time adds fluff to memory(:

whee~ more unexpected people are visiting my blog! a once off thing maybe. but i am happy happy happy(: i miss ling and juan(: and when i think of them, somehow or another i think of council. happy~

eh..i "joshua joshua"-ed joshua yesterday. but he was asleep. so i havent asked him some stuff about the council gathering. i think the juniors are having attachment? hmms. shall "joshua joshua" him again.

am i neglecting my PSL family? o.O

I GOT AN A+! for my accounting excel quiz! i thought i was going to flunk.but A+!! my first ever in NTU. lalala~ *prances around room* and my class participation is A-. so if i dont screw up my paper too bad, an A shouldnt be a problem? *fingers cross* a B+ would be good too(:

was feeling pretty emo just now. shoo, emo monster. shoo! i guess i am just feeling kind of "lonely" (no, not in the relationship kind of way). just that, it's my holiday! but my girls are all working people now. and bestie is having exams till the 4th and her school starts the week after. so i am like left with ZERO dates. kind of. oh wells! books will have to do(: kind of. hey you! yeah you! if you are feeling bored, go out with me! i have a list of places i want to go(:

and as desperate as this may sound! i am looking for dates for the afternoon of my birthday! hahas. i will most probably be having dinner with the gang at night(: so yes! LUNCH "DATE" anyone?(:

okok. i was looking through my pictures (or whats left of it after the reformatting) and some "idea" struck. i wanted to use picassa. but it got on nerves. so off to fireworks. and the result!

yesyes. both events are EONS AGO. but they are nice memories(: if you havent realised, i am a picture-ist kind of person. it doesnt matter how long ago the event was. just by looking at the pictures and everything will zoom back to me like it happened yesterday(: nice nice. and you do know, time adds fluff to memories! so nice memories will become nicer and so on.

emo thought of the day:
it feels like i have fat flitting needles jabbing at me. pain in small doses. never piercing the skin.

okok. off to bed(:

i hope that each minute would put some much-needed distance between you and the pain.

@ 3:10 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

walls mini-popper vanilla is not nice. DONT TRY! all i can taste is the nuts. *shudders*

first day of nuar-ing at home(: and boredom is settling in. hahas.

right, more later. my mum needs someone to pass her the hammer and thumbtacks.

@ 5:40 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am turning 20 in 12 days. help!!

it's not unusual to hear me asking you that. if you havent hear that phrase before, it's probably because i havent gotten round to asking it. stay tune!

the standard reply i get to the question? "hello? i am turning 21 soon!" hahas.

oh wells. this is the first draft of the invitation card for my council gathering:

yes. joshua bullied me successfully. even though i am his SENIOR. hahas.

i was brushing my teeth just now and suddenly, i remembered how my juniors like to bully me. it started off by them calling me, "白痴" (thanks to my senior tungtat). then they started teasing me about how SHORT i am (when they are not that tall!). tsk tsk. and they start messing up my hair (joshua is still doing that!). whenever i say, " i am your senior eh!" they will reply, "so? you are only a few months older than us. 4 months only what!" hahas. despite everything i love my juniors(: i love my council board(: the dynamic we had. the whole togetherness(:

where can i find all that now? *shrugs*

i found some christmas songs in my discs. theres "All I Want For Christmas" , "Last Christmas (I Gave You My Heart)" and "White Christmas" . nice(: i was playing it in my room and my dad started singing in the living room. hahas. i love love christmas(:

i love love new year's eve too(: the whole, "omg. it's a new year! i hope something good happens this time!".

heyhey. it's too early to think that far ahead! right?

how will my birthday be spent this year? my christmas? my new year's eve? still holding to the same hope every year. hoping that it's with someone who can make me smile. doesnt have to be anyone special. i guess. oh wells.

oh yeah! my neighbor wanted to go into my dad shop to buy something. so he HANDED me the leash to his dog. and well, i just let the dog walked around and it PEE-ED! urgh. hahas. and i didnt know what to call it. so i said, "no, baby. no! dont pee here." hahas. and it keeps walking around! so i keep saying, "baby. stay. please stay. baby. hello?!!" hahas. and it practically dragged me along when it wanted to walk. fwaaah! anyway, the dog DONT HAVE A NAME. they have 2 dogs. and they dont have a name! so i am going to call the small chubby guai one , WHEEZY. because it's super cute. will run and cough at the same time. kawaii~ the one that i had to hold on to today? i will call him SPOKEY. just because he is cute. i love dogs(:

last christmas i gave you my heart. the very next day. you gave it away.

@ 3:07 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

my brother has gone for some chalet. which means, i practically have the whole house to myself(: BLISS! well, bliss until boredom and restless-ness sets in. hees.

i have a BALUKU on my head! *rubs*

this is how ojiisan talks to me (when he does talk to me on msn). "shaaaannnnn, what happened to your headddd?" he likes to put multiple number of the last alphabet-.- it's okay. i understand. old people talks like that. wahahahaha.

oh yeah. my parents were watching the last episode of their show in their room just now. so while i was bathing in their bathroom, i was wondering why they dont want to move out to the living room and watch the BIG TV. so when i am done bathing, before i can ask, BOTH of them rushed out of the room and said, "快点快点，我们去外面看大的!" and my mum just hugged the bolster and ran out while my dad just ditched his bills on the table and scooted. it was funny!

facial was nice(: the dye hair not that nice. i am BRUNETTE now. no trace of black can? *depressed* i look ugly!!!! and my hair stinks of that herbal smell. *shrugs* herbal dye-ing is suppose to be good for your hair. so hmmms.

i really like the “ 需要你的爱 ” mtv(: always so sweet and sad. and the lyrics. *sigh* oh wells!

i heard "You are the Music in Me" on the radio while bathing and i started singing. now it's stuck in my head!

when i hear my favorite song. i know that we belong. you are the music in me.

@ 11:05 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

town with ber(:

the lights are really pretty! espcially the ones at tangs(: but that woman ah. haiyo! hahas. i want to go back for a proper look! with my camera! anyone?

my eyes are itchy. itchy itchy scratchy scratchy up and down my backside. okay, no link!

re-dyeing my hair tomorrow. then facial. then i have to return the graphic calculator (which saved my ass during BF212 exam). then nail polish~ i think.

bestie is super high tonight? it's like 3 in the morning and she is HIGH. shes never like that! hmm. bestie, bestie! hurry up and finish your exams already! i havent seen you in months:(

the moon is really pretty tonight. the clouds around it and MY STAR (the gold one!) right above it. hees(: i want to go star-gazing!

everybody needs a little loving, everybody needs somebody thinking of them.

@ 2:50 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

angry?

my mum was making lei cha. the traditional hakka dish. so at the very last stage, you have to made the soup which involves a lot of thing and one of it is mixing the ingredients in a clay pot and you are suppose to mash them up.

requires alot of strength. and guess what? my sister and brother just sat there happily in the living room NOT helping my mum. and she cant use too much strength can? ANGRY.

thank goodness i woke up in time to help.

@ 1:55 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

hello hello(: it's me!

last paper today(: i was super slack during the paper! when the examiner said, "you can turn over the paper now." i took out my new box of lime mentos and very calmly unwrapped it, stuffed two of them in my mouth and slowly turn over the paper. and halfway into the paper, i wrote down lyrics-.- so while everyone was scribbling frantically, i hummed to myself and scribble down lyrics to 三个心愿。oh wells.

after the paper, home-bound! since scotchey is still having her exams (JIAYOU!!!) and the girls are all working:( so yeah.

but! when i reached home, i didnt sleep! i cleaned up my room. i cleared away all the notes and textbook. wiped my table and cupboard tops. so after 13 weeks of school and 2 weeks of intense battle...

hees(: so after i cleared my desk, i decided to sort out the junk in my bedside drawer. and i found REALLY old things. but these two are worth a mention(:

yes! i still have my sec2 literature notes! and these notes are done by all of us(: each group were assigned to one question and they are suppose to work on it and then photocopy it for everyone else(:

knocked my head.

so i was sitting on the floor and when i stood up, i banged right into my cupboard door.

so now i am having a freaking headache. and feeling a bit giddy. hopefully it's not big deal. eeeps.

the DRAGONFLY (some of you might already know)

so as i was packing away happily, i heard buzzing sound coming from the window. i thought it was a beetle. but i was WRONG! it's a freaking DRAGONFLY. and i live on the 8th floor! so why me?

i have a mosquito net over my window. so i thought it would just fly against the net and give up after awhile. i was WRONG. so i took baygon and started spraying it. i even TALK to it. telling that it has got the wrong direction and it should fly away.

but its STUPID. it keep trying and trying and then BINGO! it flew in and started flying around my room like it's some plane during NDP. buzzing and buzzing. i grabbed my phone and ran out, shouting, "it got in it got in!" but no one was home!!!! :(

so for the next hour, i sat outside my room, screaming everytime it flies. and after awhile, the dragonfly stopped flying and dropped down to the floor. fluttering every now and then. i think it was the baygon? i dont know.

i waited until my mum came home to clear it away. my mum "scolded" me! she said, "you very bad lehs. kill a dragonfly. it's so ke lian now!" omg. now i feel so bad:( i have to stop thinking about it. if not i am going to end up crying. tian ah. how weak can i get?

i can deal with the shitty stuff that happened to me. the scars and everything. but just because of a dragonfly, i feel like crying? craps.

blue? black? blue-black!!

really careless these days. first, i walked into a CHAIR on my way out to the kitchen. then when i want to go back to my room, i walked into it AGAIN. and i walked into the door. GAH! result? the blue black on the left.

then while doing accounting paper on friday, i wanted to fold my legs! but *KABOOM* i knocked my knees against the freaking table. i went *ouch!* pretty loudly. lols. the result? the blueblack on the right.

concluding remark?

so yes, i cleaned my room. changed my bedsheets and now, i think i am going to bed. tired *yawns* a parting picture?

i need your hugs.

狠狠地把心痛了断. 深深地把一切重来.
我需要你的爱像掉进了深海.
也像坠落悬崖找不到地方可以逃开.
别让那些谎言把爱给活埋.

@ 12:48 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

guys are freaking rude. oh, tell me something new, shan.

i spilled my whole bottle of purple nail polish while helping my sister paint her nails.

i have 6 hours of sleep. yikes.

@ 3:44 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

my guess was right. oh wells. why arent i surprise?

幸福的女人。 i am not. well, not in the usual way.

but i am 幸福 because even though i have a miserable number of friends, but they are all close to me(: and i know if i anything happens, they will be there(: and of course, if i ever do get attached, my poor boyfriend will be under lots of pressure. hahas. it's "dont bully her. or else!", right, peeps? (:

maybe i am content with my miserable number of friends. maybe thats why i find it so tiring to actually try and maintain new friendships. to slowly "brew" it to the point where you feel really comfortable with each other. and seriously, can you find such people in uni? i really doubt so. in uni, you are judged based on FUTURE VALUE. so yeah. but i am glad i found scotchey(: thank goodness. without her, i think i will probably have a lonely lonely uni life(: ai ni o~

juan told me this last year, "shan, 你要知足。" and it has kind of popped up in my head today. maybe thats why the little emo monsters are gone. for now. i am happy with my friends. happy that my mum is alright. my grams is healthy. despite being poor like nobody's business, my quirky family is functioning in it's quirky way. the only thing that i am unhappy with? well, it's been with me for almost 20 years. so i am just going to sweep it under the carpet for now. single? i can handle! *fingers crossed* it will come when it comes right?(:

things i want to do in december will be up soon(: and lots of invitation cards are going to be sent out. all for different events and different group of people(:

and stats is for patient people. am i one of them? HAA! you got to be kidding me!

当你选择了云的距离. 就这么自私做个决定.
或许你以为把这一座城市抛开. 就可以纠结伤害.
我会用眼泪洗去所有的不堪. 狠狠地把心痛了断.

@ 1:40 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

*sarcastic* haha. very funny, professor.

@ 1:14 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

whee~ i got friendster testimonial from juan, ling, gaya and cyn((: somehow it just makes me smile(: the simplest things make me smile huh? oh wells.

i was rude to my mum just now:( sorry! but it's because of that sucky sucky HP102! all the statistics were giving me a headache and then my mum came in and asked what i wanted to eat. and she keeps asking and asking (even though i have replied her!). so i kind of erupted? *sigh* DIE, STATISTIC METHOD! DIE *stabs* if you think i am going to take a higher level of stats for psychology, you must be mad. gila. suku. shen jing bing!

i love my new ringtoneS. notice the "s" (: it's 大男人.小女孩 and 三个心愿! i cant decide which one to put! hees. BEWARE! i might just ask you to call me so i can listen to my ringtone((:

my sister's friend is getting married tomorrow. omg! so exciting! she's the same age as my sister. so that makes her 23! wow! hahas. my sister just called to ask me to wait up for her so i can help her apply nail polish-.- my sister and nail polish? *laughs hard* thats totally not her! but she's the "jie-meis" so i guess she have to? -.- hahas. i heard theres wasabi tang yuan. eeks!

anyways, this "cheer" is stuck in my head. and all because of what scotchey said about burning down some professor's office. "cheer" was taught by dowell (everyone still remember him?) during my first council camp!

Deck the school with balls of fire.
Fa-la-la-la-la. La-la-la-la.
Strike a match and throw it in.
Fa-la-la-la-la. La-la-la-la.
Watch the school burn down to ashes.
Fa-la-la. La-la-la. La-la-la.
We don't have to school now.
La-la-la-la-la. La-la-la-la.
(Sing to the tune of "Deck the Halls")

back to more psycho stats!

心中的无奈谁能安慰？

@ 11:22 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am freaking tired. but two more chapters to go before i complete thalia's part of HP102. and it's the 2 chapters that i dread the most! multi-group experiment and factorial design. shit.

and i have to do wan ching's part tomorrow. which is STATS. fuck. pardon the language.

JIAYOU(:

what happens when the pain gets too much? and you cant cry? do you bring the pain out? use a measure for the pain construct (VERY weak attempt at a joke)?

nopes. i am not going to cut myself! i am not SUICIDAL. and i am against it with all my heart and soul. i'm just wondering. just thinking. because as soon as studying leaves me to my own device, HAA! it's PARTY TIME for the diggers in me. they are going to start unearthing things that are buried. SHUCKS!

whatever. 2 more chapters! let it bury my pain. for now.

oh yeah. received a message in myspace.com. this person actually said that my blog there is very insightful. haa. i guess it's kind of true? i blog more "personal" stuff there. because of anonymity. hello?!! HP102 at work here. but yeah. i just shoot what i feel there? and of course, i can blog about crushes and my view on r/s (which is really sucky) there since no one knows who i'm talking about. *shrugs*

juan! you forgot to mention that we shitted without closing the door too! :X and this time, i am not going to cry when we are going to get out of the lousy sampan/boat. so you all wont get huge blue-blacks on your legs from jumping off the boat to show me how shallow the water is! promise!

心里的无奈也需要点关怀。而怀念的是被感动的感觉。

@ 2:20 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

福满人间 is really nice(: i almost cried during some part of the show today. aww~

i realised that whenever i want to cry, this thought will appear in my head, "why are you crying? what for? stop it!" it doesnt even matter that i have a reasonable reason to cry. big girls dont cry?

back to perlini? twice a week? they are pushing me for schedule again. help.

i dont want to let go.

@ 5:48 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

这一次我选择了放弃。

@ 12:41 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i keep forgetting to blog about this.

what's the one thing that will make you fall?

i was asking cynthia about that on the way to sivan's place during deepavali.

because you see, in Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts's character refused to kiss her clients. because she said, kissing is the easiest way to fall for someone. so i wondered if it's the same for everyone?

cyn said it's kissing for her too. hmmm.

for me, i guess it's the name calling and holding hands. calling me things like "dear" makes me warm up to you almost instantly. not fall in love. but it just brings down my wall. let's not even go into holding hands. of course, the circumstances where the name calling and holding hands take place matters too.

so what is it for you?
--

zongfu finished his exams. i am like o.O waaaaahhh. even the accounting people have finished their papers! which mean ojiisan probably finished his and my "good luck" message was probably useless -.-

abner still has some double spec to go. eh! i like his nickname. forever funny. his sub-nick now:

"..lets play AC208 online! catch it at www.evenmoretabaomodules.com/AC208thegame.html.. "

nice "catching up" with them. well, kinda. lols.

sometimes, you can have a million hugs. but all you want is just that one hug and everything will feel okay.

@ 3:06 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

trust elmo to make me lauhg. always so cute(:

can we not discuss it? because elmo lives on sesame street. and elmo is a cute monster!(:

rove: you are looking good in your suit!
elmo: hubba hubba!

rove: do sesame street have a gym?
elmo: we dont have a budget like this show!!

@ 12:54 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

a long entry. so just choose the section that you like(: but the "important" one is the last part?

AA102 paper
it was a fairly do-able paper. if given enough time. just like BF212, i guess. but i wont score well. anyways, i had a major deja vu while doing question 3. i dreamt of that scene. same question, same place, same weather. hmm. if only i had known! -.- one more paper! (:

baggy clothes?
i have to say, this year is the year of the racerbacks for me. ever since i got them from pull and bear, i have been wearing them almost everyday, everywhere.

i have no idea why. maybe i think i am getting fat? maybe i am being influenced? tsktsk. but today, i was digging through my wardrobe for some bigger tops. maybe not baggy. but less "figure-hugging" than my usual one. couldn't find one! i have worn my nbs senior camp shirt and my heart-2-heart shirt yesterday. so it's racerbacks again. eh! i need more camp shirts. or slightly bigger ones!

baby(:
on the bus home, a baby sat next to me(: i stuck my tongue out at him and he did the same. i did another funny face and he copied it! CUTE(: and when i open my hands, he will place his tiny tiny hands on mine and start pinching me. awwww~ and he said, "bye bye" to me! i gave him a hand-kiss (pan kiss?o.O) and he gave me 2! ((: i cant imagine why some people dont like babies. hmm.

gramps(:
i saw my grams today after a week! okay, she kind of "teared" up when she saw me(: and she *pats pats* me on my back(: it's just like my first week in hall. when i came back after a week, she ran out of the shop to *pat pat* me(: i love my grams(:

i miss my grandpa too. i can just imagine the look on his face if i tell him that i am in university now. i am a second year student now. that despite not having the financial capability, i did it(: i shall tell him next time i go to the garden of remembrance(:

joanne and the slacker.
the slacker went to pick up our accounting report without telling us. and the he went to sms yiling and asked if we wanted the report. and guess what joanne did? she asked him to MAIL her the report. waaaahhahaha. i like(:

beautiful girls ringtone.
it's everywhere! i was on the train and 2 out of 7 times when a phone rings, the ringtone is that song. gosh.

a moment of emo that is true.
if i get a dollar everytime i get a promise of a hug, i will be rich. and if i lose a dollar for every promise that actually becomes a real hug, i will still be very rich. so save me the trouble and stop promising me hugs, peeps.

okay, thats probably not true. the dont promise me hugs/give me virtual hug part. but i dont know. it's nice when people promises hugs/gives me virtual hugs, but it gets to this point whereby you REALLY need one and no one is ever going to give it to you? i dont know how to put it.

谁能了解我现在的心情？the need to hit. the need to lash out. the need to destroy. the need to hurt. the need to love. the need for to be hushed.

也许大男人真的很男人
少了点风度还是不承认
有时候错的并不知道错的
不想借口只是直接一天说
有时候女孩没那么小孩
心里的无奈也需要点关怀
遗憾的遗留变成勉强了
怎么能重新再来

- 大男人.小女孩 by 林俊杰

就是拉不到你的手
因为我活在西界
只拥有半个白天
一到午后夜色就蔓延
虽然和你面对面
却看不到我的脸

- 西界 by 林俊杰

@ 8:32 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i need to head to bed soon if i want 8 hours of sleep.

whatever tomorrow brings, accounting is GOING TO DIE. *stabs* it is going to be violent. ugly. i am not going to give in. i can feel my hair turning white. and it's OBVIOUS. need to go for re-dye-ing after exams. *growls*

oh yeah. bestie (san) went to malaysia for her mlm thing and came back. glad that her parents allowed her to go(: hello?! everyone is going overseas! *cries* i also want. DEVIL SISTERS!!! anywhere but bring me out of singapore. no, sentosa is not counted. unless i get to stay in that really nice hotel>.<

and where's my trip to taman negara? i have been harping on it since summer. but then again, this is not a very good time to go ah. monsoon season and all. but i want to go back to taman! the canopy walk, the rapid shooting and hiking!! helloooooo?

stop whining, woman.

i've been doing that quite alot these days. just before my BF212 paper on tuesday, i was whining to scotchey over sms. lols. tian ah. NO! huishan do not whine. *shuts up*

exams ending in 3 days. but also no use! i have to wait for my friends to end! scotchey ends on the 30th and some other friends on the 29th? :(

scotchey? T3!!!!!!! die die also must go okay? (: ai ni o~

i wanna make you smile, whenever you are sad.

@ 3:06 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

MadTV.

Lost Spoof

Heroes Spoof

@ 2:36 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

my brother is having his prom tonight.

IT'S PROM. so it's expected that he will come home late. right?

but my sister keeps bugging me! she asked if she should call my brother. if my brother mentioned the time he is coming home or not. if he mentioned that he will be home late. blah blah blah.

and here i am trying to figure out CM ratio, standard costing and the whole junk.

RELAX, WOMAN! it's PROM!

@ 2:04 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

hello hello! i am online. i actually didnt switch on my lappy till now! a round of applause please. *claps*

woke up at 1230 today. bestie san messaged me! hahas. it's been EONS since she messaged me(: she asked me to JIAYOU! hees. maybe thats why i am slightly more motivated today?or maybe it's because i finally took out my diary and scribbled. hmmms.

my dad just bring in fruit juice that my mum made(: yums! if my mum keeps making fruit juice every day and my dad keeps bringing it to my room, i am going to be WAY pampered. hurhur. exam privilege eh? hees.

2 more papers and i am done(:

as the year draws to an end, i have yet to fulfilled my new year resolution. which is to pick up a skill! okok, if you count make-up as a skill then, yes, i know how. i need to learn to swim! or play tennis! or even rollerblade! teachers, anyone?

okok, better get back to accounting. GO GO JIAYOU!

你的微笑, 编织了每一个奇妙. as long as you are smiling(:

@ 10:21 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

okay. tired. unproductive. cognitive dissonance. cold weather. strees. makes me emo.

I WANT HUGS! (or new teddy bears that REALLY huggable. guys/people cant be trusted.)

oh wells. i finished what i am supposed to do. but somehow it feels so..not enough?

this is like the first exam that i feel so unmotivated throughout. i'm getting old?

bedtime. and work harder tomorrow.

all i need is to know it's for sure. then i'll give, all the love in the world.

@ 2:18 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

after exams, i am going to set up base camp in the living room. i have been cooped up in my room too much these days.

i am going to follow and bug my mum non-stop. spend more time in the shop talking to my dad and grams. these days, it's just a mere hello and bye. tsktsk.

and i am going to be nicer to my sister. because when she comes home these days, she will try and talk to me. me? i just ignore her. and then screamed at her. opps.

erm. my brother? things are still the same. he talks as and when he likes. which is usually when maple or dota is down. and he dont brush his teeth anymore! ohmygod.

oh yeah. my dad is sneaky. i left my pencil case in the living room last night. so he slipped a whistle into my pencil case. he's been trying to make me take it out cause of the old perverts downstairs. but i refused. so he slipped it into my pencil case-.- funny(:

爱情是享受。

@ 10:01 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

guess what i am watching on tv now?

yesyes. Barbie: The Island Princess.

i am suppose to be studying!!!

i am going to head to the library EARLY tomorrow. join me?

in all the books and poems that i have read, they all say that the heart is something to be shared.

@ 3:36 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

this is what i did after i came home. i rotted. period. this is bad considering that i still have accounting on friday. but i am so freaking tired today. so it wont hurt to rest a little? *fingers crossed* i shall work harder tomorrow(:

as exams is coming to an end, i have a mixed feeling. whats going to fill in the gap left behind by all that mugging? *sighs*

ohwells. CHRISTMAS SONGS!

my 2 of my all time favorite -

All I Want For Christmas (Is You)

White Christmas(:

i just want you for my own. more than you could ever know. make my wish come true.
baby, all i want for christmas is you.

@ 2:37 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i love maths(: okay, let me rephrase that. i love CALCULUS only. my paper didnt go as well as hoped. but! it was fairly easy if given the time to complete. sometimes, i really feel that i should have gone to NUS and major in maths. lols.

anyhows, songs that are on my constant replay. some are pretty old but i love old songs(:

F.I.R - 三个心愿

为什么为了小事就要掉眼泪. 好象有太多的事只能自己背. 其实只要你说一句ok. 现在就立刻马上变成你的superman.

Janet Jackson - Best Things in Life (Are Free)

sorry, you cant buy my kisses. open your heart and see, true love comes for free.
i'm keeping my heart open. hoping you won't stab me in it.

Christina Millan - AM to PM

you got the beats and breaks and your body shake, and we’re doing it all night long.

@ 6:37 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i walked into my room door. OUCH. nobody laughs!

i am in a tantrum kind of mood now. hello, mood swings! my mood is so bad now that kelvin just got snubbed by me. opps. it's okay. friends for 7 years, so he should know better.

my cramps are really horrible this month. it's the 4th day and they are still horrible :( and it's so bad that even MY DAD is concern!

mr ntu is good-looking. he is those kind of good-looking that grows on you? even my brother agrees. so thats something. AND! his answer to the question, "if you can be a woman for a day, what would you like to experience?" he said, "menses. cause i want to feel how painful cramps are." *swoons*

christmas lights in orchard are fantabulous(: a passing glimpse. but nice nice(: dad cant drive me through. so i guess i have to grab someone to walk the whole stretch of orchard with me? we'll see.

christmas christmas christmas. the season of snuggles and cuddles. the season where you wish you have someone. the season that i love and hate the most. will this year be different? oh wells.

i realised (since a very long time but i realised it again) that it's the littlest thing that matters the most in a relationship. for me, at least. it's the everyday thing. because, what does it mean when that someone is only nice/sweet to you on big events/days? if he treats you like shit everyday, then he is not worth it.

paper tomorrow. and i am freaking WORRIED. AHHH! i can do it. i can do it. it's MATHS! i am good at MATHS right? right? CONFIDENCE! never doubt yourself. everyone, please be prepared to receive a JOYOUS sms from me tomorrow after my maths paper(:

i shall read up some more on my maths. and then head to bed. WU HUISHAN! 加油！加油！加油!

it starts in my toes. make me crinkle my nose(:
do you understand what i need from you?

@ 12:39 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

no, you do not come near me. you do not even talk to me.

get. lost.

seriously, don't push your luck. i am being civil here. the good lucks and the take cares are fine.

you do not give me hugs. you do not try and make conversation. you no longer have the right to call me, "babe".

what? just because i dont like you now, i am suddenly very interesting? what?! just because you know i did what i did in summer, you are suddenly interested? what?! just because you are injured, you want me to soothe your fucking ego?

fuck. off. (sorry, scotchey. i know you hate the word. but that banana ass is PISSING me off).

我跟你不是很熟。

to all guys. i dont know what it is about me. but guys who always need someone to soothe their ego always come to me. they flirt, they practically treat me like their girlfriend. then when their ego is done, they dumped me. I WAS STUPID. I WAS DUMB. I FELL FOR IT 3 BLOODY TIMES. but this girl here, has had enough. i am not going to fall for it. and guess what? i am going to STEP ON YOUR EGO if i ever find out you are using me.

believe me, you dont want to see that side of me.

@ 12:10 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

sometimes it feels as if 公公 has left us for a very long time. but at the same time, it feels as if he never left. it's been a year and a half. i promised him that i wont cry. and till today, i am still keeping that promise. the last thing he saw before he entered the hospital was me brawling my guts out because of A's. i can still remember him rushing over from his seat and rubbing my back(:

could still remember that i was preparing for Perlini's annual sales at NAC when my mum called. and how joey came in and shoo-ed me home. she could tell i was trying not to cry. so she just told me to go home and not to worry about the sales.

all the way home, this song kept repeating:

"Brighten My Heart" by Sixpence None the Richer. not really my kind of song. but it stopped me from brawling. even when everyone was crying, i was there humming this song and telling myself i have to keep my promise. so yups.

no idea why this popped up. but yups. i was doing maths when these thoughts popped up. oh wells.

on to lighter stuff(:

in an attempt to get me to eat my lunch today, my mum switched on the tv and made loud exclamation about the show details. she is trying to lure me out to eat. but 老妈！ i dont like 金枕头. i will eat at 4.30 when 福满人间 is on!

anyways, note to self. must eat when mummy ask me to eat. cannot make her worry. she complained to my sister just now, "她读书读到不要吃饭了咯！头痛活该! " opps :S

oh wells. better go(:

kookaburra sits on the old gum treeee. merry merry king of the bush is heeee. laugh, kookaburra, laugh. kookaburra, gay your life must be(:

@ 2:39 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

this is how i woke up today:

jumped when i received the morning sms.

ignored it, dumped my pillows over my head and sleep.

jumped when my phone rang. before locating it at the foot of my bed.

hung up the phone. decided to go back to sleep. but didnt.

so...morning call worked!

I AM AWAKE!

i found my kokology book yesterday(: this test is quite "interesting":

You are in an old, abandoned building where no human has set foot for years and have discovered a staircase leading underground. Slowly, you made your down, counting the steps as you go. How many steps is it to the bottom?
The underground room is pitch black. Then, from the darkness you hear the sound of another person. Is the person weeping softly? Moaning wordlessly? Is it a voice speaking to you?
How do you react on hearing the sound of this other person? Do you try to search out the source? Is your first instinct to run up the stairs without looking back? Or are you paralysed with fear and frozen where you stand?
You hear a person now calling your name and see a figure descending from the light at the top of the stairs. Who is this person coming down the stairs?

message me if you want to know what does the answer to each question represent(: i love my kokology book(:

study study study!

"第一个心愿为你把幸福堆积. 天涯到海角头发到呼吸. 第二个心愿给你最好的自己. 再许个心愿我的爱把你占领..." - '三个心愿' by FIR.

@ 11:18 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the best way to get my parents to catch insects for me?

if it's my mother, i'll say, " MAAAAA!! help me catch! if not later, it flies into my room, i have to wake you up to catch for me!" . if it's my dad? in my best whiney voice, "LAO PA!!! *insert name of insect* "

even though they will still like to watch me try to "communicate" with the insect-.- so above method will only work after 10 minutes. lols.

在你这里得不到我要的，我就应该放弃吗？为什么那个人不是我？

@ 11:01 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i overslept. what else is new? *sigh*

my whole freaking body is aching like nobody's business. osim upapa was useless. my neck feels like it's going to snap anytime.

~~the first thing i thought of when i woke up~~ ok, the FOURTH thing that i thought of (the first few being, "STOP THAT HANDPHONE ALARM!") was wouldn't it be nice to have a hug now? but oh wells. no hugs today. or in the long run.

i want accounts receivable. i want repayments.

"我轻轻的尝一口. 这香浓的诱惑. 我喜欢的样子你都有.." - 甜甜的 by 周杰伦，

@ 12:45 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

on constant reply on my ipod(:

you give me feelins that i adore.it starts in my toes. make me crinkle my nose.
where ever it goes. i always know.that you make me smile.please stay for a while now.

@ 3:12 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i discovered something called, "digital scrapbooking".

dont tell my cousin. or she'll kill me! i still havent used the set of scrapbooking material she gave me 5 years ago-.-

but heres what i "did" (got it from deviantart and just paste the picture in):

@ 2:00 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

cramps! this is the worst time ever to have them. and since when are they significant enough to have me mention them? NEVER. urgh. i am either getting weaker or they are getting worse.

first paper today. BF215- Investment. everyone was comparing their answers after the paper. me? i came out of the hall, stuffed the paper in my bag and sms-ed(: scotchey said i sound happy and asked if the paper went well. hmm. okay lahs. within expectation. those questions that i am supposed to know how to do, i know. vice versa. and as usual, i dont like to let my paper affect my mood. whats done IS done(:

went mugging alone during the last 2 days leading up to the paper. quite nice(: i actually had to share a table with COUPLES. seriously, somethings never change. last year was the same and this year it's STILL the same. library = new dating place? whatever. i go, i sit, i mug. wahaahaa.

so when i am mugging alone in the library, i like to take picture in between chapters. here's some(:

and of course, when i am REALLY restless, i drew:

and it makes me smile. yups yups(:

i think i am going to rest today. should be okay right?

@ 11:42 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i love daryl's nick:

next time, first question before accepting project mates: "DO YOU KNOW WHAT REFERENCING MEANS?!"

*agrees with hands and feet*

@ 12:57 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i went to the library to study today. i don't know why but studying in the library makes me want to be a career woman. a workaholic. that i don't need anyone beside me. that all i need is a job that keeps me occupied. keeps me satisfied. and i can survive.

i realized i lost the ability to cry. and what i do to compensate for this inability is bad.

some of you should know what i am talking about. but what can i do? i am so tired of having everything cooped up inside of me. even if one single tear falls, i will feel MUCH BETTER.

but no. I. CANT. CRY. tried all means and ways and i cannot cry. i am tired of feeling this way. i want a way out. and i cant think of any other way.

could it be because i dont have someone beside me? could it be because everyone expects me to be strong? i dont know. I. JUST. WANT. TO. CRY.

@ 12:48 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the slacker in my accounting group lied to my tutor that he did the SWOT part.

thats a MAJOR part of the report lor.

and i told my tutor the whole UNCENSORED truth and throw in a few more to boot.

he should know who he is messing me. bugger off.

why cant all groups be like my marketing and ob groups? no slackers.

@ 2:04 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

movie i want to watch! saw the trailer during superbad. it looks nice(: theres another one but i cant remember!! hmmms.

anyone want?! i am already trying to plan my post exams activity! dance lessons, baking session and sentosa with devil sisters(: then.. eh. thats about it! if you cant find anyone to go out with, CALL ME! fill up my december! dont leave me to my thoughts. *scary

i had really sinful food today. heres a list to make everyone jealous:
mamee, mickey mouse biscuit, oreo waffles, macdonalds, mini-cornettos and 2 sinful donuts from donut factory (courtesy of my sister's student!) . *yums* are you drooling yet?

heres some videos that are quite funny(:

baby blinks(:

baby's drinking problem(:

spaghetti ups nose(:

keep making me smile, wont you? and why is it always a summer fling and a winter romance? i want a winter romance too. someone i can sing christmas songs with and being silly with during holidays.

@ 1:12 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

guys are all rude. period.

feel free to throw rocks at them.

last night's sleep was crap. 8 hours machiam like 2-.-

@ 4:00 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i had the weirdest this morning. i skipped my alarm (again). but! i dreamt that i was at some deyi council event in the old deyi hall and suddenly, i heard my PSLs cheering! i was so proud because when was the last time i heard a good solid ENGLISH cheer?(: THEN! i heard the "friendship song"! the "..as we walk to the left, as we walk to the right.." song! so i turned to the person beside me and said, "omg! i freaking miss this song! let's go join in!!" and i did! BUT! when i went there, the people i saw was from ENDOR! i saw ojiisan, germaine, weilong and ying chun!

after which, i woke up-.- but it was the nicest dream! i woke up singing the song. and i remembered that during PSL camp, we used to come up with lots of funny actions so that all of us can go one round(: i have a new one! we can MAMBO! hees(: but when will be the next time i sing campfire songs? :(

here's a over view of my very-messy-table:

lols. and my mum brought "reinforcements". she made jelly (in an attempt to make me eat healthy food) and brought up 2 packets of "Hello Panda" but i want "Mickey Mouse"! hahas. they are TECHNICALLY the SAME. but the feeling is different. lols.

anyhows, let me introduce you to 2 of my favorite gurlies:

this is bernice ( i cant find the picture that i like!) :

She is in SMU now. She is my primary school friend whom I lost contact with in secondary school. But! We ended up in the same class in JC(:

We do sinful things together. Okok, not sinful things. We eat sinfully good food when we go out. And if you ever find 2 pretty ladies sitting in a café, stoning and talking now and then, that’s probably us.

Oh yeah, our parents know each other. So even when we haven’t seen each other in eons, we will still hear news about each other through them. I’m serious! “我听淑芬的妈妈讲。。。” is a phrase I often hear -.-

i love my dessert partner(:

i havent meet her for a VERY long time. and shes going to be flying off to nepal during december! which means, she will be away for my birthday:( BUT! she promised to bring back bricks-.- hahas.

This is Scotchey (aka roomie):

i have to borrow some old pictures cause all the new ones are lost during the reformatting of my lappy:(

We have not called each other by name ever since the start of this year. We actually find it weird when we call each other by name. She draws amazingly “cute” muscle bean sprouts. She is currently thinking about drawing miss sprouts as a sequel.

When you put the both of us together, we tend to yak non-stop and make a lot of noise. Don’t believe me? If you happen to be in FAL and you hear lots of yakking, it’s probably us. Hahas. She is going to NUS for local exchange next year.

She is unfaithful to Volkswagen Beetle! :X 她移情别恋！She fell in love Bentley. Haiyo! Hahas. But we like to look at the Beetles in NBS together. We are curious as to who and how the drivers looks like.

one thing i have to say..

hahas. oh yeah. she eats rice. while i eat potato! hahas. for those of you with question marks, it simply means she listens mostly to mandarin songs, while i listen mostly to ang-moh songs(:

righty. more to come!! STAY TUNE!!

i wish that you could join my group of favorite people. make me smile, wont you?

@ 12:31 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

okay, lunch time was at some crappy time. so i ended up watching some rather crappy variety show. i mean, i like the show. but just not that section.

so apparently, the guests of the show are to guess who is the girlfriend of some guy. to "help" the guests, the guy will hug, kiss and etc each of the girls (wth! kiss?!!).

i watched the hug part. and i'm like o.O they hug weird. the weirdest hug was actually between the guy and his actual girlfriend. they hug weird. it's like they dont know where to place their hands -.- sheesh.

ok, back to investment.

december - the season of hugs and cuddles. i want my share of it too.

@ 3:46 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

happy birthday, kexin AND elaine(:

our birthday is at the opposite of each other's. hahas(:

i really dont like derivatives! but they say it's a very important topic for exams :( buy means buy. why do they want to call it a long position for forward contracts and then a call option for options? and then you can either long a call option or long a put option. *faints* i have to resort to reading it out loud to understand the textbook. so..excuse me if i read out loud during exams.

i am tired. so i am going to sleep and I WILL DRAG MY BUTT OUT OF BED 8 hours later. message me when you read this post sometime in the morning to check if i am awake. thanks. hahas.

i skipped cold turkey. it pulled me out. it stopped my expectations. maybe it wasnt such a mistake. but it doesnt stop me from missing the communication.

@ 12:16 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

as the exams draw nearer, my bedtime is screwed up. and i am beginning to dread meal times. i see them as a waste of time (especially since i refuse to bring food into my room). but NO WORRIES, i am still eating okay? just not alot. the appetite is not there too :(

enough of being mean and everything else.

i saw a rainbow on friday(:

i was on the train back from school. i think it was somewhere between bukit batok and kranji? initially, the people standing were pointing and i didnt look. it was at chua chu kang or marsling then i turned and saw it. i smiled(: it was the broadest rainbow i ever saw((:

rainbows have the ability to wipe everything away from my mind. stars too.

@ 5:24 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

the msn nick of the slacker in my accounting group is, "aim to change the financial system".

excuse me *rolls around in bed and laugh until stomach hurt* him? him? HIM?

i'm sorry, was i being mean? opps.

i realised. i am really not someone to be mess with. i dont exactly bear "grudges". i can still treat these people nicely and politely. but i am VERY subjected to being very sarcastic towards them.

result of oversleeping for 2 hours on saturday. i am still awake at 5am-.-

december is NOT that far away. *looks forward* TOO optimistic, woman!

@ 4:50 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

listening to all these songs from secondary school days...

reminded me that there was once when i know ALL the dance steps for them. the days of pouring over MTVs over and over again just to learn.

and i remember teaching sivan and gang the actions for "Ready or Not" and some really stupid songs. wahahaha.

how they look like part of the great singapore workout now.

@ 2:48 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i know i have said it many times. but i still like rihanna's "Question Existing".

it's been on from Page 700 to Page 744 of my investment textbook (time are now track in terms of pages).

Take off my shirt, loosen the buttons
And undo my skirt, stare at myself in the mirror
Pick me apart, piece by piece
Sorrow decrease pressure release
I put in work did more than called
More than they deserve.
When it was over, did I wind up hurt? Yes .
But it taught me before a decision ask this question first

oh right. and there's "The Way You Make Me Feel" by Step is on constant replay too. ooolldd song. but STILL.

Baby can't you see
You're the one for me
But you belong to another
I don't wanna hurt nobody
But my heart just can't hold back

It's the way you make me feel
[ The way you make me feel ]
Spinning my world around
Tell me how can I walk away
I don't care what they say
I'm loving you anyway
It's the way you make me feel

why cant just stick to ballroom dancing? hahas. the shakes are so weird when you are in gowns-.-

ok back to loving and hating my investment.

@ 2:29 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

there are some group mates who are better off not thinking.

i am serious.

their opinions are like urgh. they cannot understand that the rest of us have already standardised the method during meeting. so they keep insisting that their way is the correct way.

and she expects me to read through all her reference to see if her footnotes are correct.

i am going to have to send it back to her again.

angry. annoyed. cross. marah. okorimasu. en coliere.

oh and. happy belated birthday, sampat king!!(:
(i bet sampat queen mum will go, "oh shit!" after she sees this. lols.)

@ 11:50 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

half an hour after the previous post, i gave up on trying to do the part for her. came up with 2 document on what to do and what not to do when putting reference.

sent it out to her. and tried to add in the conclusion part but i concussed in front of the lappy until now.

crap. i better go rest. unwell.

i need a hug.

@ 4:29 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

sometimes, i feel like the shirt i wore today.

showing the world that i hate. but actually, i want to love.

你走吧，我不哭。爱了痛了，痛了哭了，哭了累了。

@ 3:06 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i skipped psych lecture today. woke up at 7am with a horrible horrible tummyache and my world was spinning so i messaged scotchey and went back to bed for another 2 hours.

then theres psych meeting. shall not comment much. one zai group mate and one *ahem* group mate. scotchey said i was a little fierce during the meeting. but well...me? fierce? *roars* hahas. are all of you shrinking? i already have a miniature cockroach man. i dont mind having more miniature figurines?

and how do teach someone to provide reference and add in footnotes. i am so pissed. but i have decided to do it for her so i can get the whole report thing over and done with.

really bad mood swings these days.

you should have stayed. should have been here. but what happened tonight, made me realized.. it's here to stay. i want a hug. emergency rescue me begins tonight.

@ 2:24 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

bestie called(: and we chatted for an hour plus(: and therefore i sound kind of distracted on msn. gomeinasai. but shes my bestie mahs! hahas.

i dont know. i feel like i am dying over here. the stomachaches. the bland taste in my mouth. the muscle pain. the ache that feels like they are right in my bones. the constant tiredness. the giddy-ness. the pukey feeling. the lack of appetite. the tiredness they are causing me. the mood swings caused by the tiredness. holding back the mood swings are making me even more tired.

all these i am hiding from my parents. all these i am telling myself that i can handle by myself. the smiles i have to keep up.

i cant hold on much longer. i am beginning to wish that someone is here to look after me. someone who knows i am not feeling okay without me telling him. to shower me with TLC. to make me smile. to be there to sayang me. to be there to let me throw a major tantrum at them and then understands.

my face is drained of color. my lips are pale.

nothing's mine to keep. nothing. i wish he was mine. i wish it was me.

@ 2:19 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

happy deepavali(:

went to sivan's place this afternoon. well, being the picky eater that i am, i went there and ate the COOKIES! hees. i was hogging onto the cookie plate and preventing the guys from eating while the devil sisters and i helped ourselves(:

pictures galore!! ano..it's in multiply. check it out on the link from the left under profile(:

heres 2 of them(:

i love them(: and it must be a good year this year because i met prem twice in a month! i miss her. even though, we didnt talk alot when we meet, but i miss her!! hees(: and her hugs is still as powerful(: and i am going to scoop on facebook for her newbie(:

i must be getting old. feel super exhausted now. and pukey again:( too much cookies? maybe.

okok, better go and do my psycho report then maybe start on accounting? if i have the energy.

joo fang (psycho group mate) said, " eat cookies during deepavali so called deepavali cookie? then you must drink more deepavali water okay? if not will get sick!" lols(:

it's like removing plaster from your wounds. i am afraid. but i have to do it. if not, the wounds will never heal. this game i will not play alone. i will get through december somehow.

@ 7:44 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

gosh. i AM cleaning up the mess for my psycho report again.

she literally did what i told her to. i mean, what i said was just off the top of my mind. it's YOUR part so shouldnt you process it and think about it instead of asking me to do it FOR you? urgh.

@ 12:41 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

due to the fear of rejection, people tend to play games when they like someone. like testing the water. unknown to them, the someone is being tortured because of the "games". tsktsk.

then again, there are people who just like to play games. because they like to feel wanted. needed. popular. and just for the hell of it. now, this people ought to be kicked (wanted to say shot but i shant be too violent).

so how do you differentiate one from the other? you cant. so how? just play along and wait for your heart to get smashed (or saved for the lucky ones).

quit playing games with my heart. tearing up my heart when i'm with you.

@ 3:09 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i am sick:(

shivering while the rest of my family are complaining that the weather is warm.

was rooting through my cupboard and found this old story that i wrote.

all i can say is..i am delusional in the past. but i am okay now. i know i cant rely on anyone to provide me with that comfort (not physical). to make me happy. to take care of me. skepticism is good.

prepare for collision course. prepare for damage control, my dear friends. the summer me is coming back. shit.

i dont need anyone to take care of me. i can take care of myself. liar.

i found this old photo in the drawer:

back in 2004. i so miss my besties. both of them!

@ 10:36 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

What I did on facebook(: blogging via Microsoft word! Wonder how it will turn out. Hmmm..oh yeah, underlined parts are rather true.

Temperament

Idealist

You are the quintessential dreamer - spending more time thinking about the possibilities that the world holds for you, rather than your reality. You don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire and you work very hard. You tend to live in every place except the present - you are prone to daydreaming about the future and re-thinking the choices you made in the past. Sometimes you get overly caught up in your thoughts.

Interests

Simple

You are continually pursuing a simpler and less complicated life - you don't allow yourself to fall victim to all of the "should do's" that society continually bombards you with. You are thoughtful about your life choices and think in terms of yourself, others and the world in which we live. You have a great sense that we are part of something much bigger and we must be good to others, if we want others and the world to be good to us.

Amusement

Thoughtful

You are easily stressed out and overwhelmed - you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Because you tend to be self reflective, you know your limits quite well and must remember to not exceed those limits. When you overwhelm your life with obligations and responsibilities, you tend to shut down and go into yourself even further. Take some time to find your serenity and kick back your feet.

Passion

Physical

You are a cuddle bug - from a warm hug shared with your best friend to steamy sex with your partner, you enjoy every bit of human contact that you can get. You demonstrate your love for others most fluidly through physical one-on-one contact and you feel the most loved when you are being touched. You feel disconnected when you are physically isolated from others. You're a people person and a lover of all things human.

@ 1:28 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i love this song from Rihanna.

Question Existing

not the official video but the words match and the feel is there(:

take off my shirt, loosen the buttons and undo my skirt. stare at myself in the mirror.

and i still love this performance from justin timberlake(:

she grabs the yellow bottle, she likes the way it hits her lips.

theres a reason why i was such a HUGE mtv fan last time(: exams make me go back to the pop days(: some videos i found on youtube(:

Britney 2000
(when she was still good)

Britney vs *NSync

@ 12:13 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

this urge to puke. oh gosh.

like really bad. i have the urge to just induce myself to puke just to get the urge away.

HP102 is horrible. i read the textbook and ended up having more question marks then before. the textbook chosen is really lousy. i think i shall stick to the lecture notes.

i.want.to.puke.help.

i'm afraid. the signs are way too familiar. i hate uncertainties. i really do. i need a hug:(

@ 3:06 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i opened the door to the accounting classroom when scotchey went, "wei! like not this one !" so i quickly stepped out of the class and closed the door. paiseh. then we stood outside and then insisted that it's the correct class! so we went in again. everyone was laughing (albeit quietly). *shy*

then during psycho meeting at FAL, i exclaimed, "my computer dont have SPSS de!!" scotchey and joo fang turned and said, "you are pointing at it!" -.- BLUR!

at HSS library, the librarian taught me how to carry a heavy book without injuring my wrist. you heard it right. how to carry a book!! (:

my accounting report got an A-. HOOYAH! GIRL POWER! but the slacker benefit ehs! cause the worse grade he can get would most probably be B-? which is like URGH. saw him in FAL just now. him and his PINK umbrella. are you trying to make a fashion statement? PUH-LEASE! then when he talked to his friend, i feel like taking off my slipper and throw it at him. SHUT UP! opps. i hate free-riders! *roars*

your odds go up when you send in an application.

@ 11:25 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

going to bed soon. i hear you, body. stop protesting. i feel like i just finish running some marathon.

investment presentation went ok. minus the technical glitch. lappy threw a tantrum. but oh wells. it was nice(: brian does a wicked imitation of george bush and jun bing does a mean imitation of a regular auntie. their presentation was the best. we laughed all the way from the start to the end.

andrew said i can 自 high. why? because of the technical glitch, i went to the front of the classroom and anounced, " let's do it again FROM the top!" in my 'presentation' voice. and everyone started laughing. lols. but seriously, a presentation is like performing, aint it? and the adrenalin rush i get during presentation makes me shakey afterwards. just for awhile.

had lunch at canteen 4 for the first time. when i saw the mike the auntie used, i burst out laughing. cause it a) reminds me of kbox and b) the auntie looks like shes ready to perform! hahas. kbox!!!!!!!

appetite are not good these days. the portions i eat are half of what i usually eat. thats rather tiny huh? somehow, i think desserts dont even work now. and thats speaking alot. i dont know. i think i need to be 哄 to eat. haiyo!

thats almost it for year 2 semester 1. *phew* i refuse to countdown to exams. someone hit me over the head!

psycho project, you are NEXT!

i'm a bubbly girl. a fragile bubble. burst at the slightest touch. without warning. but regenerates before you know it. fun while it last.*bubbles bubbles bubbles*

@ 2:10 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

it's too late for me to start my accounting tutorial.

so i shall be a good girl today and go to sleep early.

this is like the first time in god-knows how many months that i am sleeping so early.

i blame it on the person who psycho-ed me into sleeping! *bites* and now i feel like beach-ing too! no good!

PRESENTATION TOMORROW. i really shouldn't be so excited-.-

to the beach (so i can cycle!). to the night safari (just because). to haw par villa (i havent been there for eons!). GO WITH ME! i can be such a tourist in my own country. no, i dont want bird park. cause birds like to poop on me.

@ 1:13 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i planned to sit down and do my accounting tutorial de. but in the SUSEP application took up ALL of my time. which is like totally URGH.

daryl is heading off to new york for his holidays. what a lucky ass!

i told taruna that i havent been out of the country for 5 years and she was like, "OMG! are you serious?!" yes, this girl here havent been overseas for EONS. and she will be stuck here until god-knows-when. initially, i wanted to go somewhere near with bestie during december but her timetable clashes with mine:(

anyone wants to go overseas with me? somewhere budget? somewhere near? please? *doleful eyes*

alot of people will be away during my birthday:( if scotchey is going overseas too, then i really have no one left :( this is bad. how?!

compiling of slides took me 6 hours. by the time i am done, i am half dead and my lappy is super hot. so i had to switched it off and cant do anything for 3 hours-.- wasted.

i realised i like liars and players. nono, you didnt read wrongly. and no, i am not deranged. but looking at my history (or lack thereof) of "relationships", you will find that i am either being lied to or fooled with. maybe it's because they are able to humor me. maybe it's because of the whole bad-guy mentality. i dont know. but i am so tired and exhausted by all these. i feel like becoming a nun-.-

whatever. i better go practice my speech.

oh right. HAPPY ORD, KELVIN LIM JING HUI!

this is bad. it means he has more time to bug me. after 7 years, he is still bullying me. tsktsk.

i want fabulous. it's just a simple request.

@ 12:33 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

i was wondering why degen keeps apologising and thanking me for editing and compiling the slides.

then i opened the powerpoint today and realised why.

EVERYTHING is in a mess :( the graphs are MESSY. and it look as if they are using powerpoint for the first time? plenty of word art all in different forms. it's like compiling for marketing all over again. *faints*

and! if you didnt do the animation, just SAY. dont pretend and say, "erm..i changed some of the wordings, so i dont think the animations are there anymore." i mean, i am not stupid yah? changing words does not remove animations! *sigh*

i just spent an hour plus editing and i am not done yet.

this is vexing. what to do? i'm like prem. i want my presentations to be perfect even if it means sacrificing my sleep.

and my marketing girls are way too familiar with that. hahas.

cold turkey.

@ 1:18 PM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.

minor glitch in the investment presentation slides. but no problem, i can survive!

while doing the presentation slides today, i realised how much i miss presenting :(

how much i like to fiddle with my words, bullets, searching for pictures to use, creating pictures to describe my points and using fireworks to edit images.

oh gosh. i miss presenting! maybe i should have gone to marketing?

oh wells. cant wait for AB214!!!!

oh yeah (3rd oh!). when i told people that i will call my future boyfriend, "dar" or "dardar" a few years back, everyone thought it was weird and funny! -.- now everyone is calling their significant other, that. i shall think of better names. i think cow sounds good. -.-

constantly pulling myself out from the fall is tiring. it's nothing special. nothing special. remember it! dont fool yourself.
Sometimes beginnings aren’t so simple. Sometimes goodbye’s the only way.

@ 1:07 AM |wished.hoped.waited.dashed.