putting into our project is not my 100%, its not my best. And I am not proud of it. Its not suppose to be this way. And, thanks for understanding! Especially to Degen and WeiJie for always saying, " No rush." and "No worries" and "We'll handle it" because you guys are trying not to stress me. =)Xie Xie Ni!
@ 1:59 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i have a little confession to make.

i am refusing to eat. and its not just because of the braces.

i feel that its a waste of my time.

and it scares me that i am thinking this way.
@ 9:19 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

someone must have told my sister what to do.

because when i showed her my braces (by baring my teeth and saying "Heees"), she didnt flinch or recoil and say, "eee..so ugly!" Because, braces are ugly. well, at least when you are first exposed to it. and my sister always gives the most honet answer.

but, no. she went, "eh? so nice looking de ah?" lols.

i am restless. very very restless. brain full of stuff i have to do, the constant popping up of images for ads for marketing project, the fear that I wont do a good job for my OB&D project(hence letting everyone down), the notes i have to do for OB&D thats due 2 weeks ago (sorry, hanwei!), the bitchiness i have been feeling and acting on recently and many many things.

i might just chiong all these in one-sitting. and get it out of my system.

so please excuse me if i am a little cranky, a little zombified and a little dead for the rest of the weeks.
@ 8:26 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

everyone says its sweet.

but to me. well, i dont really feel anything.

i smiled for awhile but the elation didnt last.
@ 2:11 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i need room to breathe. space to breathe.

i feel suffocated. help me. please.

notice: no-project-work-day for me will be on every Sunday and Tuesday. if absolutely necessary and urgent, please feel free to email me and i will respond to you asap since i am always online =) please understand. thanks.
@ 2:34 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

lai asked me, " shan..how do you know if you are in love with a guy?"

and i paused. then i told her the phrase i heard on class95,"its love when you want to spend almost all your time with a person but dont know why."

true huh?

when things are bad, i miss him. just like yesterday, i am yearning for him again. his shoulders. his arms. and his hands to hold.

he will be back on tuesday. i have no idea what i will do. talk to him? ignore him? i'll most probably be praying real hard that he will take the initiative to let me know that he is back.

but then again. he is not mine from the start. and why cant he be here last week when i was okay? but then again. i am happier because i felt free from him. why is it that hes the only one i want with me when i am sad?

on to another topic. i have this habit of capturing screen shots while watching gong. but no idea why. i detest the idea of people saying that thery will go and rewatch gong and learn from me and capture the screen shot. i hate that. dont you know you should ask if the person is alright? albeit capturing screen shots are common. but hello? i am the one who started it? at least be polite and ask. i dont know. thats what i always do. and thats what spp do.

i am protective of my personlity now. she fuckingly pouted at me throughout the whole meeting. i am like o.O what?! please, get that look off ur face. and shes becoming more like me. in subtle ways. using my catch phrase and when i say my colour of the week was brown guess what she wore? brown for the rest of the week too! and yes, we get that you are wearing slippers in formal. but do you have to repeat it so many times? ok, i am bitching again.

the ugly me is rearing its head. go back go back! please bring back the cheery me.

i dont wash my hands for no apparent reasons anymore. instead, i start eating. comfort eating. thats what i call it.
@ 11:45 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am a little messed up right now.

and i was wishing that you were here so badly last night. and i broke my own promise to myself. the promise that i wont miss you. but i did.

i guess, i am really going through another stage of metamorphosis. maybe.

i really dont know to describe this feeling.
@ 4:03 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

heres some stuff i found on postsecrets.com which pretty much sums up how i feel these days:

i'm just a bit messed up. a bit depressed. a bit confused. but i still laugh. i still live. its whats expected of me. and i am tired with doing whats expected of me. to be civil. polite. nice. when all i want to do is to be selfish. just for that short period of time. but i guess its not in my personality.

@ 2:21 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

everything i hear this phrase from the veronicas, i feel sad? this weird feeling will engulf me.

"..got to pick myself up. where do i start? cause i cant turn to you, when it all falls apart."
@ 5:53 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

"..being in love is when you want to spend all your time with a person but dont know why.."

"..when i'm with you, i'm close to tears. because you're always almost here.."

"..是我一直太懂事
任你自由地犯错
错到无法再让你
留在我的世界

是我选择了懂事
而你的回应是放纵
我会冷静看着你
离开我的世界.."
@ 12:00 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am having a migraine now. been a long time since i had one.

just finished bathing and suddenly, i feel like collapsing and sleep till i have had enough. but of course, i am not capable of doing that.

and whats making me tired is the prospect that my whole weekend is gone. it hasnt even start and its gone.

and its supposedly my 4 days weekend! but nope. its gone just like that *snaps fingers*

lets see.

saturday: marketing project meeting in the morning, shop for grams present with sis after that and then off to family gathering (what should i wear?)

sunday: mad rush of homework.

monday: 4hrs of train ride, 2 hrs of meeting, 3 hours of fixing the braces in *horrors* and then i will be in too much pain to do much.

tuesday: mad rush of homework again. since i know i can only finish stats on sunday. and mkting have 3 chapters to read this week. right?

see! then it will be wednesday. then thursday (OB presentation! *panic*). then friday (god knows what will be in plan for me the next weekend? more ob and mkting i predict). GONE!

not to mention banana ass will be back. and pms is here. damn.

of course, i have to give going to sivan's house for lunch on deepavali a miss ! URRRRRRGGGHH!!! i was so looking forward to that. i am so sorry! but please continue to work on our card for juan ok? =) i saw juan today at the business specialisation talk, we didnt talk, i just sms-ed her and then she turned. as usual, i waved in that craze method of mine at her and she smiled in that 'irritating' way of hers. no idea why. but that made me feel so much better. i love her =) but i dont think she knows it. hehes.

i miss my secondary school life. guides, councillors and PSLs. and i miss Mrs Ong! no idea why too. hahas. look what i found while digging out old bio notes for my brother (he did quite badly for end-of-year though but at least he was honest abt it) :
the plans my horny dynasty came up with for night games and activities for the council camp in 2002. we had ketchup, poles, fartspray and etc! i miss those days of planning fun activities =) not just boring meetings. hhahas. and even though the time pressure was gigantic, i never panic-ed. because i was in control, i know things will be done. not like now. everything is spinning out of control.

and beneath that was our sec4 CME project where we had to predict for one classmate of ours on what we think the future job of the person will be. ade did mine. she predicted that i will be a psychologist, sales and marketing executive and credit controller =) the way she describes it made me smile. we used to be so close. memories are always nice, huh?

alrights. better go and welcome back my old pal --> Miss Migraine & Giddy-ness. *faints*
@ 11:21 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

it took me 3hrs to finish one disc of princess hours.

why?

cause i was doing 3M presentation stuff and then doing some disk cleanup.

i spent the first 2 hrs of my time attaching and sending last year GP's essay outlines, Geo stuff and Econs stuff to friends =) hope it helps, peeps! kambatae!!

i'm tired as it is. tooth aching again~! lack of sleep, thats why!!
@ 10:23 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

"..u tink he's sweet because he's not most of the time.."

that from the mouth of the night time money changer i know from wholivesnearyou.com. i briefly mentioned that kevin was an asshole but he can be sweet at time and he said this. which makes sense. so hmm! thanks~!

and i want to say this. i want to keep my personality to myself. please dont think that i am "popular" among guys. and try to be like me. be it learning my catchphrase or anything. i am not. is this seriously the impression i give people?

sometimes, i do find getting along with guys easier. because they mean what they say and you dont run the risk that you might secretly offend them. cause when you offend, you see it! so yeah.

other than guys, it will be SPP. its so easy to get along with them. and well, if we offend each other, we say it out! and we mean what we say. like i am going to get a swatch for my birthday! and san is going to her bear! right? heheehs.

i thought getting rid of yunqi means i can be FREE to FLAUNT my personality (cause the JC-me was a very tone down, very sucky version). but NOOOOO! i get 2 yunqis! *faints*
@ 10:10 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i just found out that wholivesnearyou.com is a pretty good place to look for people to chat.

i just spent 3 hrs there msging people who lives near me. haha. quite fun actually.

he is online now. but we are not talking. haa. i can live without you.

kevin must die! (modification of john tucker must die!) lols!!
@ 2:00 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

A quiet rebellion? I am rebellious?

I discovered that the more I cant or are not allowed to do something, the more I will want to do it. For example, I have separators in my mouth which means I cant eat most stuff. But guess what? I finished a can of potato chips, half a tub of ice cream, 2 small cups of ice cream, a tiny box of cake, a bun and miscellaneous stuff since Friday. Goodness me. but maybe its comfort food.

And the more I am pressed to work, the more I yearn to watch princess hours. Hahas. But then again, it is REBELLIAN and ESCAPE in this case.

Haha. Amazing.

I think I am going to be the first person who gets fat when she has braces! I can hear all my friends rejoicing and jumping for joy! lols. lets hear that rejoicing again! =P

on another note. its getting scary how one of my friends is becoming more like me. i dont know if its deliberately copying or unknowingly. but it scares me.its like the whole JC thing all over again. fuck. cant i just keep my own individuality to MYSELF? hahas. okok, i must feel honoured. hahas. long story.

AND! i am behaving more like a mix of my besties. lai and san. tian ah. help~! hahas. (T_T)
@ 7:41 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

so many people/couples are breaking up around me. are relationships really dependent on how long your honeymoon period can last? thats gotta suck.

or does it revolve around chemistry. the theory that 2 people will match and cause a reaction that will last at most 7 years?

gosh. it REALLY makes me think twice about relationships. i think i am reverting back to SINGLE AND HAPPY! joining lai and sivan in their idealogy. falling in love in sweet. but its the getting out of love part thats sucky.

and thanks, weijie =) i didnt know you read my blog! and as you said *horrors* but no worries, i am OKAY! hahas. as always!
@ 4:06 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

time for a daily dosage of princess hours!

my favorite scene from today is:



tada! when he tried to put his arm around her to keep her warm~! love that scene. hmms..

this show reminds me that he is everything that i dont want in a boyfriend! other than that he is tanned. but thats all. period. him as in banana ass.
@ 1:57 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

ok, lets back things up a little.

i am not targeting anyone in specific. when i say, you, i dont mean any one in particular. its always general not specific. i dont do personal attack. not my style.

and please, lets not chalk all these anger up to pms. because there are sufficient reasons for me to be pissed. and when i have pms, i cry. not roar. period. no punt intended.

and to you. you are not the only who do things to hurt themselves when they are stress. i do that too. and mine are pretty bad. my parents actually considered bringing me to the doctor becuase i was too scary. too destructive to myself.

and you should learn to deal with stress. not me. i have learnt and this is how i deal with it.

look on the bright side. at least you have done your notes. i am still stuck on my first set for that one topic. my ob is going nowhere. and i have to work with a bitch. haa. and we know who that is right?:)

and its my blog. i write things i want. i have experienced the backlash last year from talking bad about my friend. but what i learn was. this is my way of dealing with things. no matter how many times i trash it out with people, i dont feel good. i have to blog about it. and like i said. its my blog, people can CHOOSE not to read it. so i dont care. stop implying that i am IMMATURE by saying "..dealing with it in a mature way.." because i am sick of being mature. being rationalistics with my feelings. its time i let myself out.

and i still love you guys =) i am ok, really! no hard feelings. i needed to rant thats all. and usually its rant to the asshole. but since he pissed me off and he is not around anymore, i rant.

on a lighter note, heres my outfit for friday!!
can u see that i just woke up? lols. yups. took this when i woke up this morning. tian ah. sleepy head and all. hows it?=)
@ 9:01 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

do you know what its like when the first and last thing you see before you sleep is sms-es or msn conversation about projects?

i do. every night, before i fall asleep or shut down my computer, the last msn window is from project grp mates who are asking me, "so whats up with our project?". then the very next morning, when i wake up, there will 2 or 5 msgs from my project grp mates asking me "how?! what are we going to do? i have this great idea!!".

its different from when you think about the project voluntarily. but its not when you are forced to. my brain is barely working and i get bombed with all these questions. theres an over-reliance on me, is there? for both marketing and OB&D? yes, i know i am the leader for marketing but please! i dont get extra credits for this. if you think your lfe is hard now, shall we trade place?

this is a final call for some understanding. stop bombarding with sms-es! if you've got a new idea/suggestion for the project, do this--> 1) type out a sms about ur idea 2) send it out to ALL members from our group 3) wait for them to reply to you 4)sms us the results of the response to ur idea. ok?

i think it is a better way.takes the workload off of me by an itsy bitsy bit. and if you think by sms-ing first, you will get an alliance to support ur idea, u are wrong. cause i DONT TAKE SIDES. get it?

and stop with the crap of, "haiyo, you shouldnt be doing the editing for us!" or "we will do our best! just tell us what to do?!" because we all know how that will turn out. i will be more pissed and disappointed when you guys send me your part. get it? and you, please stop making things difficult for me. dont act as if you are a team player when you are not.

i probably pissed a whole lotsa people with this entry. what can i say? but i am sorry. i cant keep it inside of me anymore. because when i woke up last night and saw the sms-es, i cried. i burst out crying. i felt a heavy weight pressing upon me. and i flung my hp away from me. yes, thats how bad this has become.

do you understand me? can you feel what i feel?
@ 2:49 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

that fucking comment.

i totally dont miss him. in fact, i want to hurt him.

10 days to come up with a good solid plan to let him know how much i detest it. anyone wants to help?

oh and by the way, babe? stop deceiving urself! u are such a fucking player! flirt! asshole! or whatever u call people of your kind.

and gurls, when hes back, if i ever get gooey again. just ask me to go to myspace.com and remind of that picture and comment!

thanks!

you are not worth my tears. nor my thought space.
@ 3:41 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am starting to see a pattern.

having seen 3 series of korean drama recently (finished 2 and 1 still ongoing), that the current trend is an arranged/contract marriage! girl and guy get married then girl falls in love with guy. then guy gradually falls in love with girl too. oh, and there will always be this bitch whom the guy will love first. and there then will also be this lovely sweet guy who secretly loves the girl. hahas. but generally in the end, girl and guy will live happily ever after.

i wonder what happen to girl and guy fall in love, then one of them falls seriously sick (usually with cancer of the blood)..hmmss. hahas.

i did nothing but sleep and watch vcds the whole day. i am at disc 9 now. hanwei!! next week die die must watch princess hours k? very funny de. especially when he goes to her house. heres my favorite picture:

so sweet~! hahas. it gives me a comforting feeling for some reasons. maybe cause he did that to me once. and almost choked me to death!!! lols.

oh wells. hahas. but i was thinking, from a 3rd party point of view, the r/s between the prince and the girl or between rain and song hui qiao or kim sam soon and that guy, may be sweet cause the guys are all so macho macho but secretly sweet. but if i am the girl, in those kinda r/s,i will probably go stir crazy and the guy will probably die from multiple injuries cause i will kick and pinch him everytime he does something that irks me. lols. ok, its late. i am off to bed. or maybe another episode =X

@ 2:57 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

this habit of putting "s" after every sentences is getting really noticable.

WeiJie my OB&D group mate actually noticed it and "teased" me. lols.

on another topic.

and i miss you. the hardest part is yet to come. shows how much i really liked you huhs?
@ 10:44 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i dreamt that you were online.

and things were ok between us.
@ 3:32 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

my tooth is starting to ache again. damn. the painkillers are wearing off. but nvm, at least its friday today. so i can bear with the pain. NO PAINKILLERS! hahas.

i just realised i accidentally set my phone's camera such that it takes TINY pictures!! i can actually make it bigger!! -____- darn! hahas. but no worries, all are working properly now =)

been a hellish kinda week. i was mean mean mean mean mean. thats all i can say. i was unreasonable to my family, and well, just snappish with my friends. so, gomeinasai. i guess, instead of a major eruption, i am letting all that anger out in small doses. hmm~i no longer care about team cohesion anymore. cause in most of my projects, we are pressed for time! and well, apparently, no one notices the urgency. well, maybe they do. but they are just a bit more laid back then i am?

been thinking a little. after watching "Full House", this question popped into my mind. if someday, you are able to get the thing that you had wanted for a long time but, in order to get it, you have to let go of the thing most precious to you in that moment? which would you choose? which you take THAT something you wanted for a long time, just for the sake of it? or would you choose to hold on to the precious thing? confused? asked me when you meet me =) i'll explain more clearly. hees. me? i have no idea which i will choose. *sigh*

learning to live without him. i will make it!

i had seperators put into my mouth. pain~! the pain was so bad in the morning that i couldnt speak without cringing. hahas.. so i decided to take the painkillers after lunch (strawberry sundae, fries, milo). the pain eased away and i was able to have lasagne and chocolate cake for dinner with the gang at PS Secret Recipe =) all of them were shocked to see me eating SOOOOO much. hahas. i guess, without the pain, and with good company (people whom i feel happy and secured with) who made me laugh and laugh and laugh, my apetite just increased =) i love you, SPP! and like san said, " i am pretty happy that the 5 of us are still together after 3 years!" hees. lets stay together until we grow old and have rotting yellow teeth ok?! =) love you, babes!

and of course, naturally, we took a few photos. heres a summary:

a beautiful ending to a totally awful week. =)

i realised one other thing. every week, i am the worst on thursday! i am cranky, tired, running low on +ve thoughts and everything else. so i guess, i must learn to pace myself=) so that i wont burn out every thursday =) jiayou! hees.

alrights, better go. i shall enjoy my friday night.and its semi-work on saturdays and sundays. full-fledged day on mondays =) JIAYOU!!!!!

@ 11:08 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

so many things i want to say to so many different people.

but so many things i cant say.

the question, " i am giving my best in my project. are you?"

her comment pisses the hell outta me this afternoon. if you are so fucking great, try and conduct the meeting fucking meeting. and see if you can end it as quickly as i did.

to quote the phrase from "London Bridge" by Fergie.."..fuck you, bitches.."

in this case, bitches does not ONLY refer to girls. and i am not only talking about school.

thank you for ur trust in me, han wei and kar leng =)
@ 2:42 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i never told you that i saw that fire in kranji that day.

i never told you about the dvd i watched the other day.

i never told you how much i look forward to talking to you everyday.

i never told you how much it pisses me off when you come online and never come and talk to me.

i never told you how sad i was about it.

i never told you that you are the only thing keeping me saint and happy.

i never told you how much i liked your arms around me.

most importantly, i never told you i liked you.

and now, i'll have to learn to let you go. 12 days. and i know, you'll let me go. you are already doing that.
@ 9:11 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

so here i am. up since 11.30 with a half hour nap in the mid-afternoons.

i have finished studying the chapters required for the Stats quiz tomorrow. LDMR as usual. first chapter done with precise analysing and so on so forth.

just finished thinking about the Agendas for both OB and Marketing Meeting tomorrow. I know it will be useless but AT LEAST theres a rough outlie for us to follow. stress~ especially for OB. *looks at elmo organiser and shakes head*

what can i say? but.. GO GO JIAYOU!!!!
@ 9:40 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

while listening to "原点" i realised that the saddest thing is..

not when the person you like doesnt like you back.

but when that person feels sorry that he doesnt like.

dont give me that kinda shit.
@ 10:15 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i will listen more to "美丽笨女人" to remind myself.

damn. just when i thought i am finally free from him. i experienced a bad day and he was there. shit shit shit. and theres that testi. it woke me up sia. *slaps self* dont fall back in, you lousy woman!
@ 4:28 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

o1. Pick your birth month.
o2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
o3. Bold the five-ten that best apply to you.
o4. Copy to your own blog

.December: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant.Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
*muacks*
@ 1:02 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am so in love with the maldives.

my future honeymoon destination =) and its not with banana ass. i am not going with you. hees.

@ 3:19 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i never thought i would say this but..

thanks, degen! thanks for letting me rant and rant. hees.
@ 9:14 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

as i told faith in my tagboard, we didnt talk at all yesterday.

which is a good thing. it made me realise that i am not that attached to him anymore. so i can probably survive when he is away on hols or when we finally stop run out of topic to say.

i was pretty distracted during our marketing project meeting yesterday. pretty rude too. cause i didnt pay attention when the others were presenting. hmm. gomeinasai neh!

on the lighter side, me and han was talking abt pms last night. girl, you ARE normal. hahas. my pms are almost always bad. with lots and lots of mood swings! hahas. so no worries=)

last slacking weekend. loads of vcd and dvd to watch! lols. han, you better enjoy urs too!
@ 3:02 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i shouldnt be awake at this hour. but i am.

i told mad today that the relationship between me and him is no longer complicated. i have come to the conclusion that we are only friends. and thats all we'll ever be. we are just each other de babe. thats all. nothing else.

nice of him to call me to check up on me cause i sounded real stress when i sms-ed in the afternoon.

and nice of him to pei me till i finish my project now even though he is tired and he has an interview tomorrow.

thanks babe! u banana ass!
@ 2:47 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i did my marketing editing till 4+ last night.

a little pissed. cause of the same reasons.

but karleng keep saying thank you. hahas.

as long as i feel appreciated i dont really mind, i guess.

i havent do my part yet. die.
@ 10:23 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

"美丽笨女人" is the best "advice" anyone can give me.

and so, thanks mad! thanks hanwei!

its been replaying and replaying on my baobei. it gives me a feeling thats hard to describe.
@ 3:33 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

keep forgetting to blog about all these.

on the last marketing lecture, me, shu hui and hanwei were so bored that we started passing notes to each other=) well, i started it though. but we managed to fill up 2 A4 size papers (cut into 12 little squares) in the 1.5hrs of tutorials =) i really love them! cause whens the last time i passed notes to people in class? probably back in primary school!

and i must really say, i'm glad i got to know hanwei!

what can i do without you? lols. this poor girl been listening to me rant about me and that banana ass or any random stuff in school. and THEN bombarded with my sms-es almost every single day during term break. wo ai ni, woman! lols. and i am glad we are most probably gonna minor in the same thing together next sem!

and of course, i love marketing project group too k?! i didnt forget the rest of you! look how much fun we had in town last sat albeit its doing the boring 3M case study.

oh yeah. and i love lai toos! met up with her last friday and yesterday for "John Tucker Must Die" (hilarious movie btw!)

shes been dishing me with little information and tips about braces. hahas. warning me about this and that. love her toos=)

and of course theres san. i didnt get to meet her but she still manage to brighten up my life by a simple phonecall. so, heres a really old picture of the both of us.

well, old as in before i permed my hair. hahas. this woman called and asked me how to factorise an algebra equation using the cross bar thing. lols. and we had quite a laugh. we gossiped for a little while and hung up. but that phonecall really made me smile=)

when i am around them, nothing else seems to matter. i dont even think about that banana ass. who needs him with all these jie meis around me? but at the same time, it serves to remind me that along the way i have lost some other friends who used to have the same effect on my day just by one simple phonecall or sms. now, they dont even send a sms. its sad. but i am thankful that these people hung around =) i love you, gurlies!

@ 3:00 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i hate my mum.

i hate her for saying, " no money le. still go watch movie."

i hate her for trying to restrict me from having a life. i dont see her doing that to my brother or sister. my brother even went KTV-ing on a weekend.

its not my fault that the bloody uni fees is damn high.

i'm sorry i even got into university.

and i'm speding my money anyway. i dont ask them from you. you think 30 bucks a week is enough? you can keep on dreaming.

i hate her.
@ 1:58 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

and as usual, i dont stay angry long enough. i never do.

i didnt do our usual good night "ritual" tonight. but he did. it used to be the other way round. maybe cause he knows i am/was mad at him.

and that banana ass. dont want to come out say dont want lahs. arse!

he says not all his friends are free to go out with him o.O he should look at me! NONE of my friends are free to go out with me! at least he can find someone to have dinner with every night! me? i'll be lucky if i see mine once every 2 months. haas. i miss you guys!
@ 3:13 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

had a minor explosion in his face.

i just got pissed with him for ALWAYS going offline in the midst of our conversation without any explanation. and he will always come back and pretend nothing was wrong.

i blew up.

and this is the first time i actually blew up at anyone in a long time.

take that u asshole.
@ 1:06 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.